Result of a Racing Mind & Heart at 3:00am

In Haiti the poverty is very close to home and there are things that I know I will probably never understand. Driving anywhere you will come into contact with it, you will see things that make you wonder "Why?", things that you long to figure out, people that you want to hold close or take to a safe place where they're fed and clothed, so many stories that I long to hear; hurts and pains that I long to heal and things I want to fix. But, almost two years ago I went to one of my mentors and one of my best friends, about an issue with a friend that was going through something really tough and was making drastic life changes. I vented to them saying I wanted to help her, I wanted to be there for her, I, I, I, I. They both listened and when I'd finished asked me one thing "Why are you trying to play God?" woah, what?! I'm not trying to... oh wait.

Sometimes I feel like we don't really understand who and what exactly God is, or maybe we do and we simply forget. God is not something that we carry with us in our pocket and then send to different people when bad things happen; kind of like a get well card. God doesn't take sick days or forgets to check on you. God is.... God!

 A lot of the children come to preschool with fevers, running noses or infected eyes. The cause of these is a number of different things but I always want to keep them here with me. For example: Dianne, who is in the 4-5's class, on Thursday was coughing so badly she threw up. She was also running a fever; so I gave her medicine and ended up helping with her class as they finished their craft, cradling her on my lap as I worked. She was feeling better by the end and not coughing as much, so I had her sit down and helped the rest of the kids with kicking balls through the makeshift milk can goal. When it came time for her to go home she didn't want to leave, she ran to me and I had to walk her out the gate to her mom, but then she demanded I come home with her. Her mother is a very sweet loving woman and we both explained to her that I would see her tomorrow and she needed to go home and sleep; after a bit I had to walk away. Part of me really wanted to go and see where they lived and if there was something I could help them with but no. I actually would like to go home with each of the children at the end of the day or just keep them all here, where I know they will be fed and will be safe. But no.

I've been reminded this past week that we live in a fallen world, where things that shouldn't happen, happen and what we take for granted so much every single day that a lot of people do not have and a lack of love, pure love is... painful, destructive and keeps people in heavy chains. I'm a girl, one girl and If I fed people with the food of this world they will come back hungry, if I give them clean water to drink they will return thirsty, if I build them a home with materials from this world it will fall into disrepair, if I pour out my love on them it will not be enough and while for a while they may feel happy it will fade and they will continue on in darkness. But, if I feed them and fill them up with the words of God they will be full and their thirst will be quenched, if I tell them about Him and they accept His gift they will build a relationship with Him far stronger than any house, if I pour out God's love they will walk in the light and their fear and hopelessness will run from them as He in turn fills hem with His unconditional love.

I cannot go home with the families or people I meet; but I don't have to because God already goes with them; He will protect them and if He chooses to use me to help their physical needs then He will show me where and how and I am more than willing to do it. But, until than I will love them with His love that fills me, never runs dry and is unconditional. This world tries to take Jesus out of the equation; you see and hear everywhere "Love is all you need, you are beautiful, you are powerful" on and on they go and those things are all true but why is love all you need? What makes you beautiful? Because God is love and He is literally all you need and will/is providing everything for you. You are beautiful because you were created by God and God is working in and through you. You are powerful because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Don't take Jesus out of the equation because without Him, we cannot even begin to hope to change lives here in Haiti or anywhere in the world.

We pray for people who have less than us; but, they pray for us too. A good friend told me a true story where a church had planted a church overseas and they were asking their planted church what they needed and how they could pray and the man's answer was something along the lines of "We really don't need anything. We pray for you actually. Here we see God, we depend on God for food for the next day and He provides. But, in the states it must be hard to follow God because you have everything" wowzah! Can you say paradigm shift?

Tonight I pray for the world. I pray for each of you. I pray that you seek God with your whole heart, that you take risks (also known as leaps of faith but we tend to limit those too) that you shine love, His love because we're here for such a short time. Look at me, I'm 20! Yikes! God isn't finished with me and God is not finished with you either.

Update: Four kids more kids have sponsors!!! They're each kids close to my heart and I could tell you so many stories and little things about them. I'm so ecstatic for them! If you don't know what I'm talking about or maybe you forgot read this: http://hopeblownaroundtheworld.blogspot.com/2014/02/my-name-is-hope-i-have-request.html

Be strong and courageous ~ Joshua 1:9
Be wise ~ Proverbs 13:10 & James 3:17
Be safe ~ Jeremiah 32:37-38 & Job 11:13-19