He's the Remedy

"Here we are, here we are
The broken and used, mistreated, abused
Here we are"

Our worship leader stopped the music; I'd had to sit down for the past two songs as my legs and hands had begun to ache and standing was to painful. He began to talk about the Chikungunya virus and how the people that have had it; we've really been broken by it.He talked about how he wished it would end and prayed for protection over people who hadn't gotten and healing for people who have it and I began to chuckle. I felt like God had seen me take a seat; heard my thoughts, understood that I felt horrible that I couldn't stand during worship and stopped and spoke through our worship leader and then wrapped me in a huge hug. God is so amazing. I had to take a moment as we continued to sing and thank God because He is the true remedy

"And here You are, here You are
The beautiful one who came like a Son
Here You are"

Chikungunya is a virus that has hit full force on our little island in the sun; my left hand began to ache the first week of May and I wasn't sure what was going on; I did know that I had stopped eating bananas as often as I had been and so I began to eat them like crazy as my haitian brothers were struck one by one with the Chikungunya virus. That same week I was struck with Malaria. Haitian Malaria is different than African Malaria, thank you Lord, though I did spend a couple days in bed and was really out of it. 

Chikungunya is similar to Malaria in that it is spread by mosquitoes, another reason why bug spray is my daily perfume. NPR came and did a story on the Chikungunya; their description is:

"Chikungunya virus is transmitted by mosquitoes, causes rash, fever and excruciating joint pain. It has no cure. The good news: It's rarely fatal."

I love how it seems like they give you the really bad news of "it has no cure" and then they try to give you a ray of sunshine with "It's rarely fatal" though I have to say that you kind of wish it was when you have it as nothing seems worse.

One by one we all began to show signs and then fall into bed with the virus. The boys and Madame Sue had it and I thought maybe with my bout of Malaria I'd missed it; but a few days after I'd recovered from Malaria I woke up in the night with a high fever and severe chills. I'd missed being with my preschoolers and my feverish mind somehow got the idea that if I could just get downstairs and make chai tea I would perfectly fine in the morning. I tried to get out of bed and aching pain went through every single little bone in my feet. "I'm ok" I kept telling myself through chattering teeth "Need water or chai" but by the time I'd made it to the stairs I was shaking so bad and the pain in my feet was so intense I had to sit down. We'd found that the medicine the government was giving to people for the virus was basically tylenol, this was kept downstairs. Now with renewed effort I began to slide step by step down the stairs, I made it to the landing and thats when everything went foggy and I couldn't move. Alex our night guard who is more like a very protective big brother to all of us found me and gave me tylenol and water and got me back upstairs where the fever raged but finally broke around 5am and I passed out for most of the next day. For the next few days I slept most of the day but at night my whole body would ache and go rigid with aching pain. I'd try to not move but even not moving hurt!

"So we lift up our voices and open our hands
To cling to the love that we can't comprehend
Oh, lift up your voices and lift up your heads
To sing of the love that has freed us from sin"

During those long nights I found myself just crying out to God, asking for strength to get through the night as fever, chills and aches raked my body. I've never understood that phrase until now; it quite the apt description! I hated being in bed and missing preschool and working with the kids. But no matter how angry I wanted to be at myself or at the virus I couldn't. God continually reminded me that He had provided people to care for the children; yes they had to pick up some slack but it was ok.

My fever finally left for good and then the pain was only in my hands and feet making walking painful and doing anything with my hands. But when my fellow intern went down with Chikengunya God gave me strength in a matter of hours and I was able to walk down the stairs, sit with one of my 2 year olds on my lap and tell the children a Bible story.

Chikungyna seems to be a little different for everyone. Some have pain in their back as well as hands and feet, the boys had the virus for 3-4 days and then were back to school or work though their hands sometimes would ache. The virus seems to love Sue and I. Just when we think we're nearing the end it seems to come back or we get a symptom that we thought we were lucky enough to avoid like the rash.

"He is the one who has saved us

He is the one who embraced us

He is the one who has come and is coming again

Hes the remedy" ~ David Crowder Band

It's been a couple weeks since I was let out of bed, I can't clench my hands, walking is still tough sometimes and standing for long amounts of time brings me to my knees. The rash is taking its time moving along. I feel like I've aged a good 10 years with all the sitting and hobbling that I do but God is healing me.

Through this time I feel like the spiritual warfare has been a lot heavier. Arguments erupted that were rather silly, attitudes were not at their best, exhaustion was ever present and one thing after another happened that just had us all saying "Really?!?!"

But my favorite times in the past several weeks (besides the kids smiling faces and hilarious stories) has been devotions. James and Patrick have been leading them and both have done just fantastic jobs of listening to what God has to say through them. They've been so encouraging to us and the reminder that we've all been touched by this virus. We all dealt with it a little differently but we're all overcoming it together.

One night James spoke about prayer and how it shouldn't be a daily thing but every moment we should be looking to God. A couple of my brothers talked about how this virus has really taken a toll on them both physically and spiritually and it was awesome as God just moved and we began lifting and encouraging each other.

Our Pastor gave a sermon on "What's Wrong With the World?" and the answer is mankind and our selfish and sinful ways. We as humans can do anything and everything possible to try and fix it. We can give everyone houses and food but the problem is internal and only God can change that. He truly is the true remedy for the world.

While I have not enjoyed having Chikungya God has really used it to draw me closer to Him. I've had to rely on Him and trust Him so much and He's pulled through everytime; blessing me through His word and through other people and the kids here at Maranatha.

I can try to fix people and to do everything within my power to help them; but if I do not do it through the power of my Lord and Savior, I am of no help. I can talk all I want but if I'm not allowing God to speak through me, I speak in vain.

Patrick reminded me of one of my favorite quotes during devotions:

"We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine." D.L Moody