You Never Let Me Down

(This was written in May but somewhere in the craziness was never posted so, here it is)

Last year, around this time I wrote an post on the Chikungunya virus and what God was teaching me through it. Well May seems to be the month of sickness for me in Haiti; Wednesday, the 13th of May, I came down with a case of mumps that had spread like wildfire through the preschool. It was kind of funny as I learned that the literal kreyol translation for mumps is: sick sheep and was told by my fellow teachers and Haitian brothers that when they call out "malmouton" (sick sheep) I have to "baa" and I will be healed. It didn't work but the staff did visit me in my room for a good laugh at my swollen cheeks and to pray over me. Such wonderful, God loving people.

After spending almost a week in bed, I was able to be up that Monday though it was a holiday so no school. Tuesday I got to play, gently, with my preschoolers. However, Wednesday I woke with with a horrible migraine, nausea, hot sweats, fever, chills, a weird chest pain and vomiting. The first day I slept the majority of it, holding a pillow over my head and a thick blanket to somehow block out: preschool, airplanes landing and taking off, motorcycles, drums, horns, cars, bells, dogs.... everything; it hurt to open my eyes, even the dark was too bright and the noise, the tiniest thing was SO loud. 

I've been having issues with nightmares while living in Haiti and the second day I had this urgency to be with Jesus and to really just focus on Him and it honestly turned into one of the sweetest times with Jesus I've ever had, just listening to His voice which cut through the loud noise like a soothing lullaby. The night before, a dear friend, who I hadn't spoken to in awhile, skyped me & had reminded me that God is holding me and telling me that He loves me over and over and over again and I need to stop and listen. It was truly a gift from God because as I lay there, "hiding" from the world, recalling these words; I heard God whispering it to me and I began to go through all the Bible verses my mom had my siblings and me memorize in school (thank you mamacita) and this peace and even joy touched my heart as I lay there the 7 dwarfs mining away at me skull and God blessed me with beautiful dreams and deep sleep.

The third day I was doing better but, if I moved I was lunging for the bathroom to throw up, not my favorite thing in the world. It didn't hurt to open my eyes anymore and I could look at a screen for 10 minutes before I started seeing spots :p I updated y'all and then began listening to music on my ipod; God always speaks to me through music and (as my wonderful madame Sue force fed me rehydration fluid every 10 min) I put my ipod on shuffle listening to my favorite christian artist worship God and I was touched so deeply as I listened to the words and felt the power behind the music. My heart and soul began to worship and His presence surrounded me as I lay there.

There is a lady who toured with one of my all time favorite artists and authors: Andrew Peterson (seriously go look him up if you don't know his work and buy it ALL) her name was Jill Philips. And I remember being so touched by her as a 13-14 year old that I spent the money I'd earned that week buying both her CD's and I listened to her for months! I haven't listened to her for a few years but one of my favorite songs came on that day and it spoke such truth, I cried. Here is my favorite part of the song: 

You might let me cry
You might let me sing
You might let me feel a fraction of your suffering
But you won't let me down
You never let me down

If I could just stop striving
And surrender to your holy power
I know your loving arms will lift me up
And never let me down
You never let me down

I struggle with letting people down; even thinking that I might throws a wrench in my stomach and I'll do just about anything to not let people down. And that's wrong. God didn't make me to please people. He gave me a heart to feel deeply and to love courageously, eyes to see needs, feet to go where He is and hands to hold those who are falling apart all in His name and for His glory alone. He's never let me down and He's never once called me a bad name or pushed me away from Him because I didn't do a "perfect job" or I didn't "work hard enough" or I spent all day in bed.... no... in every moment of our day there is time to draw closer to God, to stop and just be in His presence, seeking His will and just listening. Especially when you're laying in bed doing... nothing. God doesn't waste time. He could have sent Jesus as a grown man down to earth, Jesus could have only spent and week on this earth but He didn't. And for so many reasons I'm positive I don't know all of them. But He's always seeking us and by our side, It's not all for not; no matter how painful it gets or how many tears you cry if your heart is chasing after Him your life, though it may not go exactly how you'd like, will be an incredible adventure and as you look back you'll see His hand and though it seemed like you were in the pit of despair he really never let you down.

I did, after one failed trip to the doctor, another successful trip to the doctor, tests, rehydration fluid, prayers, medication and a ton of sleep get better. My tests all came back negative, we think it was the new Zika virus or one of the many unnamed virus here in Haiti ;) I'm continuing to plug away here in Haiti, I appreciate all the prayers and donations you guys send. There will be more updates coming soon!

Starting From Scratch

Have you ever made something from scratch?

It takes quite a bit of work. First you find the recipe you want make, buy all the different ingredients, and begin mixing it all together. Certain recipes you have to measure things exactly or cut a certain way or they will not turn out right. Sometimes you're a little short of something and a dash to the store is needed and ah! You're almost done and you forgot to preheat the oven! 

When life begins to get away from you and you've had a horrible day, the last thing you want to do is bake or cook anything. Making things from scratch is time consuming, it's messy, it's hard and I guess that's why now you can buy almost, if not everything in a box at a grocery store or from a bakery. It's easier to take 10 minutes (give or take) to go through the drive-thru for dinner or buy a cake for some one's birthday then to make it yourself. And it's not a sin to do these things, I've had those days too.

However, you can truly tell the difference from a store bought and a home cooked meal/dessert. I'm not saying that everything store bought isn't good but our homemade brownies.... Betty Crocker can't hold a candle too. It's harder and time consuming but it tastes better and is so worth it! Also, people appreciate a homemade meal, you took time and effort out of your busy day to make something they'd all enjoy eating. It says a lot without saying anything.

God is the same way. When we accept Jesus as our Savior He doesn't pull a new us off the shelf and things don't immediately fall into place. You still have debt from college loans, you're still unemployed, you still have those pounds you want to shed, you may still be addicted to _____ (though yes I know some people who quit cold turkey after accepting Jesus) etc. but; now you have hope, peace, love and you have a Father to guide you as you walk the path who is forming you and making you into a new creation day by day by day. God starts from scratch with us, wiping the slate clean. Yes. We have a fresh start and the journey is time consuming; we feel like we take two steps forward some days and two steps backwards other days, we aren't perfect. It's messy as we deal with the ugliness of sin. It's a hard and narrow path... but, it's worth it!

All good things take time. To get from one place to another you must travel the distance in between. To run a race you must first train. To turn a triple pirouette you need to learn how to turn a single pirouette. And on and on and on the list goes.

I've started dance classes here in Haiti from scratch. No studio already in place, no dance assistants, no mirrors, no dancewear. And it is hard, it is messy, it is time consuming but God has been reminding me these past two days that it is worth it. I know that it is true, though my head wants things to move much much faster... but, as God put on my heart New Years, 2015 is the year to be still and know that He is God. To draw close to Him and His Word, to grow in my relationship with Him and it's worth it.

 So, I encourage you all to run with perseverance, to continue on though you're discouraged and you would like to "Just be there all ready!" or to finally see progress. I promise if you're doing His work it is always worth it. We don't see all the behind the scene or the future scenes ahead but He is working. Do not be discouraged for you are His, do not long to race ahead to the end of the book for every moment is leading to something far bigger than you have ever dreamed