Come As You Are

You've had a long hard day, your hair's a mess, your shirt is wrinkled and has stains that will probably never come out no matter what the commercials on TV tell you. You didn't bother to put makeup on because, why? You're done and want to just cry your heart out on the sofa or even floor because the sofa is too far away. And then you get a call, ____ (insert someone you'd give anything to meet) is here, they've heard about you and they want to meet you right now so grab your keys and come as you are.

Come. As. You. Are?!?! Are you kidding me?! They wouldn't understand, they'd judge you, they wouldn't even let you in the front door to see _______ if you just came as you are. So you throw on another shirt, pull your hair up and throw on some make up in the car trying to hide who you were/are. You meet ______ and find that they're just as amazing as you thought they'd be and they want to know your story and help you however they can; but how could you tell them? Would they understand? What would happen if you remove this mask of perfection and are seen as you are?

It's scary isn't it? But this is what Jesus asks of us to simply come as we are because He does understand, He knows you better than you know yourself and He's gone through it all because He wanted a relationship with you. It's hard to understand and it's hard to go before anyone with the ugly truth but "...to be known is to be loved and to be loved is to be known.." (woman at the well/woman of no distinction spoken word poem) for someone to know the good, bad, ugly and still love you and seek a relationship with you... words cannot describe.

2015 was a great year but it was also a trying a year, a year of lessons, tests and hurts... but God is making me into a new creation and this means a lot of shaping, time in the fire and some chisling all for the furtherment of His Kingdom and His glory. So here's to 2016. I don't know what all it holds but my goals are: #1. Growing closer to God #2. Finding my identity in Him #3. Healing physically #4 Journaling #5 Being content #6 Dealing with my demons #7 Listening and watching for the next step

This is a beautiful song my Haiti siblings started playing a couple months ago and everytime I hear it God speaks to me. I hope He speaks to you too and you find the strength to come as you are before His throne.

Come As You Are ~ David Crowder

Come out of sadness

From wherever you've been

Come broken hearted

Let rescue begin

Come find your mercy

Oh sinner come kneel

Earth has no sorrow

That heaven can't heal

Earth has no sorrow

That heaven can't heal

So lay down your burdens

Lay down your shame

All who are broken

Lift up your face

Oh wanderer come home

You're not too far

So lay down your hurt

Lay down your heart

Come as you are

There's hope for the hopeless

And all those who've strayed

Come sit at the table

Come taste the grace

There's rest for the weary

Rest that endures

Earth has no sorrow

That heaven can't cure

So lay down your burdens

Lay down your shame

All who are broken

Lift up your face

Oh wanderer come home

You're not too far

Lay down your hurt

Lay down your heart

Come as you are

Come as you are

Fall in his arms

Come as you are

There's joy for the morning

Oh sinner be still

Earth has no sorrow

That heaven can't heal

Earth has no sorrow

That heaven can't heal

More Heart and Less Attack

It's hard to live in two worlds.

It's hard to go "home" when there's another "home" out there that's pulling your heart and thoughts.

These two things hit me really hard over my Christmas break at home. And it's hard to share and to put into words when you don't know where to begin or even what exactly you're feeling.

This year was definitely a year of firsts, (I will go more into detail on my one year anniversary) for the most part they were good firsts. God placed incredible people in my lives, that includes the Tlucek family, my fellow intern at preschool and 7 girls, 4 of which I've become the best of friends with and I count them as I true gift from God. I made tons of memories that I know will stay with me forever! Most, if not all of you have seen pictures on my photography page of this past year and I must say that 98% have been highlights. The heartache is something I could not capture, the tears, the worries, the hurt and overall "imperfection" I could not always share as some of it was not mine to share.

This year God has tested me and shown me things about myself and Himself that I had never heard of or known. I am a perfectionist, I am VERY sensitive to things that people say or do (whether big or small or whether they meant things a certain way or not) I work really hard, I care deeply about what people think of me, I worry about countless things a day, I carry things on my thin shoulders that should never be carried, I don't take care of myself and I beat myself up when I drop below my standards. All of these things do not make me a horrible person, an unloved or unlovable person, God does not think of me with contempt or push me away from Himself when I mess something up. Though these are things that I have thought, worried about, cried over, begged for forgiveness for and things I've tried to cover up.

To get anywhere or to do anything in life is a process. It's work. And I've always been low on patience, always wanting things to work out just like that *snap, to get places and things quickly... but, patience is a virtue, it's a bittersweet virtue. Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." be patient and wait. Stop and lean on Him. Be still...but when we're are running around crazy, worrying about our never ending to do list, looking down at our screens we are missing out on something. We forget to be still and to just know and marvel in the fact that He. is. God.

As I sat waiting for my flight my eyes filled with tears and trying to not just break down, I heard the acoustic version of this song by: needtobreathe (click on the link to listen) and this is my prayer, my resolution for 2015:

                                                 "More Heart, Less Attack"
                                                                     Needtobreathe

Be the light in the crack
Be the one that’s been there on a camel’s back
Slow to anger quick to laugh
Be more heart and less attack

Be the wheels not the track
Be the wanderer that’s coming back
Leave the past right where it’s at
Be more heart and less attack

The more you take the less you have
Cuz it’s you in the mirror staring back
Quick to let go slow to react
Be more heart and less attack

Ever growing steadfast
And if need be the one that’s in the gap
Be the never turning back
Twice the heart any man could have

Be the wheels not the track
Be the wanderer that’s coming back
Leave the past right where it’s at
Be more heart and less attack
Be more heart and less attack
Be more heart and less attack

I stuck my hat out I caught the rain drops
I drank the water I felt my veins block
I’m nearly sanctified I’m nearly broken
I’m down the river I’m near the open

I stuck my hat out I caught the rain drops
I drank the water I felt my veins block
I’m near the sanctified I’m near broken
I’m down the river I’m near the open

I’m down the river to where I’m going

Praying God stretches you, that you know that He is God in 2015