Haiti Christmas Trip #1

Little islands started to appear out of the Caribbean sea and I could feel my heart start to quicken it's beat; almost there, my heart sighed; it'd been too long. In fact it was exactly 2 weeks shy of being a full year since I last stepped foot in Haiti.

The warm, thick, dusty air was welcoming and as I climbed into the back of the truck, atop a pile of bins and suitcases, it felt like I'd never left, it felt like I was home again. However, though I would like time to stand still when I leave Haiti or I wish I could live in two places at once, it doesn't work like that, things were different as Maranatha has grown and wonderful interns have come or returned to serve at Maranatha, there was a new class of two year olds that I knew only from pictures and there were 16 little faces that no longer attended preschool; 2 little girls in particular that I'd worked with and watched grow so much during my time in Haiti were sorely missed - though I know my Jesus is holding them in the palm of His hand.

I read a blog last year about why missionaries can never go home, this little piece of it is so true, it hits me every time I read it: "Home is no longer home.  And sadly, that other place on the mission field will never truly be home either.  Home is both places, and neither place, at the same time." this is all too true but I love having two homes and two large families! It was so wonderful to see the Tlucek family again and see how their ministry has grown and all the wonderful changes :)

The first full day in Haiti was a whirlwind of emotions and activities, I wish I would have thought to record the staff and children's reactions; lots of screaming, hugging, lots of laughs and a couple little girls that were upset I'd left them. Children grow so much in just a year it really isn't fair! I managed to not cry until a certain little girl was placed in my arms.... She was fondly nicknamed zetwal (star in kreyol) by another intern that first semester I was in Haiti and it fits her so perfectly I've called her it ever since. She is the littlest of my 3 Haitian sisters and had been on my heart and mind so much the past year that to actually hold her again and know that she was ok... I can't find the words to describe. I carried her inside and sat down with the oldest class for assembly and the tears really flowed as I looked around at all the familiar faces, my little zetwal and another girl just sat and wiped my tears away with their hands telling me it was ok and to not cry.

I spent the first class period with the oldest group that have a class with an amazing American teacher ALL in English! They proudly showed off their English for me and I almost cried again seeing how far they've come and how well they're doing with their studies; especially the ones that I knew had really struggled beforehand. 

The next class period I went around checking on my team that had plugged in with different groups or stations, I truly had a wonderful team and I'm thankful for each one of them and the unique gifts they each brought.

The last class I spent playing with playdough - when we had the letter P for the week my first year in Haiti I taught the kids how to make playdough crowns and this lil firecracker remembered!

I took a very long nap after that and then we went on a trip to the metal arts! One of my favorite places to go - yes despite the clanging and hammering I LOVE it! At the tin market/metal arts artisans create the most fascinating, beautiful and comical things out of tin ;)

As we finished with dinner and were sitting together under the gazebo, waiting for devotions to start and just enjoying everyones company and stories from the day, my eyes kept wandering up to the top of the gazebo where my father had put chicken wire up last year to keep pigeons away, and then to the grapevines that wove their way around the pool and back up to the gazebo that he'd trimmed so carefully before. In all the crazy and all the joy from the day there was grief again, there was the void a 6' 4" father could only fill and all I wanted in the world was for my father to be sitting at that table. Worship and devotions started and the tears refused to fall

Kisses

I've known him for a year a half. He didn't attend preschool this past year and knowing a lot of his story, this scared me as my mind would race from one scenario to the next. I saw him earlier this year, but he wouldn't talk or look at me. His yellow rain boots had seen better days and the infection on his head was back in full force. "I don't know" his old teacher replied when I asked what was wrong "I don't think he's doing well in school and he's ashamed of that" I held him close for awhile, trying to find the right words. Encouraging words. I held him arms length away "Cheri?" his hands stayed over his face, I gently tried to bring them down but he refused and started to back away "ok ok cheri" I pulled him back into a hug and kissed his head "I love you..... and we all miss you" he nodded, his face still hidden. "Ok I will see you again, yes?" he nodded again as he headed out the black gate through the murky puddles back to wherever he'd come from. My heart was heavy and I sent a message to some friends that knew him, asking for prayer.

