Kisses

I've known him for a year a half. He didn't attend preschool this past year and knowing a lot of his story, this scared me as my mind would race from one scenario to the next. I saw him earlier this year, but he wouldn't talk or look at me. His yellow rain boots had seen better days and the infection on his head was back in full force. "I don't know" his old teacher replied when I asked what was wrong "I don't think he's doing well in school and he's ashamed of that" I held him close for awhile, trying to find the right words. Encouraging words. I held him arms length away "Cheri?" his hands stayed over his face, I gently tried to bring them down but he refused and started to back away "ok ok cheri" I pulled him back into a hug and kissed his head "I love you..... and we all miss you" he nodded, his face still hidden. "Ok I will see you again, yes?" he nodded again as he headed out the black gate through the murky puddles back to wherever he'd come from. My heart was heavy and I sent a message to some friends that knew him, asking for prayer.

I didn't see him for a couple months and then suddenly, as I was saying goodbye to the preschoolers and gathering registration forms, his head popped around the corner along with another boy! I ran over kissing his dirty cheeks and smiling like crazy "You're here! I've missed you! Let me look at you!" the infection on his head had cleared up and he looked happier, still cautious but happier. One of the mothers was waiting for me to make a copy of her child's birth certificate and I had to get change for another; ay, if only time would stand still for a little bit, right? He told me he was doing ok in school and he was here to pick up his cousin, and that his friend wanted water. I laughed, kissed him again (though he tried to dodge it) grabbed a couple cups of water and raced up the stairs.
Returning with change and the birth certificate he was just exiting the gate, I called after him and he begrudgingly stepped back inside "you can't leave without saying goodbye!" he rolled his eyes and tried to hurry out the gate but I caught him, kissed him on the cheek, told him I loved him. He shrugged and laughed grabbing his cousin's hand and headed back down the road again.

School ended and English Camp registration was almost full and I hadn't seen him or his half brother, who also used to attend preschool. "God's watching out for them" I kept telling myself praying and hoping they would both make it in time. The last day we did registration, I was bringing a form to the registration table and there he sat, waiting to be registered! He moved up a class this year but I would still be his teacher :D He was unresponsive to me and kept staring at his dusty sandals. I didn't push it "I will see you at camp, ok? I'm so glad you're here" gave him a pat on the back and headed back inside.

For the first few weeks of English Camp he wouldn't talk to me again, I always caught him as the kids filed into my classroom and kissed his forehead but he usually shrugged it off. I decided that that was enough every morning and to not push him further than that. I really wanted to just take him aside and find out what really was going on but knowing him, that wouldn't work. The third week of camp I was talking to another child and as he walked by with his class he gave me a huge kiss on the cheek! From that point on he was back to being his cheerful, mischievous self that I'd known him as. He began participating in the games and exercises, helping his classmates understand the rules, wanting piggyback rides, smiling, laughing and wanting to hold my hand.

His turnaround was one of the highlights of my summer and I know that I played a just a small role in his story. English Camp is an incredible program. While yes, the children are given the opportunity to learn and practice speaking English, learn about science and their world from a godly perspective, hear Bible stories, memorize Bible verses, have their questions answered; the main goal is to shine the love of God to these kids. To give them godly examples and leaders, to teach them how to be good leaders, to encourage them in any way we can, and for every child to leave knowing that they are loved and precious in God's eyes. That Jesus died on the cross and defeated death by rising from the grave three day later so that He could call us each of them His sons and daughters. Its an exciting thing to be a part of to watch God fulfill every year!

If you would like to donate towards this ministry please go to: mcmhaiti.org and donate

"Cheri mwen a"

Oh Be Careful

"She is mean!"

Was the phrase that came out when I explained why I'd asked for prayer for a certain two year old. I hadn't been back very long, but this little girl had caught my attention. I'd watched as she'd bit, kicked, hit, stole another child's food repeatedly throughout the week and when corrected she would look at me or another teacher, soaking it all in and respond to everything with a confident "Wi" (yes) responding to "You know that's wrong" or "Don't do that again, ok?" but she would turn around and do it a few minutes later!

God, how do I reach this child?

Its funny how God speaks and uses so many different things to touch us. I had started to stick with this little girl, when I wasn't teaching dance; keeping her close, playing with her and just loving on her and it seemed to be making a difference. Then, one day she was sitting on my lap and a little boy came and did something, honestly I don't remember what it was, but I gave his hand a pat and told him "no, don't do that." The little girl then took a swat at his hand repeating what I had said... it was as if her slap had hit me in the face instead. She was watching me and had swung the other way, she was now a little "professor" discipling kids! I asked her teachers and they told me that yes when they reprimand a child she comes running over to do it too. 

