You Never Let Me Down

(This was written in May but somewhere in the craziness was never posted so, here it is)

Last year, around this time I wrote an post on the Chikungunya virus and what God was teaching me through it. Well May seems to be the month of sickness for me in Haiti; Wednesday, the 13th of May, I came down with a case of mumps that had spread like wildfire through the preschool. It was kind of funny as I learned that the literal kreyol translation for mumps is: sick sheep and was told by my fellow teachers and Haitian brothers that when they call out "malmouton" (sick sheep) I have to "baa" and I will be healed. It didn't work but the staff did visit me in my room for a good laugh at my swollen cheeks and to pray over me. Such wonderful, God loving people.

After spending almost a week in bed, I was able to be up that Monday though it was a holiday so no school. Tuesday I got to play, gently, with my preschoolers. However, Wednesday I woke with with a horrible migraine, nausea, hot sweats, fever, chills, a weird chest pain and vomiting. The first day I slept the majority of it, holding a pillow over my head and a thick blanket to somehow block out: preschool, airplanes landing and taking off, motorcycles, drums, horns, cars, bells, dogs.... everything; it hurt to open my eyes, even the dark was too bright and the noise, the tiniest thing was SO loud. 

I've been having issues with nightmares while living in Haiti and the second day I had this urgency to be with Jesus and to really just focus on Him and it honestly turned into one of the sweetest times with Jesus I've ever had, just listening to His voice which cut through the loud noise like a soothing lullaby. The night before, a dear friend, who I hadn't spoken to in awhile, skyped me & had reminded me that God is holding me and telling me that He loves me over and over and over again and I need to stop and listen. It was truly a gift from God because as I lay there, "hiding" from the world, recalling these words; I heard God whispering it to me and I began to go through all the Bible verses my mom had my siblings and me memorize in school (thank you mamacita) and this peace and even joy touched my heart as I lay there the 7 dwarfs mining away at me skull and God blessed me with beautiful dreams and deep sleep.

The third day I was doing better but, if I moved I was lunging for the bathroom to throw up, not my favorite thing in the world. It didn't hurt to open my eyes anymore and I could look at a screen for 10 minutes before I started seeing spots :p I updated y'all and then began listening to music on my ipod; God always speaks to me through music and (as my wonderful madame Sue force fed me rehydration fluid every 10 min) I put my ipod on shuffle listening to my favorite christian artist worship God and I was touched so deeply as I listened to the words and felt the power behind the music. My heart and soul began to worship and His presence surrounded me as I lay there.

There is a lady who toured with one of my all time favorite artists and authors: Andrew Peterson (seriously go look him up if you don't know his work and buy it ALL) her name was Jill Philips. And I remember being so touched by her as a 13-14 year old that I spent the money I'd earned that week buying both her CD's and I listened to her for months! I haven't listened to her for a few years but one of my favorite songs came on that day and it spoke such truth, I cried. Here is my favorite part of the song: 

You might let me cry
You might let me sing
You might let me feel a fraction of your suffering
But you won't let me down
You never let me down

If I could just stop striving
And surrender to your holy power
I know your loving arms will lift me up
And never let me down
You never let me down

I struggle with letting people down; even thinking that I might throws a wrench in my stomach and I'll do just about anything to not let people down. And that's wrong. God didn't make me to please people. He gave me a heart to feel deeply and to love courageously, eyes to see needs, feet to go where He is and hands to hold those who are falling apart all in His name and for His glory alone. He's never let me down and He's never once called me a bad name or pushed me away from Him because I didn't do a "perfect job" or I didn't "work hard enough" or I spent all day in bed.... no... in every moment of our day there is time to draw closer to God, to stop and just be in His presence, seeking His will and just listening. Especially when you're laying in bed doing... nothing. God doesn't waste time. He could have sent Jesus as a grown man down to earth, Jesus could have only spent and week on this earth but He didn't. And for so many reasons I'm positive I don't know all of them. But He's always seeking us and by our side, It's not all for not; no matter how painful it gets or how many tears you cry if your heart is chasing after Him your life, though it may not go exactly how you'd like, will be an incredible adventure and as you look back you'll see His hand and though it seemed like you were in the pit of despair he really never let you down.

I did, after one failed trip to the doctor, another successful trip to the doctor, tests, rehydration fluid, prayers, medication and a ton of sleep get better. My tests all came back negative, we think it was the new Zika virus or one of the many unnamed virus here in Haiti ;) I'm continuing to plug away here in Haiti, I appreciate all the prayers and donations you guys send. There will be more updates coming soon!

Finding Him

She always finds me.