I didn't see him for a couple months and then suddenly, as I was saying goodbye to the preschoolers and gathering registration forms, his head popped around the corner along with another boy! I ran over kissing his dirty cheeks and smiling like crazy "You're here! I've missed you! Let me look at you!" the infection on his head had cleared up and he looked happier, still cautious but happier. One of the mothers was waiting for me to make a copy of her child's birth certificate and I had to get change for another; ay, if only time would stand still for a little bit, right? He told me he was doing ok in school and he was here to pick up his cousin, and that his friend wanted water. I laughed, kissed him again (though he tried to dodge it) grabbed a couple cups of water and raced up the stairs.
Returning with change and the birth certificate he was just exiting the gate, I called after him and he begrudgingly stepped back inside "you can't leave without saying goodbye!" he rolled his eyes and tried to hurry out the gate but I caught him, kissed him on the cheek, told him I loved him. He shrugged and laughed grabbing his cousin's hand and headed back down the road again.

School ended and English Camp registration was almost full and I hadn't seen him or his half brother, who also used to attend preschool. "God's watching out for them" I kept telling myself praying and hoping they would both make it in time. The last day we did registration, I was bringing a form to the registration table and there he sat, waiting to be registered! He moved up a class this year but I would still be his teacher :D He was unresponsive to me and kept staring at his dusty sandals. I didn't push it "I will see you at camp, ok? I'm so glad you're here" gave him a pat on the back and headed back inside.

For the first few weeks of English Camp he wouldn't talk to me again, I always caught him as the kids filed into my classroom and kissed his forehead but he usually shrugged it off. I decided that that was enough every morning and to not push him further than that. I really wanted to just take him aside and find out what really was going on but knowing him, that wouldn't work. The third week of camp I was talking to another child and as he walked by with his class he gave me a huge kiss on the cheek! From that point on he was back to being his cheerful, mischievous self that I'd known him as. He began participating in the games and exercises, helping his classmates understand the rules, wanting piggyback rides, smiling, laughing and wanting to hold my hand.

His turnaround was one of the highlights of my summer and I know that I played a just a small role in his story. English Camp is an incredible program. While yes, the children are given the opportunity to learn and practice speaking English, learn about science and their world from a godly perspective, hear Bible stories, memorize Bible verses, have their questions answered; the main goal is to shine the love of God to these kids. To give them godly examples and leaders, to teach them how to be good leaders, to encourage them in any way we can, and for every child to leave knowing that they are loved and precious in God's eyes. That Jesus died on the cross and defeated death by rising from the grave three day later so that He could call us each of them His sons and daughters. Its an exciting thing to be a part of to watch God fulfill every year!

If you would like to donate towards this ministry please go to: mcmhaiti.org and donate

"Cheri mwen a"

Pre-Camp Week

Last week we had pre-camp. Pre-Camp is when all of the people who would like to be translators or junior counselors, as well as out staff, get to experience a week of English camp.

Through out this week we, as the teachers, group leaders and directors watch the potential junior counselors and their behavior through out the week. We look for people, who are attentive, follow instructions, take initiative, good leaders, gentle and good-natured. For translators we look for the same attributes along with how well their English and translating skills are. I have a lot of respect for translators; as I work on my second language I know that translating isn’t as easy as we would like to think it is. The literal translation is not always the same and so quickly one has to think how it would make sense in another language and then say it. I stumble a lot when volunteers ask me what a child says. Yes, some things are very simple to translate but other things are cultural and therefore need a much longer translation. We had 100 people signed up for pre-camp! Sadly we could only take a total of 26 so a lot of prayers for God to make it very clear whom He would like to have in camp went up through out the week.

There are four classes everyday that the groups rotate through (during camp they’re split into older and younger) they are: English, science, Bible and PE. We split boys into two groups and the same with the girls. I helped put together the science curriculum this year; I love science and seeing all the tiny details God made everything with. Our summer director Andrew let me to teach the science class and while I was really nervous about teaching and getting all the facts straight; Monday morning came and I was fairly confident as I went to class. The science curriculum is themed: 6 Weeks of Creation. So, each week we focus on one day of creation the first week going through creation and then talking about light, light energy etc. the first day was relatively easy as I simply read the Genesis 1, 2:1-2 explaining and going into depth after each day of creation and then having the class draw inside a chart what happened on each of the 7 days. I concluded by really driving the point that God simply spoke, it wasn’t a magic spell, he didn’t use any sort of instrument He simply said “let there be” and there was. God is THAT powerful and that same powerful God loves each of us and desires a relationship with us.

The first class was a little restless; I had some issues with one of the guys but the rest of my classes went better. I had the boys first, a break for lunch and then the girls. My last class on Monday I asked if anyone knew what God created the first day; they were all shocked when I told them that “the heavens and earth” was wrong. “Genesis 1:1” they all said and when I began to read they were all shocked as I went through the three days of forming, three days of filling and the last day of rest. Monday was a good reminder, to me, that preaching the gospel and starting at the very beginning is important and how powerful God is.