God, is this my fault?

I blame myself and beat myself up, mentally, a lot for different things. Which is not healthy and something God is working through with me. A lot of things had been piling on my heart and mind as my eyes were being opened more and more to what these children went home to every day. But, this thought knocked the wind out of me and I wasn't sure where to go. Today though God showed me something that humbled me.

There are a handful of kids I watch when they eat breakfast and lunch. They do not get a lot to eat at home, one needs water instead of milk, one wants to take food home, another is... too weak to eat is the only way I can think to describe it and another isn't up to trying new foods. So, I usually feed these children by hand sit with them on my lap and sometimes they eat and sometimes I try again at lunch. As I came in to check on one of them the little girl was trying to feed the child I was checking on! This child was her own age and honestly wasn't going to be fed by her, but she'd been watching me and was copying me.

I cried.

Children are the next generation, children copy what they see others do, whether it is good or bad. What we are doing matters; God reminds me of this so much! And it's important to be a godly example to these children and to love them with a Christ like love because you're not just helping to change a life but a nation too. We aren't perfect, we'll mess up but hopefully we'll all learn and love through it all.

This is a song that we sing at preschool and you all may have sung it at one point in your lives or another; but this song really stuck to my heart while I was holding my little girl or shadow as she's now being called. 

"Oh be careful little eyes what you see (what you see!) *insert children shouting this last part

Oh be careful little eyes what you see (what you see!)

For the Father up above

He is looking down in love

So, be careful little eyes what you see (what you see!)

I pray that people, not just the children at the preschool, would see Jesus through me.

"Be careful little ears what you hear"

I pray that I listen to God's words and let them fill me.

"Be careful little mouth what you say"

I pray my words are encouraging and loving at all times.

"Be careful little hands what you do"

I pray I am gentle, kind and a servant.

"Be careful little feet where you go"

I pray I follow God wherever He takes me, in a day, week, month and the years ahead.

Shall We Dance?

Started dance this past week! Took the first week off to: adjust back into my Haiti home, learn the new schedule of the preschool, as well as all 38 names of the children that are new to Maranatha's preschool program. Which was a blessing as adjusting back was not as easy as I thought it would be.

Last school year was my first year teaching in Haiti and we learned a lot about the do's and don'ts of teaching dance in Haiti. This year I have new space! My director had the brilliant idea to move dance class inside the carport, no more standing water, the temptation of the swing set or danger of falling coconuts, etc. I now have three walls in my classroom and it's helped immensely as far as keeping the class together and organized! It's only been the first week and I can already tell the difference from last year.

Also, my director changed the schedule of the classes and stations so that we split all of the classes into three groups, on Mondays the A groups have dance class, Wednesday the B groups and on Fridays the C groups. In each group there are 10-11 kids which is very different from simply splitting the classes in half and changing stations at the halfway point. Though this does mean that I no longer have a helper or a translator, yikes! I did pray that I would be learning more creole though before I returned. Don't you love God's sense of humor?!

Monday, the first day of dance class, was hectic. Kids were running around, not listening or obeying, some refusing to do anything and then 2's schedule got all mixed up and I had two classes instead of one; needless to say it was discouraging. But first days are supposed to be tough, they make the progress of the year more exciting and worth it... right? Yes, however this was not my attitude when I woke up Wednesday. I felt like Satan just hung a dark cloud over me as I sat on the floor of my bedroom having not slept well the night before, thoughts of whether what I was doing was worth it or even right hounding me and the C-virus not being kind. As I sat there thought the school next door began to play "You are Holy" and other songs like it and I knew I needed to stand up and go to class. I didn't feel like I had the strength and I wanted to crawl back in bed but I did my devotions and ate my breakfast and headed to class.

My first class was 10 of the oldest children in our preschool. They all attended Maranatha last year; and performed a dance on graduation day. They did fantastic! All of them listened, were excited to show me what they remembered, some of them had practiced during the summer and one of the boys, who had had difficulty with jumps in first position, jumped perfectly the very first time!!!!!! For those of you that know me or have taught alongside me you can imagine my happy dance and the cheering that happened. The 2's listened, participated and there was a lot of laughing and giggling as they tried to get their feet into 1st position. Did they all obey? No, but they're 2 and for the most part they all participated.