Granted, I'm taller than most all of the preschoolers and I'm kind of loud, she still manages to find me before anyone else or wiggle her way to the front of the line of kids asking to be held. She looks up at me with those big "Eeyore" eyes (puppy = please pick me, oh pleaseeeee I'll be ever so sad if you don't. Eeyore = please pick me... if you don't it's ok; I'll wait) which makes it almost impossible to say no to because you don't want her to have to wait. So... I don't make her wait and up she sails into my arms; without a word she gives me a big hug and either contently leaves her head resting on my shoulder or if my hair is down will begin gently, braiding my hair.

Her heart is beautiful and kind. Her name means: companion or friend, which suits her so well! If she isn't in my arms or working in class, she's either: helping one of her classmates put on their shoes, pushing someone on the swing, singing and getting other kids to join in or giving rides on the back of a trike. Recess is one of her favorite times, I try to hold all the kids that I can throughout the day (appropriate and loving touch is an important part of development; it's actually a key part to healthy brain development) it's been amazing to see the change in a child when you start carrying them, holding them, hugging them and the way they light up. During recess though, if she's in my group, my little friend will leap into my arms and ask to sit on a "step" near the playground. I hold her tight, play "trot trot to Boston", sing with her and when another child needs attention she trails me, holding onto my shirt or sitting beside me, touching my arm, just being near me. She's always there. She always finds me.

Coming to Haiti I knew I would need to be flexible, I knew that I was going to teach but learn a lot more then I taught and that my faith would be tested. This little girl has shown me what it means to call Jesus friend and what it means when He is our friend. We all have friends, I hope. We seek them out wanting to know about their lives, what their doing, looking for advice etc. and if they don't answer calls or texts we assume the worst, we do everything in our power to make sure they're ok because they're our friends and we don't want to lose them because they're like family, they're a piece of you. "No man is an island, entire of itself; each is a piece of the continent, a part of the main." as John Donne very wisely said in his poem For Whom the Bell Tolls.

We need to do the same with God. He is our friend and we should be seeking Him, finding out what He's up to in our world and in each others lives. Following Him wherever He leads and sitting with Him simply enjoying the nearness of Him. Jesus praised Mary for clinging on His every word, He told the little children to come to Him after the disciples tried to send them away. God always has time for us, He's never pushing us away from Him though sometimes it's hard to see Him through the storm of life calling out to us saying "Come to me, walk on the water" "Trust me and take that leap of faith, I will catch you" "Stop overthinking it, it's a small step not a drop off, trust me." It's not easy but it's worth it. So find Him; step out of the boat, reach out your hand and walk/run to grab His outstretched one. Follow Him because He'll take you places you've dreamed of going but the choice is yours.

Recipe for Lemonade

"When life give you lemons; make lemonade" sounds simple enough! Though; you do need something to cut the lemons, something to squeeze them, something to put the juice in and unless you like super sour lemonade some sugar and water. Not as easy as it originally seemed, right? I've had a rough couple of weeks and though I'm still working on "making lemonade" with my lemons; here is my recipe so far.

Lemonade for life:

1) cup fresh squeezed lemon juice

As we walk daily with Christ and seek His will and work towards the furthering of His Kingdom; Satan works against us and it can be discouraging, drawn out, hard, stressful and leave a bitter taste in your mouth. The car breaks down for the upteenth time and you don't have money for repairs = lemon. Someone starts talking badly behind your back at work = lemon. A family member is suddenly hospitalized = lemon. You lose your job = lemon. Life is changing and you don't know where to go or what to do = lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon. Life isn't easy and God even promises us in His word that it won't be easy! As I've grown I feel like God keeps giving me a distaste for this world; material things here just don't satisfy and the world becomes more and more sinister and it's a hard to not be hardened, crabby or bitter towards people. So take all of that and put it in God's pitcher.

2) cups sugar
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects,  always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Cor. 13:4-8 just as a "spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" so does a couple cups of love, even a dash of love and those lemons are not as sour as they used to be. Perspective is everything and situations can either break you or make you stronger and therefore draw you closer to God or pull you away. Things get so hard and depressing so fast and when you meditate on them they become bigger and harder. However; that's where God comes in and when we trust Him our perspective shifts from the problems and ourselves to Him and He shows us the beauty of His hand, how little the problems are and the joy hidden in the mess.