Tuesday - I decided to do week 2 so that the junior counselors who would be working in camp wouldn’t hear the exact same week of science all over again. Day 2 of creation God separated the sky and the water. The day before things went well but I felt like there needed to be more interaction; this was also the day that the people wanting to be translators got a chance to translate for the teachers instead of our group leaders. I went to my class excited as I had a fun experiment to do with the class! I began by reviewing the order of creation and asking the class what happened each day; they stumbled a little but got it with a little help. I began to talk about the atmosphere and how it protects the earth, we talked about weather, the water cycle and pollution and then we made rain in a jar with: water, shaving cream and blue food coloring. So much fun! As I taught I myself was really touched on how incredibly perfect God had made things for us and how we mess it up. God told Adam and Eve to take care of the earth and the animals and we aren’t doing a good job of the job God gave us!

My third class, as I explained the atmosphere God began to speak and though this wasn’t in the lesson plan at all I began to talk about meteorites burning up in the atmosphere and falling stars; my translator stopped before translating what I just said and the staff members (who speak English) in the class were stunned “what did you say?” she asked, I repeated about falling stars and she shook her head in disbelief and translated it; then everyone was stunned and began talking. “Um… what just happened?” I asked, she laughed as she explained that in Haiti they’ve all been told that a falling star is a sign that someone is going to die. Again, God moved and I explained that no, a falling star is actually kind of the opposite. It’s a reminder that God is protecting us from meteorites that might cause damage and maybe kill us. So I encouraged them to remember that and share with their families that when they see a shooting star they shouldn’t be afraid but comforted because God is in control and He’s protecting us because He is God and He loves us. I went on to explain that every little part of creation is important if we didn’t have one part of the water cycle it wouldn’t work at all. God doesn’t make mistakes and just like God designed and made everything for a reason He did the same with each of us. We’re all here for a reason, we all make a difference whether we believe it or not.

Tuesday I was reminded that I’m God’s instrument to play a beautiful melody on, when I’m in tune with Him, and I’m just so thankful that He chooses to use me to touch others lives and that I am here.

Wednesday - the third day of creation God created the land, plants and the sea. I decided to talk about plants, land and then do a volcano experiment! My first class was still my hardest class but we got through it and they loved the volcano! The rest of my classes were so interested in plants that we didn’t have time to do the volcano! I had a volunteer draw a tree (as in the middle of my “classroom” stood a very tall tree and I used it as an example) and then different people come up and draw what the tree needed to make food. I also went over chlorophyll and how it makes leaves green and one of our preschool teachers was shocked “I never knew that before, the leaves are green because of chlorophyll! But now thanks to your lesson I know that!” she said laughing after our staff meeting.

Tuesday we’d given the people who were trying out to be translators a chance; most were guys and so Wednesday I asked some of the girls who’d been coming to English camp for a long time to translate for me and they actually did a really good job!!! I was so impressed!

As I went over the different things a tree need in order to make food and to live God moved once again and I began to explain how we, like trees, need to dig deep into God’s word which is like water to our thirsty souls, how the holy spirit lives in us and changes us (like the plants take the carbon dioxide and turn it into oxygen) how without God’s one and only son we cannot have eternal life! The older ladies in my group shouted out some “amens” and “thank-you Lords”. Wednesday I pray God planted seeds in hearts that will grow and each of my students will come to know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior.

Fun fact: I can only say photosynthesis a total of 2 times before I get tongue-tied. We spent a good 5 minutes laughing about it and then I found the kreyol word is SO much easier to say and began using it: fotosentèz (photo-sin-tez)

Thursday – the fourth day of creation God created the: sun, moon and stars. I planned on talking about all of them but highlighting the moon as I’d noticed that the moon (I’ve always found space fascinating) was a waxing crescent the night before! I dreaded my first class in all honesty. But God just pressed on my heart to be cheerful and loving no matter what and as I prayed for the fruits of the spirit to be poured out the entire class changed. Guys were cheering for each other, helping one another out, answering questions, those that had caused problems were actually listening… it was one of the fastest answer to prayer I’ve ever experienced and I was SO grateful!

