Growth Through Love

I'm a sucker for puppy eyes, dimples, toothy grins, hugs and laughter.

Those days when my back is reminding me of my injury or the Chikungunya virus decides to rear its head I decide, in my short time alone in the morning, that "today I will only hold one child at a time." I'm trying to learn self care and making choices that are good for me and unselfish.... I can almost hear God laughing "Yes Hope, that would be good for you but we both know you" but I'm stubborn and try to show God that I can do it! So I step through the door and into the yard to greet kids. I'm greeted by at least 2 smiling faces, shouts of "Ope!" or "Hopie" I'll kiss them all and pick up the first one to me; I encourage the other kids to keep playing or find them a ball etc "See God, one child in my... oh" a child walks through the gate I haven't seen in what seems like forever and she comes walking straight for me, rubbing one of her eyes and trying to hide the tears. The child in my arms has nestled their head into my neck, content and happy; without a second thought I sweep up the little girl with tears in her eyes, walk over to the little "step" and start talking with her and getting both of them to smile and laugh. By the time we head to breakfast I've got two on my hips, one choking me on my back, two who've placed their hands on my arms and one that just ran into my front hugging me and doesn't want to let go. This is what happens 8 times out of 10 and I don't know that I've ever made it through the gate to breakfast with only one child on/clinging/touching me... but I love these kids and I know these kids, their body language, characteristics, parts of their story (not sure anyone truly knows the entire true story) and I want to love every single one of them with a Christ like love every possible moment that I can and I pray that His love will plant deep roots in their hearts and that they will know that it's Jesus' love that they feel, for them to grow in grace, love and joy is my prayer. Here are the first part of a some stories:

"I can't do it" he says looking up at me with those chocolate puppy eyes, the scissors and gnarled piece of paper clutched in his hand
"I can't do it" she says sitting on the swing, her legs just hanging there and continue to beg me to push her
"I can't do it" he tells me with his body language as he slouches against the wall while everyone else eagerly waits in first position, hands waving in order to be picked to leap over the river.

Hearing the words "I can't do it" touches something in my heart, whether these words are said truthfully or just because a child doesn't "want to do it" something awakens in me, a fiery passion if you will. There have been a number of things in my life that I haven't done or didn't do as well as I could have because I thought to myself "I can't do it." no one encouraged me or told me I could. Now i'm not blaming anyone; one told me I couldn't do it or probably knew how much I struggled and I either tried to an extent and couldn't or talked myself down. But somewhere along the way I found Matthew 19:26 "with man this is impossible. But, with God; ALL things are possible" and found that I was trying to do it all on my own strength and when I found that I couldn't I wasn't running to my heavenly Father but gave up. Words have also made a huge impact on my life (which I may go into at a later date) but God is our Father and our Teacher and throughout my life God has been teaching me how to teach others through my own experiences.

Here are the rest of the stories: (I do not use the children's names for privacy reasons)

"I can't do it" he says looking up at me with those chocolate puppy eyes, the scissors and gnarled piece of paper clutched in his hand. There was chaos around me, kids asking for the next piece, paper flying, kids needing extra pieces and here in the middle was this little boy watching as the classmates around him were almost done and thinking he was not as good as them and wouldn't be. I took the crumbled paper from his hand smoothed it out and said "Yes, you can. I will help you" time slowed down as I took his little hands, fit them through the holes of the scissors and guided his hand to cut the oval. It wasn't perfect. Chunks were out of it but he'd cut it out and we both cheered and laughed together "now, you try it on your own" the joy in his face quickly faded and he shook his head "no cheri, you can do it, I'll help you when you need me to" he nodded and began cutting. I guided his hand twice but otherwise he cut out the oval on his own and we cheered again and I almost cried when he said (in perfect english) "I did it!"
   It's worth it to stop and to help someone in need. To guide them, not take over or do it for them but to guide them and encourage them.

"I can't do it" she says sitting on the swing, her legs just hanging there and continue to beg me to push her. I helped teach her to swing last year, but I know it's hard for her to start "You can swing, you've done it before. Would you like a little push?" she shakes her head "no" I laugh and tickle her "Yes, silly you can" she laughs and shes her head "Ok, tell me how we swing. What do we do with our legs?" she looks up at me her face bright "Straight legs and then bent legs! Straight legs, bent legs!" I give her a little push "Yes! Now show me" together we say straight legs, bent legs as she does it and before she knows it shes swinging I catch her and the swing in my arms as she shrieks with laughter telling her "See you can do it silly!" and the smile on her face is the only reply I need.
   It's worth it to remind people, we all need reminders because we forget, we talk ourselves down saying that "that was a long time ago" etc. and sometimes hearing someone say "Hey you can do this, remember when..." might just change someones mind or give them that little push towards greatness and swinging is pretty great ;)

"I can't do it" he tells me with his body language as he slouches against the wall while everyone else eagerly waits in first position, hands waving in order to be picked to leap over the river. I call him once and he doesn't move so I call another child then slowly make my way over to him, calling other names, corrections and encouragement to children as they leap. "Hey honey, will you leap for me?" he just shakes his head and won't look me in the eye "Come on, I know you can do it" I demonstrate for him with my hands what I want him to do and then demonstrate it by leaping myself "Come on buddy!" I get the other kids to cheer his name and finally a smile breaks through and he runs and leaps into a pretty good grande jete! (basically leaping and doing splits in the air)
   It's worth it to take time out and show someone something that they've been shown a thousand times before, to cheer and help give them the encouragement to take that leap, whether it is a literal leap or a leap of faith encourage one another, believers and nonbelievers alike.