My final class for the day came. This group were a lot of work last year and I was a little worried but they ended up being the best class of the day! They were excited to dance, to repeat what I was saying, proud that they remembered first position and were just eager to learn. What a turn around!!!

I love teaching dance as well as dancing and am so honored to have the opportunity to use my God given passion and gifts here in Haiti. I don't know what God has planned but I am content and look forward to the future.

Thankful Week 3

Wow, was that just one week?! Time either flies or drags along it seems. And this was a long week  where bits and pieces flew. I'm not complaining and saying this week was horrible, there was just a lot packed into it, lots of stress but also it was a week in His kingdom, doing something I love. There will be another blog post shortly following this but; thankful. What am I thankful for this week?

I am thankful that God answers our prayers.

Yes, sometimes it seems like He doesn't. But I learned from a very young age, when my mom had my siblings and I memorize: A Poem by: Amy Carmichael, that He answers every prayer we say.

Just a tiny little child

Three years old,

And a mother with a heart

All of gold.

Often did that mother say,

Jesus hears us when we pray,

For He's never far away

And He always answers.

Now, that tiny little child

Had brown eyes,

And she wanted blue instead

Like blue skies.

For her mothers eyes were blue

Like forget-me-nots. She knew

All her mother said was true,

Jesus always answers.

So she prayed for two blue eyes,

Said "Good night,"

Went to sleep in deep content

And delight.

Woke up early, climbed a chair

By a mirror. Where, O where

Could the blue eyes be? Not there;

Jesus hadn't answered.

Hadn't answered her at all;

Never more 

Could she pray; her eyes were brown

As before.

Did a little soft wind blow?

Came a whisper soft and low,

"Jesus answered. He said, No;

Isn't No and answer?"

I was homeschooled and when my mom wanted us to remember something or truly understand something she did a pretty amazing job of helping us remember or figure it out. Something I really just started seeing and am grateful for. But when we memorized this mom explained why God said "No" and how if she had gotten her way she would not have been able to rescue all of the children from the temples that she did! 

This past Monday didn't go as well as I had hoped and Wednesday morning had me feeling like it wasn't worth getting out of bed. I prayed, did my devotions and sat listening to the school next door play "You Are Holy". I don't know if I verbally prayed and said "God give me strength for today" or if it was more of a thought as time ticked away. But He gave it to me as the first 10 children made a circle in the carport. I prayed, wanting to know if this was going to work and if I was the one and He showed me that it can and I am. I prayed that the children listen and obey and enjoy class and they did! 

Even though Friday was not as good as Wednesday I feel like God handed my a gift wrapped up in Wednesday and said "Not everything is perfect, not everything is easy, children are going to be children no matter where they are, but hey, I'm with you and it's going to be ok and there will come a day you'll see that will blow you away. Trust me."

God answered my prayers in a way that left me so happy and full that I fell asleep by 8:30! And I feel like God is happy to show us a peek of the future when our hearts are just... yearning to follow Him and to do what He has called us. It's easy to jump for joy and praise God in the happy and joyful times but what I've been working on its praising God though I'm stressed, though things aren't working out and trying to not make it be... fake. I feel like sometimes we or I at least tend to pray in the bad times with a body bowed but eyes searching.  Knowing this is a trial, taking it on, trying to draw close to Him, to learn the lesson...but my eyes search for the good times or the "Yay! You made it! Burdens over, here are some blessings" type thing. I don't mean to but God's kind of showed me that I have in the past. And yes, we do have that eternal hope that the trials will end. But, I feel like when we're keeping an eye on the blessings and not fully immersed in what is going on now, focusing on just who our father is and leaning into His arms and trusting Him, we're missing something. 

When the prodigal son came home and His father wrapped His arms around Him I'm sure his face was buried in His fathers robes, not peeking over his shoulder to see if there was a feast already prepared, no! For that wonderful moment (that probably seemed like an eternity and still wasn't long enough) it was just him and His father. His fathers love.

I pray that as life continues and trials bear down that I would fully immerse myself in God and place myself completely in Him. That however God answers my prayers I would be able to thank and praise Him whether I understand the answer or not.  

I'm still growing; I don't think I will ever stop and I'm nowhere near the person that I want to be as a daughter of God, but I'm not where I used to be and that's because of answered prayers, not just my own; but families and friends prayers as well and sometimes the answer was "yes", sometimes it was "no" and sometimes it was "not right now" but they were all answered and I'm thankful.