We talked about how the earth rotates around the sun and the moon rotates around the earth. I had three volunteers try and replicate it. We had a very small space and so as you can imagine it didn’t go well. I am a perfectionist but before any anxiety and degrading thoughts could even start, I laughed. Literally burst up laughing, as God showed me how silly we humans are. I had the class give the volunteers a round of applause and began to explain that even though there were several of us trying to get the volunteers to do it correctly we couldn’t get them to. It was a mess! “Aren’t you glad that God is in charge and not us?!” we went on to discuss how God once again created everything perfectly, His math is right on and if it was slightly off we’d be in big trouble.

We went over the phases of the moon next. I asked if any of them had seen the moon the previous night some had but they couldn’t remember what it had looked like. I encouraged them to look at the moon that night and try and figure out what phase it was at. All of my classes had so many questions about the moon we didn’t get to the sun and stars!

As Thursday was the last day of normal classes I again reiterated that God is the one who created the earth, in seven days, that the earth is young, how powerful God is, how He is in every little detail and that He does everything for a reason though we might not understand it or know why we’re all here for a reason and we have a choice to follow Him or to not.

Friday – Friday is called Friday fun day; we don’t have classes but fun activities where at least one involves water ;) My activity was musical chairs, which we had a blast with! We don’t have a lot of chairs but mainly benches, (which I’ve played with before in preschool but its not easy and doesn’t always work) and last year we’d used little pieces of cardboard to mark places. However; I’d found that with the preschoolers if I had them make a circle and then squat when the music stopped I would just choose the last person to squat or sit down and the last two I’d bring out a folding chair and it would be like “normal” musical chairs. The little kids LOVE it and so we tried it for Friday fun day. They also loved it and it ended up going faster then I thought it would and so I switched it up a little: the 2^nd round we chose one person to be in the middle of the group and choose an action for the entire group to do (e.g march with hands in the air, hop, shuffle, grocery cart etc.) it made it a little harder as they had to follow the person in the middle as well as listen for the music to stop and start. Lots of laughs! We still had time for another round and so the 3^rd round if a person got out they got to be the one in the middle, choosing what move people did and then when someone else got out they would go sit down and that person would take their place in the middle so that everyone got a turn J

I laughed so hard as some of the moves (walk like a chicken) were just hysterical and then when our older ladies got in the middle and started getting down with the music; everyone was good sports and it was a great ending to a wonderful week.

Friday was also hard because it was when Andrew chose who would help in English camp; there were a lot of disappointed people but for the most part they took it very well and we hope to see them again next year and that what they learned and saw during pre week God would use to draw them to Himself.

Count it All Joy

“I can’t believe this is the last day of preschool” this thought kept circling round and round my head from the moment I woke up on Friday to the moment I laid it down. Time in Haiti is funny thing. As far as time concerning a clock the people of Haiti don't really run their lives by it. Most people show up late or whenever they want; whether they had an appointment at a certain time for or a wedding was supposed to start at 2 and it's just now about to begin at 4:30; you have to laugh most of the time and sometimes it’s nice to not worry about the time. But; there are only two seasons (in my Kansas mind) here in Haiti: Summer and fall. Because, the majority of the time it’s hot and humid and leaves fall every day. Literally. Every morning someone sweeps or fishes flowers and leaves out of the pool or yard and into a wheelbarrow and by the next morning more will have fallen. Don't get me wrong I don't miss freezing from October to May AT ALL but it makes a year, over a year here, time wise, seem very strange.

This was my second preschool graduation in Haiti and both times I've been so humbled as God opens my eyes to see just how far these kids have come and their perseverance throughout the year. It's easy to get frustrated with a student and to focus on the wrong things; like where the child should be compared to other children, how many times you've corrected this or told them that. But Shelley, one of my director's, holds staff meetings at the end of the day and she always asks us "How did you see God work today? What prayers did you see answered? What child needs prayer" and as we talk about our day she never fails to encourage and remind us just how far a child's come and that the fact that while yes pouting and whining isn't ideal it is actually a step up from them lashing out at other children or us! 

4's and 5's singing

We split our three classes up and had each of them put together a little program for their parents. The oldest class went first; singing and clapping to This is the Day in English and Kreyol. They then recited Genesis 1:1 in English, French and Kreyol.