I have been so privileged to watch all of our preschoolers grow in little and big ways because of Jesus working in and through all of us here at Marantha's Garden of Development. I've learned so much about how crucial early child development is and seen God's hand transform some of our kids all for His glory. We're on break this week and I already miss each of them but praying that they're shining their little lights at home this easter season.

To Fix

To fix, the Merriam Webster Dictionary gives these definitions: 

Fix
: to make (something) whole or able to work properly again: to repair (something)
: to deal with or correct (a problem) : to attach (something) in such a way that it will not move : to connect or join (things) physically

We're told to "fix" our eyes on Jesus in Hebrews 12:12(NIV) and in devotions over the last couple months God keeps bringing this back to me and to "be still and know that He is God" Psalm 46:10. I'm not good at being still; I like to be working on something, reading, listening to someone or music, doing something at all times otherwise I don't feel like I'm doing, anything... ha funny right? Sometimes we have good intentions, our servant hearts are pounding away, our eyes take in all the need and our hands and feet move and move and move. But, if our eyes are not fixed on God; if He is not driving us and moving us; it's all for not. Jesus says in Matthew 7:21-23 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!"

I had a deep talk with a wonderful friend a while back who, along with her husband, is the head of mobilization with an organization that is very close to my heart. We talked about how being a missionary is tough, both stateside and overseas. The: culture shock, asking people to sponsor you, learning the language, illness, dealing with the hardest of hearts, cultivating relationships etc, is all tough but I think all missionaries will tell you that the culmination of all of that and what is driven out of you is the toughest. I'm not talking about exhaustion. I'm talking about deep spiritual things, that "dark side" you didn't know you had, the past that you can't get away from that rises to the surface because becoming a missionary, you are not transformed into a perfect person when you step off the plane or start a Bible study etc in your hometown. You're just not. Sorry to burst y'alls bubbles but you are still you and if you have things that you have tucked away, hidden out of sight they will rise up and it's not a pretty thing. Some people come back broken and needing counseling, I know a handful of them stateside. 

I'm not saying these people failed or if you're there that you are failing. No. We're all in the same boat. We're all humans and hopefully this will be a good reminder not a beating.

We tend to forget that God is our Friend and Healer. We put Him in this box where He's God. And that's it. He's way up there and He's God. Too high to care about me, too high to accept my guilt and shame, too high and mighty to be anything but... God. Well; why don't you let God decide? Why don't you trust God with all of that? Let me put the definitions for fix a little differently:

Fix
: For God to make you whole or able to work properly again: to repair/heal you

: For God to deal with or correct a problem : For you to attach, to draw near in such a way that you will not be moved by the world : to connect or join spiritually

Put's "fix your eyes on God" in a different light, right? It's not "look at God"/"Look but do not talk or touch God. No, it's trusting God. It's letting Him heal and work in and through you. It's being held in His arms and being His daughter or son and not trying to do it yourself because, though you might be able to carry on for awhile you will eventually stumble and fall. I know because I've been there. I still stumble and fall and try to pull that burden back onto my shoulders. I wrestle. But God, He is continually chipping away and sculpting me into something beautiful. He doesn't make mistakes.

I love butterflies. They are a constant reminder of God's transforming power, you might feel imprisoned by your chrysalis, the change hurts and it's taking f.o.r.e.v.e.r...... but, we are new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17) and it's always worth it! God doesn't put us through unnecessary pain, His chisel didn't slip, that wasn't an "oops" because God doesn't make mistakes. How incredible and wonderful is that?! 

This next week, as we think on Jesus' sacrifice I encourage you to fix your eyes on Jesus, to let Jesus take those hurts and pains to the cross, to hand whatever it is over and let Him deal with it, to draw near to Him so that you can stand strong and continue on. The choice to let go is not easy but once you've opened your hand it's gone, it's truly gone.

For You

"This is for you"

Sometimes what we are given is something that we have longed for, hoped for and possibly dreamed about. Sometimes, it's something that reminded the person of us, or they knew we would like. And sometimes these words are not so loving or thoughtful... but the first week of March every single preschooler heard these words as they were giving and changed into a brand new pair of clothes from Ecola Bible School. Every single child. We were also getting their heights and weights and as I cheered and oohed and ahhed as children came to the scale showing off their new clothes and their faces shining with huge smiles, my heart was bursting with joy.

