Kisses

I've known him for a year a half. He didn't attend preschool this past year and knowing a lot of his story, this scared me as my mind would race from one scenario to the next. I saw him earlier this year, but he wouldn't talk or look at me. His yellow rain boots had seen better days and the infection on his head was back in full force. "I don't know" his old teacher replied when I asked what was wrong "I don't think he's doing well in school and he's ashamed of that" I held him close for awhile, trying to find the right words. Encouraging words. I held him arms length away "Cheri?" his hands stayed over his face, I gently tried to bring them down but he refused and started to back away "ok ok cheri" I pulled him back into a hug and kissed his head "I love you..... and we all miss you" he nodded, his face still hidden. "Ok I will see you again, yes?" he nodded again as he headed out the black gate through the murky puddles back to wherever he'd come from. My heart was heavy and I sent a message to some friends that knew him, asking for prayer.

I didn't see him for a couple months and then suddenly, as I was saying goodbye to the preschoolers and gathering registration forms, his head popped around the corner along with another boy! I ran over kissing his dirty cheeks and smiling like crazy "You're here! I've missed you! Let me look at you!" the infection on his head had cleared up and he looked happier, still cautious but happier. One of the mothers was waiting for me to make a copy of her child's birth certificate and I had to get change for another; ay, if only time would stand still for a little bit, right? He told me he was doing ok in school and he was here to pick up his cousin, and that his friend wanted water. I laughed, kissed him again (though he tried to dodge it) grabbed a couple cups of water and raced up the stairs.
Returning with change and the birth certificate he was just exiting the gate, I called after him and he begrudgingly stepped back inside "you can't leave without saying goodbye!" he rolled his eyes and tried to hurry out the gate but I caught him, kissed him on the cheek, told him I loved him. He shrugged and laughed grabbing his cousin's hand and headed back down the road again.

School ended and English Camp registration was almost full and I hadn't seen him or his half brother, who also used to attend preschool. "God's watching out for them" I kept telling myself praying and hoping they would both make it in time. The last day we did registration, I was bringing a form to the registration table and there he sat, waiting to be registered! He moved up a class this year but I would still be his teacher :D He was unresponsive to me and kept staring at his dusty sandals. I didn't push it "I will see you at camp, ok? I'm so glad you're here" gave him a pat on the back and headed back inside.

For the first few weeks of English Camp he wouldn't talk to me again, I always caught him as the kids filed into my classroom and kissed his forehead but he usually shrugged it off. I decided that that was enough every morning and to not push him further than that. I really wanted to just take him aside and find out what really was going on but knowing him, that wouldn't work. The third week of camp I was talking to another child and as he walked by with his class he gave me a huge kiss on the cheek! From that point on he was back to being his cheerful, mischievous self that I'd known him as. He began participating in the games and exercises, helping his classmates understand the rules, wanting piggyback rides, smiling, laughing and wanting to hold my hand.

His turnaround was one of the highlights of my summer and I know that I played a just a small role in his story. English Camp is an incredible program. While yes, the children are given the opportunity to learn and practice speaking English, learn about science and their world from a godly perspective, hear Bible stories, memorize Bible verses, have their questions answered; the main goal is to shine the love of God to these kids. To give them godly examples and leaders, to teach them how to be good leaders, to encourage them in any way we can, and for every child to leave knowing that they are loved and precious in God's eyes. That Jesus died on the cross and defeated death by rising from the grave three day later so that He could call us each of them His sons and daughters. Its an exciting thing to be a part of to watch God fulfill every year!

If you would like to donate towards this ministry please go to: mcmhaiti.org and donate

"Cheri mwen a"

Kaleidoscope World

Have you ever sat for awhile and looked through a kaleidoscope? Watched all the colors and changing patterns? Maybe found one you really like but couldn't find it once you turned or shook the tube? That's kind of what my life feels like right now, so many colors and patterns and I'm trying to find my place in it all.

The biggest thing is the children. I worked with 80 children last semester. Built relationships with them, knew them all by name, their individual little characteristics and a lot of their hard stories. Saying goodbye to them at English Camp I thought I knew which ones I would not be seeing again; seeing as we'd done pre registration for this year beforehand. I hugged them close, reminded them that Jesus and I both love them very much and that I would be praying for them. Though it was hard to say goodbye in all the chaos of three graduations, almost back to back; I felt ok about saying goodbye and there had only been 5 I thought. But coming back that was not the case and some we thought for sure were going to come back didn't. 