"Thank you God for my mouth to sing praises to you"

One of the girls had memorized a Haitian poem thanking God for eyes to see His creation, a mouth to sing praise etc. in choosing Bible verses for the children to memorize we wanted something that the children could hold on to and put into practice and Philippians 4:11-13 came to mind; it was a little over a month to graduation and they would need to memorize it in 3 languages and not only did they memorize it but a song in French and English that was made from that verse! After repeating the 5 rules of school they lifted up their angelic voices and began to sing 10,000 Reasons (verse 1 and the chorus in English)

The 5 rules of school

As I had been sick most of the month of May I chose 10 of the kids to work with the last 2 weeks of school, who remembered the first part of their routine, to dance for their parents. I must confess I was a little worried when we started but they persevered, listened, made corrections and danced beautifully to All in All for their parents. I chose All in All because I had heard it sung outside of preschool and several parents actually started quietly singing along as the kids danced making it even more beautiful :)

Proud Mama

Then came the 3's class singing Stop and Let Me Tell You led by two of their classmates. Their Bible verse was Psalm 34:1 "I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth"

"Stop and let me tell you what the Lord has done for me"

They then sang the colors of the rainbow and a couple shouted out the colors in English while waving a paper with that color, so cute! One of our 3's knew the song Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes in English and Kreyol. Her tiny little voice echoed through the car port as everyone sat quietly listening to her :)

One of our teachers daughters, who is in the 3's class, said a poem in English called "My Hands". She has so much sass and cuteness in her little pinkie that she had everyone rolling and she skipped out and cleared her throat before beginning ;) They then sang Into My Heart (once everyone stopped laughing) in English and French followed by their dance to I've Got the Joy. I chose this song because the 3's class have so much energy and joy you can't help but smile at their mischievous ways ;)

Come into my heart Lord Jesus

Last, but not least, came the little 2's in a line singing their ABC's. We had 32 little two-year olds this past year! They also sang This is the Day in English and kreyol. Their Bible verse was Ephesians 6:1 "Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right" which they recited in English, French and Kreyol!

2's class

Next they chose 5 of the kids to say the rules of school which was honestly one of the cutest things I've ever seen! The pronunciation on several of the words have a lot of lip and the teachers wanted to be sure that the children said them correctly so we were all in stitches as they stuck their little lips out or drew out a word.

Pro-nun-ci-ate

One of our 2's picked up on things VERY quickly and would assist the teachers when they asked questions etc in class and so for graduation she got in front of the class and asked them the days of the week in English and Kreyol and then had them say the order of the days in English and Kreyol. I hope she becomes a teacher someday :)

The little teacher

Their last song before dancing was This Little Light of Mine which the ladies recently translated into Kreyol so they were able to sing it in English and Kreyol :) They then performed a fun little dance my dance teacher taught me a long time ago called Cat and Mouse which they all love!

I'm gonna let it shine

As I watched each class perform and show everything they'd learned this past year God brought James 1:2-4 to my mind, along with a couple tears... "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Life in Haiti isn't easy, working at a preschool in Haiti isn't easy, learning a second language isn't easy, working with the culture isn't easy, teaching dance in a carport isn't easy.... to wrap it up; its not easy. There are trials in the every day I never would have thought would be a trial; but they are! And sometimes the testing becomes too much and I'm just done, I feel I've failed, I'm grumpy and frustrated with myself and I want to be done but God always gives me something to hold onto and as I watched and was reminded of just how far every single one of the kids had come I counted it all joy. James MacDonald in his series on trials says:

“count it all joy” part is a stretch for many of us, because we immediately think God is telling us to be giddy in our difficulties or happy when the hammer of hardship falls on our lives. Joy is much deeper than any superficial emotional response. Joy is the settled awareness that God still has everything under control. Joy can be just as real whether we have tears rolling down our cheeks or a smile on our face.

When the Scripture says God is working everything out for the ultimate good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28), that doesn't mean we're going to have everything we want. But James 1:4 tells us our joyful steadfastness (our endurance) leads to us being “perfect,” “complete,” and “lacking in nothing.”

The tears were worth it, the patience with naughty kids was worth it, the repetition was worth it,  the pushing and coaxing was worth it because not only had I persevered and grown in my faith; but the kids had persevered as well! That is a lesson that dance teaches so well and one of the reasons I think dance is important for children and development.