Thankful: Week 2

There is a lot that I could write about this week and while I am thankful for all of it and would write a very long post I want to touch on one thing that kind of stands out the most.

I am thankful to be a member of God's family.

I'm truly overwhelmed with this.

God is my father. I don't know that I've ever struggled with that, it's always been a clear fact to me like: the sky is blue. But being a part of His family, being adopted into it, Him accepting me just as I am. That is hard to grasp sometimes.

Knowing several families that have adopted and seeing the adoption process here it's really opened my eyes and helped me to see God in a different light.

Before I start: Personally I have not adopted, been adopted or know everything about adoption and I'm just speaking as someone on the outside looking in so if I'm wrong I do apologize.

What I've come to see and to realize is that God truly adopts us into His family, think about it: (this does apply to biological parents as well and I know that sometimes adoptions do not go this way as there are sometimes different motives but adoption from the way I see it)

Adoptive parents spend a lot of money during the adoption process and after as they raise their child(ren)- God payed the ultimate price, He went above and beyond to be able to call us His own
Adoptive parents reach out though they keep getting pushed away - God is always reaching for us no matter how far away we push Him
Adoptive parents seek to build a loving relationship - God seeks a loving relationship with us
Adoptive parents see their children broken and hurt and still seek to bring them home and to give them the best they can - God sees us broken and hurt and still seems to bring us into His family and to guide us as we walk
Adoptive parents know it won't be easy and there will be a lot of sacrifices but they do it anyways out of love - God knew the sacrifice He would need to make in order to bring all of His sons and daughters into a relationship with Him and He did it because He loves us
Adoption is forever not temporary - We dont have three strikes and we're out of God's family. It's forever.

 God wants ALL of us to be in His family! Not just the ones that the world has classified as: beautiful, skinny, strong, smart, successful etc for we are all precious in His sight. And His family.... wow, I am very blessed to be living and working with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. The way He transforms us as we draw closer and closer to Him and we begin to resemble Him as we listen and obey and follow where He leads us is so beautiful!!! You might have been told "oh, you have your father's eyes" or "oh, you have your mothers smile" well being a member of God's family I want people to look at me and say "She has her Heavenly father's heart and passion"

I make mistakes frequently. David was a man after God's own heart and he made mistakes too. But I'm still His daughter and though sometimes I let the lies and worries get the best of me He will always love me.

Very very thankful to be a part of God's family.

Kaleidoscope World

Have you ever sat for awhile and looked through a kaleidoscope? Watched all the colors and changing patterns? Maybe found one you really like but couldn't find it once you turned or shook the tube? That's kind of what my life feels like right now, so many colors and patterns and I'm trying to find my place in it all.

The biggest thing is the children. I worked with 80 children last semester. Built relationships with them, knew them all by name, their individual little characteristics and a lot of their hard stories. Saying goodbye to them at English Camp I thought I knew which ones I would not be seeing again; seeing as we'd done pre registration for this year beforehand. I hugged them close, reminded them that Jesus and I both love them very much and that I would be praying for them. Though it was hard to say goodbye in all the chaos of three graduations, almost back to back; I felt ok about saying goodbye and there had only been 5 I thought. But coming back that was not the case and some we thought for sure were going to come back didn't. 

That was hard. 

I had said goodbye to these kids, but it wasn't the kind of goodbye that was a possibly forever goodbye! The first few days I was hit really hard with thoughts and worries and was very discouraged. Yes, I was SO happy to be back in my Haiti home but I kept battling with my mind and these thoughts as I missed the kids that were not at preschool:
"Do they know how much Jesus loves them? 
Did I do my part? 
Did they not want to come back?
Could I have done something else? 
Am I actually helping here? 
Are they going to school?
Is this where I'm supposed to be?
Do they know they're loved? 
Do they know???"

Then God brought to mind a conversation I had with one of my Haitian brothers and a fellow worker at Maranatha earlier this year. It was Friday and school had been let out early as usual and there was one little girl who was waiting on her mom to come pick her up, she also had a slight fever. We waited and waited and there was no sign of her father or mother. She started to get worried and began to cry, I picked her up, brought her inside, gave her some water, half a banana and held her close, rocking gently and assuring her that everything was going to be ok. She fell asleep in my arms and I just sat there rocking and watching her sleep my mind wondering about her life, both present and future. 