3) cups cold water
The Word of God is living water to our thirsty souls. He speaks so clearly in His word and I've been brought to tears countless time by the beauty, love and wisdom that I've found drinking from His Word and pouring out my heart to Him in prayer. Prayer is essential and it doesn't have to be pretty! It can be just that gut wrenching cry as you just drop to your knees, that tear that silently trickles down your cheek or a whispered "Help me". God understands. He knows our hearts, our dreams, desires, hurts, how many times we've smiled and how many times we've cried. Our prayer to Him doesn't need to be eloquent, it needs to be real. 

So, take your lemon juice and begin to sprinkle it with some sugar. It's not easy as the majority of the time we'd much rather "give people what they deserve" which love usually isn't the first thing that pops into our minds. But, love anyway. Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." and it's a struggle for sure but Satan has already been defeated, don't live life like he's won. 
Add your water as you are filled through Jesus' word and stir vigorously. 

Just keep trusting, praying, drawing near to Him and loving. You'll begin to see a change in ways you wouldn't have thought possible. 

Seeds of Hope

Easter = spring, poofy dresses, ties, button up shirts, hats, bunnies, chicks, chocolate, eggs, family, church and... Jesus' birth.... no wait! Jesus dying on the cross?... Jesus coming from heaven?....

I recently watched a video where a group of youth students interviewed people in Seattle, WA asking strangers what Easter was about and who Jesus was. The responses shocked me! Yes, I know that bunnies and eggs are greatly advertised this time of year, but surely people know that it's the day we celebrate Jesus' victory over death. We assume a lot in our lives; sometimes it's little things; the dishes have been washed and put away or the children brushed their teeth. Sometimes it's bigger: She's in church, surely she's saved. His shirt says he loves Jesus so he must be a Christian.

I was talking to someone recently about relationships and really getting to know peoples stories and what makes them, them. He quoted a friend saying "a lot of people's relationships are a mile long but only an inch deep" we're so worried about fitting in that we forget that we are the most inspired by the people who stand out and make a difference. You don't have to go up to a person and say that they're a sinner and need Jesus RIGHT NOW! Relationships start with a seed being planted, "why is she helping me?", "why is is he always so nice?", then watered "Tell me more about Jesus" and cared for as it grows "Bible study tonight!", All you have to do is begin and plant the seeds of God's Hope.

My directors, Byron and Shelley Tlucek seek to do just this by sharing God's love and the good news of Jesus' death and resurrection in ways that our preschoolers will understand and that will plant deep seeds in their hearts. The preschoolers heard about Jesus' birth at Christmas and have been learning about Jesus' life, His miracles and the disciples over the past couple months.

The last two weeks before Easter vacation we began sharing Resurrection Eggs with the preschoolers; each Resurrection Egg has an item that symbolizes a small part of the Easter story; starting with Jesus entering Jerusalem and ending with the empty grave. The kids LOVED them! By the end most of them could tell you what was in each each egg and the oldest class could tell you what it symbolized!!! 

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The last two days of preschool the kids put together salvation bracelets to help them remember the Easter story and to share it with their families. Each child was given a bag with 5, different colored beads and a piece of leather

We went over the the different colors and what they mean as the preschoolers carefully put together their bracelets

One of our 2's ready to tie and finish her bracelet!

Black for our sin. Red for Jesus' blood that was shed. White symbolizing Jesus washing our sins away when we accept His gift of salvation. Green for growth as we learn and grow with Jesus. Gold symbolizing the streets of heaven, where we will go to be with Jesus when we die.

Such a fun and easy way for the kids to remember!

Each child also received an Easter coloring book, retelling the story of Jesus' death and resurrection in kreyol

A box of crayons

And a plastic egg with 30 jellybeans inside, the same amount that Jesus was bought for. The King of Kings bought for the mere price of a slave. 

We pray that these children share the message of hope and joy with their families and that seeds would be planted in all of their hearts and communities and that the seeds they plant will then sprout and grow

Because seeds grow and change, and as they grow and change the world around them changes and; if one preschooler shares with one parent and then they both share with two other people and then those four people each share with one person.... we can change the nation of Haiti and the world for the glory of God!

Will you share Jesus' story this Easter with someone you don't know? Will you plant seeds with your words and actions? Thanksgiving isn't a religious holiday per say, (though religious people take this time to look back and thank God for all He's done the past year) but, Thanksgiving is when most people, religious and nonreligious, seek to reach out and feed the homeless, why? Because we're going to eat a feast ourselves. So, what should we do on Easter? Shouldn't we spread hope since, if Jesus didn't rise from the dead we have no hope?! How can we? Invite ISI students to your Sunday lunch, sunrise service at the homeless shelter or at the park across the street? I don't know how God is leading you but I do encourage you to pray about it. See where God takes you; most likely its out of your comfort zone..... but it's all worth if for the glory of God!