That was hard. 

I had said goodbye to these kids, but it wasn't the kind of goodbye that was a possibly forever goodbye! The first few days I was hit really hard with thoughts and worries and was very discouraged. Yes, I was SO happy to be back in my Haiti home but I kept battling with my mind and these thoughts as I missed the kids that were not at preschool:
"Do they know how much Jesus loves them? 
Did I do my part? 
Did they not want to come back?
Could I have done something else? 
Am I actually helping here? 
Are they going to school?
Is this where I'm supposed to be?
Do they know they're loved? 
Do they know???"

Then God brought to mind a conversation I had with one of my Haitian brothers and a fellow worker at Maranatha earlier this year. It was Friday and school had been let out early as usual and there was one little girl who was waiting on her mom to come pick her up, she also had a slight fever. We waited and waited and there was no sign of her father or mother. She started to get worried and began to cry, I picked her up, brought her inside, gave her some water, half a banana and held her close, rocking gently and assuring her that everything was going to be ok. She fell asleep in my arms and I just sat there rocking and watching her sleep my mind wondering about her life, both present and future. 

He came in and asked about her, I explained the situation to him and as he sat down to lunch I began pouring out my heart to him "It's hard sending them home and not knowing what it's like or if they will be looked after properly..... I'm worried.... I want to take care of them.... I want them and their families to know God and to be safe and healthy.... I want so much for her" These words and more came pouring from my mouth and tears threatened to fall on her sleeping brow. He listened quietly, nodding his head as he ate and then when I stopped to catch my breath began saying "You know what you're doing; what we're all doing here is important.... we're planting seeds and we don't know what fruit will grow... we just teach and hope and pray.... but you're laying a foundation for them and if the foundation is strong they grow up to be Godly men and women and God knows the future Hope. We just have to trust and follow Him."

Such a wonderful reminder! God is constantly moving and changing hearts and though sometimes the colors and shapes can make our heads spin as we try to grasp what all is going on and what we're supposed to do, it truly is a beautiful, beautiful thing to watch and when you feel completely lost you have to open your eyes and take it all in and just smile and anticipate as the colors swirl by. And as you stand there He will come along, take your hand and twirl you into the middle of it at the perfect moment and direct you to the perfect place.

We are a preschool and "... all children grow up...." (peter pan) and it's hard to say goodbye not knowing where they will go or what they will do. I'm not a parent (don't plan on being one anytime soon) but as a big sister, babysitter, nanny, teacher and growing up some myself I see the world and it scares me. I see things that are allowed or people turn a blind eye too and it breaks my heart. We know that children starve to death, we know that children die from curable illnesses, we know that children do not have the money or the opportunity to go to school, we know that there are child slaves but yet we sit back send some money here or there and try not to look through the kaleidoscope at the grand design because we like it where it is and these things don't directly affect us. 

But it does.

"...Each man's death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind..." ~ John Donne

I cannot help every child and I, myself can't even truly help a child without God's help. But I can love, care for, show Jesus to and know the children that God has placed right here in front of me and the children that grow and head off to other schools or places God will have someone else there to love, care, share His gift of eternal life and know them and show them that they are precious in His sight.

Maybe it will be you.

Don't be afraid to step into this kaleidoscope world and be swept into His story, whether He takes you across the sea or down the street; it's not always easy or simple but it's always worth it.

There are now 93 children enrolled in preschool. All so beautiful. All His. And I am excited to get to know the ones that I do not know and to continue building the relationships that I have with the others that were here last year. Maranatha is doing wonderful things and continuing to grow and to follow God wherever He leads as they feed and nurture these children: spiritually, mentally and physically. They have a truly beautiful role here and I'm honored to work and to figure out and do my part in this kaleidoscope world.

Curveball #3

Curveball #1 Health issues sending me home early

Curveball #2 Staying home an extra month

Curveball #3? My largest monthly supporter needing to cut support by 82%

82%..... Wow, what a thing to wake up to.... but you know what? God loves a challenge and He loves stretching this ballerina further than she thinks she is flexible. And so I take a deep breath and begin to write you all this post with a heavy heart placed in His hand but knowing He will provide all I need.