This was the second time I’ve been blessed to work with the Ecola Bible Team and hand out clothes to the preschoolers. The first time I had been in Haiti for about 2 months; I knew all the children’s names and relationships had started; I was excited for all the kids and I thought it was really cool. It's been over a year now and I've learned so much this past year about love, teaching, Haiti, God and myself and this past time with Ecola was different; truly knowing the kids, their stories, their characters and seeing how God had provided for every single one of them, whether it was: the style of the clothes, what was written or that there was extra clothing for our new preschooler and seeing how much it meant to them was truly a beautiful thing to witness.

 I was suddenly choked up when I saw three of our oldest girls receive clothes that were perfect for them. These girls have all gone through a lot and the majority of it I probably don’t know but, the way these girls press forward, how their smiles are still so bright and their laughs are genuine is truly the hand of God. They’ve been working so hard to catch up on schooling, as they’ve missed a lot, and have surprised us all with how fast they are moving in their books now. One of them pulled out her new shirt; we caught eachothers eye and her face said it all; in that moment there was complete love and she knew it, she knew this had been specifically chosen for her.

To give a gift is a wonderful to thing and God offers us the greatest and most beautiful gift of all: salvation through His son Jesus’ death on the cross and accepting it… to accept the most perfect gift with the utmost thought for you is life changing and no matter what life throws at us, as it will, we can smile, laugh and dance because Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead for us all… He died for you.

Still Alive

Hey guys!
Can you believe it's March already?! Time flies so fast; grateful that every day is a day to walk and grow closer to our Savior Jesus Christ wherever we are :) February was crazy and while many of you heard from me through email I did not update my blog. So, thought I should give y'all an update and let you know that I am in fact, still alive! Here is: What happened in February!

First week - My wonderful directors, Byron and Shelley Tlucek celebrated their wedding anniversary with a much needed trip to Florida without 5 kids in tow. They left on a Thursday and the weekend went by without a hitch! However, it seems that Haiti knows when they leave the country and decides to throw a temper tantrum; like a preschooler. This time there were manifestations over gas prices and the public transportations (tap taps) were not running; which means protestors, riots, people unable to get to school or work and everything over, under and in between. God protected us from everything but it was a rough two days where we had a 1/2 day with 1/4 of the students and teachers and had to cancel the second day because it simply wasn't safe. The kids trickled back in the rest of the week but there was still a cloud of unrest that hovered over our little island in the sun.

Second week - A few weeks prior Shelley and Byron offered to buy a plane ticket to Florida as a birthday present. My best friend and I dreamed up what we were going to do on our 21st birthdays in jr high never dreaming that she would be married and living in Florida and I would be teaching dance and preschool in Haiti.  The ticket was bought! However, that Monday more manifestations were scheduled and the US Embassy had sent a text telling people to stay off the streets. I was nervous waking up Monday morning, we'd already canceled school and my flight wasn't until 3:00. Unlike the previous Monday smoke from tires and cars burning was not detected and it was strangely quiet; if you have little kids this is usually a very bad sign and having had 5 younger siblings and 88 preschoolers I wasn't sure how to take this. Needless to say I had a flight to catch and we headed off to the airport. The streets were empty! I probably could have counted less than 30 people on the streets from our house to the airport which is crazyyy. I feel like God took us under His wing and hid us from less than friendly eyes as we traveled; anything, literally anything is possible with God :)
  I was off to Florida at last! My best friend worked the mornings into the early afternoon which was actually perfect as I slept until 10-11ish every morning, took a hot shower (I will forever appreciate those) and was able to spend a couple hours in God's word, journaling, reading and just... being still.

Be still and know that I am God ~ H.e.r Photography

Thursday we went dress shopping, it was very different as there was no bargaining or people trying to get me to buy certain things and in a way I was ok with that but I missed the relationship you build with the person and the banter you can sometimes have with a shop owner. Needless to say we had a fun time laughing and finding the most "interesting" dresses. We did finf the perfect dresses at ROSS' for 1/4 of the original price though!

Friday, my birthday, we dressed up and were of to the Cheesecake factory! We had decided that we were just going to trust God and not worry about anything and though traffic at first was a little heavy, we made it to our destination only 15min late and were able to get a table immediately! Angela asked if they do anything special for birthdays since it was my birthday, the waitress told us that they could write Happy Birthday on the cheesecake but that was it. I laughed and told her not to worry as we were celebrating both our birthdays. But, when they brought out the cheesecake, a single candle was lit on both and an Italian waiter came out and sang Happy Birthday :)

Saturday I flew to Kansas for my 3rd oldest sisters wedding! It was a crazy time as final preparations were underway but everything came together and it was truly a beautiful wedding. I'm excited for these two as they begin their life together even though we're an ocean apart we're never far in heart.

Flew back home to Haiti a couple days after the wedding and jumped right back into my Haiti life :) So that is your February update! I'm still alive and God continues to work in and through me and to grow me in all different ways and I'm praying He continues to do the same in all of your lives.