To sum it all up I couldn't be prouder of the preschoolers and I count it joy to walk here in Haiti, with God through trials big and little because I've learned so much more and grown so much more walking and fighting through things here in Haiti then I would had I just given in and gone home when things started to get tough. Thank you to everyone who's continued to support and encourage me as I've walked this past year and a half. Please continue praying for guidance and wisdom as English camp starts Monday and the future is foggy but I know God will give me light for each day :)

You Never Let Me Down

(This was written in May but somewhere in the craziness was never posted so, here it is)

Last year, around this time I wrote an post on the Chikungunya virus and what God was teaching me through it. Well May seems to be the month of sickness for me in Haiti; Wednesday, the 13th of May, I came down with a case of mumps that had spread like wildfire through the preschool. It was kind of funny as I learned that the literal kreyol translation for mumps is: sick sheep and was told by my fellow teachers and Haitian brothers that when they call out "malmouton" (sick sheep) I have to "baa" and I will be healed. It didn't work but the staff did visit me in my room for a good laugh at my swollen cheeks and to pray over me. Such wonderful, God loving people.

After spending almost a week in bed, I was able to be up that Monday though it was a holiday so no school. Tuesday I got to play, gently, with my preschoolers. However, Wednesday I woke with with a horrible migraine, nausea, hot sweats, fever, chills, a weird chest pain and vomiting. The first day I slept the majority of it, holding a pillow over my head and a thick blanket to somehow block out: preschool, airplanes landing and taking off, motorcycles, drums, horns, cars, bells, dogs.... everything; it hurt to open my eyes, even the dark was too bright and the noise, the tiniest thing was SO loud. 

I've been having issues with nightmares while living in Haiti and the second day I had this urgency to be with Jesus and to really just focus on Him and it honestly turned into one of the sweetest times with Jesus I've ever had, just listening to His voice which cut through the loud noise like a soothing lullaby. The night before, a dear friend, who I hadn't spoken to in awhile, skyped me & had reminded me that God is holding me and telling me that He loves me over and over and over again and I need to stop and listen. It was truly a gift from God because as I lay there, "hiding" from the world, recalling these words; I heard God whispering it to me and I began to go through all the Bible verses my mom had my siblings and me memorize in school (thank you mamacita) and this peace and even joy touched my heart as I lay there the 7 dwarfs mining away at me skull and God blessed me with beautiful dreams and deep sleep.

The third day I was doing better but, if I moved I was lunging for the bathroom to throw up, not my favorite thing in the world. It didn't hurt to open my eyes anymore and I could look at a screen for 10 minutes before I started seeing spots :p I updated y'all and then began listening to music on my ipod; God always speaks to me through music and (as my wonderful madame Sue force fed me rehydration fluid every 10 min) I put my ipod on shuffle listening to my favorite christian artist worship God and I was touched so deeply as I listened to the words and felt the power behind the music. My heart and soul began to worship and His presence surrounded me as I lay there.

There is a lady who toured with one of my all time favorite artists and authors: Andrew Peterson (seriously go look him up if you don't know his work and buy it ALL) her name was Jill Philips. And I remember being so touched by her as a 13-14 year old that I spent the money I'd earned that week buying both her CD's and I listened to her for months! I haven't listened to her for a few years but one of my favorite songs came on that day and it spoke such truth, I cried. Here is my favorite part of the song: 

You might let me cry
You might let me sing
You might let me feel a fraction of your suffering
But you won't let me down
You never let me down

If I could just stop striving
And surrender to your holy power
I know your loving arms will lift me up
And never let me down
You never let me down

I struggle with letting people down; even thinking that I might throws a wrench in my stomach and I'll do just about anything to not let people down. And that's wrong. God didn't make me to please people. He gave me a heart to feel deeply and to love courageously, eyes to see needs, feet to go where He is and hands to hold those who are falling apart all in His name and for His glory alone. He's never let me down and He's never once called me a bad name or pushed me away from Him because I didn't do a "perfect job" or I didn't "work hard enough" or I spent all day in bed.... no... in every moment of our day there is time to draw closer to God, to stop and just be in His presence, seeking His will and just listening. Especially when you're laying in bed doing... nothing. God doesn't waste time. He could have sent Jesus as a grown man down to earth, Jesus could have only spent and week on this earth but He didn't. And for so many reasons I'm positive I don't know all of them. But He's always seeking us and by our side, It's not all for not; no matter how painful it gets or how many tears you cry if your heart is chasing after Him your life, though it may not go exactly how you'd like, will be an incredible adventure and as you look back you'll see His hand and though it seemed like you were in the pit of despair he really never let you down.

I did, after one failed trip to the doctor, another successful trip to the doctor, tests, rehydration fluid, prayers, medication and a ton of sleep get better. My tests all came back negative, we think it was the new Zika virus or one of the many unnamed virus here in Haiti ;) I'm continuing to plug away here in Haiti, I appreciate all the prayers and donations you guys send. There will be more updates coming soon!