He came in and asked about her, I explained the situation to him and as he sat down to lunch I began pouring out my heart to him "It's hard sending them home and not knowing what it's like or if they will be looked after properly..... I'm worried.... I want to take care of them.... I want them and their families to know God and to be safe and healthy.... I want so much for her" These words and more came pouring from my mouth and tears threatened to fall on her sleeping brow. He listened quietly, nodding his head as he ate and then when I stopped to catch my breath began saying "You know what you're doing; what we're all doing here is important.... we're planting seeds and we don't know what fruit will grow... we just teach and hope and pray.... but you're laying a foundation for them and if the foundation is strong they grow up to be Godly men and women and God knows the future Hope. We just have to trust and follow Him."

Such a wonderful reminder! God is constantly moving and changing hearts and though sometimes the colors and shapes can make our heads spin as we try to grasp what all is going on and what we're supposed to do, it truly is a beautiful, beautiful thing to watch and when you feel completely lost you have to open your eyes and take it all in and just smile and anticipate as the colors swirl by. And as you stand there He will come along, take your hand and twirl you into the middle of it at the perfect moment and direct you to the perfect place.

We are a preschool and "... all children grow up...." (peter pan) and it's hard to say goodbye not knowing where they will go or what they will do. I'm not a parent (don't plan on being one anytime soon) but as a big sister, babysitter, nanny, teacher and growing up some myself I see the world and it scares me. I see things that are allowed or people turn a blind eye too and it breaks my heart. We know that children starve to death, we know that children die from curable illnesses, we know that children do not have the money or the opportunity to go to school, we know that there are child slaves but yet we sit back send some money here or there and try not to look through the kaleidoscope at the grand design because we like it where it is and these things don't directly affect us. 

But it does.

"...Each man's death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind..." ~ John Donne

I cannot help every child and I, myself can't even truly help a child without God's help. But I can love, care for, show Jesus to and know the children that God has placed right here in front of me and the children that grow and head off to other schools or places God will have someone else there to love, care, share His gift of eternal life and know them and show them that they are precious in His sight.

Maybe it will be you.

Don't be afraid to step into this kaleidoscope world and be swept into His story, whether He takes you across the sea or down the street; it's not always easy or simple but it's always worth it.

There are now 93 children enrolled in preschool. All so beautiful. All His. And I am excited to get to know the ones that I do not know and to continue building the relationships that I have with the others that were here last year. Maranatha is doing wonderful things and continuing to grow and to follow God wherever He leads as they feed and nurture these children: spiritually, mentally and physically. They have a truly beautiful role here and I'm honored to work and to figure out and do my part in this kaleidoscope world.

Fearless Leader

AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY DAD GRADUATES TODAY!!!!!!

My dad has worked so very hard for this and I couldn't be more proud. I remember helping to pack lunch as well as dinner for dad shortly after we moved into the schoolhouse, my older sisters placing notes and cards in his car and lunchbox encouraging him because we all knew how he hated taking time away from being with family. Family has always been important to my dad and I have to say that dad, you've set a pretty amazing example for each of your children.

Through the years dad, you've shown us what perseverance is as you've worked tirelessly towards this goal, you've shown us grace as we've bothered you while you're studying to help us with any number of things and you've set aside the heavy textbook or set down the flashcards to answer our questions or fix whatever was broken. You showed self-control when the rest of us headed out to see a movie or off to an event and you stayed behind to study because you knew you had a tough test coming, though we all knew you'd get an A on it. You showed us love as you wrapped us in hugs or joked around when we'd had hard days or were just being pills. You showed us how much you care about us as through every class, test and long study nights we were always your main concern. I have a pair of dangly, silver, post earrings that you gave me one Christmas after you'd been really busy with work as well as with college classes and while I've collected numerous pairs of earring over the years the dangling star earrings are still my favorite.

You've always been there for each of us and you always seem to know what each of us need when things aren't going right. You've been a huge Godly example as well and your unwavering faith is something that's always inspired me.

I'm so glad that you are with us today, fire can't stop my dad!

Thank you for all of the sacrifices and long hours you've put into providing for our family, for all the fun adventurous that we've been on together or you've provided a way for us to go. Today you've shown us that all of that hard work and sacrifice pays off as you graduate with honors today. I wish I could have been there but I hope you know how unbelievably proud I am of you and I hope you heard my voice cheering as you received your diploma.

I love you daddy forever and always

Your Hoper

My dad dancing with me for my senior dance recital

  Italy with my parents and brother

 France~

 My family

My dad handing me my high school diploma

CONGRADULATIONS!!!!!