If you are new to this blog and to my work in Haiti, let me give you a short and sweet summary: From January to September I lived and worked in Port-au-Prince, the capital of Haiti, a little island in the Caribbean. I worked with Maranatha Children's Ministries in their preschool program January through the beginning of June. I danced with Angelfeet Dance Studio in Kansas for 10 years, 3 of those years I taught dance classes. Hearing this, the directors of Maranatha asked me to come and start a dance program. How awesome is it that God took dance, something I loved and did, is using it on the mission field?! 

I began teaching 80 preschoolers dance in the front yard of the preschool. Their progress was amazing and my heart continued to just fill with love, hope and dreams for every single one of my students. Please follow this link to read about a precious little girl and her "dance story".  

Sadly, as we work to further God's kingdom here on earth, the devil works against us and so I was hit with the Chikungunya virus (follow link for more info) in May. Talking with one of my pastors, it was brought to my attention that it really wasn't a coincidence that the virus affects joints and therefore my dancing abilities and that the virus lasted far longer than it should have. Granted I was not resting and was trucking through it which did not help. But, spiritual warfare is real.

 Haiti is spiritually dark with the presence and ancient practice of voodoo everywhere. That is not to say that God is not moving and light is not penetrating that darkness. The Christian Haitians that I know are so incredibly passionate and just radiate this beautiful light in everything they do! But after working this past summer at Maranatha's English Camp, I needed to come home for healing as well as to raise support.

Not as short and sweet as I promised, but here is the continuing story:

Some of my supporters are no longer able to support me due to job loss, medical bills etc. and I'm so very grateful to them for supporting me as much and as long as they did. But this meant that my need for monthly support was much greater and then this morning I found out about the 82% cut from my primary supporter.

I'm going to be painfully honest with you guys. I now have a total of only 7 monthly supporters and their combined effort is less than $300. They are giving sacrificially and support other missionaries. I love them all and its hard for me to accept money when I know that they give out of their little but I also know that God will richly bless them and will view their giving out of their need as more than those that give from their abundance. Doubt it? Read Mark 12:41-44 for me ;)

I'm asking each of you to consider giving a monthly donation. As small or as large as you feel led to give. One time gifts are appreciated but monthly support is where I really need it. One way of looking at it is taking a larger gift and splitting it into 12 monthly donations.

I know that most, if not all of you, are probably already supporting the Lord's work in some way and are inundated with opportunities to give more. We live in a world FULL of need & I don't like asking for money. But if you could give just $10, $20, $30 - whatever the monthly amount, it WILL make a difference. God IS faithful. We just have to take that step and open our hands. We can hold more when our hands are open then when our fists are clenched. Try it with sand, water... anything. Take a fistful of anything and see how much you really have when you open your hand. Then scoop it up with an open hand over and see the difference. 

To those of you that have:

Listened to my stories, for sometimes hours

Hugged me

Cried with me

Prayed for me

Encouraged me

Bought me coffee, tea or a scone 

Laughed with me

Allowed me to take your senior or family pictures

Reminded me to take my pills, drink water or rest

Taken me dancing or to a movie

Sent money for a new laptop

Run 12 miles to raise support for me (you know who you are Miss Awesome Trenna)

And just been wonderful friends and family members...

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's not enough to express my gratitude but it is very heartfelt and honest. I've been touched by all of you and how greatly God has blessed me. If you have given, are giving (whether to me or other people), please SHARE this.

I cannot continue my work in Haiti without your support. Please pray and consider a monthly donation, however large or small it makes a difference. I am scheduled to leave for Haiti in just 12 days IF I have enough support to return.

You can go to mcmhaiti.org and donate with: support for HOPE RUEBKE in the memo. If my name is not on it it goes to the organization not to me.

OR

Send a check or have monthly withdrawals sent to:

MCM c/o Nichols Accounting

5680 E. Franklin, St. 110

Nampa, ID 83687

Thank you again and hopefully the next blog posts will be much happier ;) I have a song for everything in my life and as I was writing this, this song came on and please listen here