You Never Let Me Down

(This was written in May but somewhere in the craziness was never posted so, here it is)

Last year, around this time I wrote an post on the Chikungunya virus and what God was teaching me through it. Well May seems to be the month of sickness for me in Haiti; Wednesday, the 13th of May, I came down with a case of mumps that had spread like wildfire through the preschool. It was kind of funny as I learned that the literal kreyol translation for mumps is: sick sheep and was told by my fellow teachers and Haitian brothers that when they call out "malmouton" (sick sheep) I have to "baa" and I will be healed. It didn't work but the staff did visit me in my room for a good laugh at my swollen cheeks and to pray over me. Such wonderful, God loving people.

After spending almost a week in bed, I was able to be up that Monday though it was a holiday so no school. Tuesday I got to play, gently, with my preschoolers. However, Wednesday I woke with with a horrible migraine, nausea, hot sweats, fever, chills, a weird chest pain and vomiting. The first day I slept the majority of it, holding a pillow over my head and a thick blanket to somehow block out: preschool, airplanes landing and taking off, motorcycles, drums, horns, cars, bells, dogs.... everything; it hurt to open my eyes, even the dark was too bright and the noise, the tiniest thing was SO loud. 

I've been having issues with nightmares while living in Haiti and the second day I had this urgency to be with Jesus and to really just focus on Him and it honestly turned into one of the sweetest times with Jesus I've ever had, just listening to His voice which cut through the loud noise like a soothing lullaby. The night before, a dear friend, who I hadn't spoken to in awhile, skyped me & had reminded me that God is holding me and telling me that He loves me over and over and over again and I need to stop and listen. It was truly a gift from God because as I lay there, "hiding" from the world, recalling these words; I heard God whispering it to me and I began to go through all the Bible verses my mom had my siblings and me memorize in school (thank you mamacita) and this peace and even joy touched my heart as I lay there the 7 dwarfs mining away at me skull and God blessed me with beautiful dreams and deep sleep.

The third day I was doing better but, if I moved I was lunging for the bathroom to throw up, not my favorite thing in the world. It didn't hurt to open my eyes anymore and I could look at a screen for 10 minutes before I started seeing spots :p I updated y'all and then began listening to music on my ipod; God always speaks to me through music and (as my wonderful madame Sue force fed me rehydration fluid every 10 min) I put my ipod on shuffle listening to my favorite christian artist worship God and I was touched so deeply as I listened to the words and felt the power behind the music. My heart and soul began to worship and His presence surrounded me as I lay there.

There is a lady who toured with one of my all time favorite artists and authors: Andrew Peterson (seriously go look him up if you don't know his work and buy it ALL) her name was Jill Philips. And I remember being so touched by her as a 13-14 year old that I spent the money I'd earned that week buying both her CD's and I listened to her for months! I haven't listened to her for a few years but one of my favorite songs came on that day and it spoke such truth, I cried. Here is my favorite part of the song: 

You might let me cry
You might let me sing
You might let me feel a fraction of your suffering
But you won't let me down
You never let me down

If I could just stop striving
And surrender to your holy power
I know your loving arms will lift me up
And never let me down
You never let me down

I struggle with letting people down; even thinking that I might throws a wrench in my stomach and I'll do just about anything to not let people down. And that's wrong. God didn't make me to please people. He gave me a heart to feel deeply and to love courageously, eyes to see needs, feet to go where He is and hands to hold those who are falling apart all in His name and for His glory alone. He's never let me down and He's never once called me a bad name or pushed me away from Him because I didn't do a "perfect job" or I didn't "work hard enough" or I spent all day in bed.... no... in every moment of our day there is time to draw closer to God, to stop and just be in His presence, seeking His will and just listening. Especially when you're laying in bed doing... nothing. God doesn't waste time. He could have sent Jesus as a grown man down to earth, Jesus could have only spent and week on this earth but He didn't. And for so many reasons I'm positive I don't know all of them. But He's always seeking us and by our side, It's not all for not; no matter how painful it gets or how many tears you cry if your heart is chasing after Him your life, though it may not go exactly how you'd like, will be an incredible adventure and as you look back you'll see His hand and though it seemed like you were in the pit of despair he really never let you down.

I did, after one failed trip to the doctor, another successful trip to the doctor, tests, rehydration fluid, prayers, medication and a ton of sleep get better. My tests all came back negative, we think it was the new Zika virus or one of the many unnamed virus here in Haiti ;) I'm continuing to plug away here in Haiti, I appreciate all the prayers and donations you guys send. There will be more updates coming soon!

Recipe for Lemonade

"When life give you lemons; make lemonade" sounds simple enough! Though; you do need something to cut the lemons, something to squeeze them, something to put the juice in and unless you like super sour lemonade some sugar and water. Not as easy as it originally seemed, right? I've had a rough couple of weeks and though I'm still working on "making lemonade" with my lemons; here is my recipe so far.

Lemonade for life:

1) cup fresh squeezed lemon juice

As we walk daily with Christ and seek His will and work towards the furthering of His Kingdom; Satan works against us and it can be discouraging, drawn out, hard, stressful and leave a bitter taste in your mouth. The car breaks down for the upteenth time and you don't have money for repairs = lemon. Someone starts talking badly behind your back at work = lemon. A family member is suddenly hospitalized = lemon. You lose your job = lemon. Life is changing and you don't know where to go or what to do = lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon. Life isn't easy and God even promises us in His word that it won't be easy! As I've grown I feel like God keeps giving me a distaste for this world; material things here just don't satisfy and the world becomes more and more sinister and it's a hard to not be hardened, crabby or bitter towards people. So take all of that and put it in God's pitcher.

2) cups sugar
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects,  always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Cor. 13:4-8 just as a "spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" so does a couple cups of love, even a dash of love and those lemons are not as sour as they used to be. Perspective is everything and situations can either break you or make you stronger and therefore draw you closer to God or pull you away. Things get so hard and depressing so fast and when you meditate on them they become bigger and harder. However; that's where God comes in and when we trust Him our perspective shifts from the problems and ourselves to Him and He shows us the beauty of His hand, how little the problems are and the joy hidden in the mess.

3) cups cold water
The Word of God is living water to our thirsty souls. He speaks so clearly in His word and I've been brought to tears countless time by the beauty, love and wisdom that I've found drinking from His Word and pouring out my heart to Him in prayer. Prayer is essential and it doesn't have to be pretty! It can be just that gut wrenching cry as you just drop to your knees, that tear that silently trickles down your cheek or a whispered "Help me". God understands. He knows our hearts, our dreams, desires, hurts, how many times we've smiled and how many times we've cried. Our prayer to Him doesn't need to be eloquent, it needs to be real. 

So, take your lemon juice and begin to sprinkle it with some sugar. It's not easy as the majority of the time we'd much rather "give people what they deserve" which love usually isn't the first thing that pops into our minds. But, love anyway. Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." and it's a struggle for sure but Satan has already been defeated, don't live life like he's won. 
Add your water as you are filled through Jesus' word and stir vigorously. 

Just keep trusting, praying, drawing near to Him and loving. You'll begin to see a change in ways you wouldn't have thought possible.