Haiti Christmas Trip #1

Little islands started to appear out of the Caribbean sea and I could feel my heart start to quicken it's beat; almost there, my heart sighed; it'd been too long. In fact it was exactly 2 weeks shy of being a full year since I last stepped foot in Haiti.

The warm, thick, dusty air was welcoming and as I climbed into the back of the truck, atop a pile of bins and suitcases, it felt like I'd never left, it felt like I was home again. However, though I would like time to stand still when I leave Haiti or I wish I could live in two places at once, it doesn't work like that, things were different as Maranatha has grown and wonderful interns have come or returned to serve at Maranatha, there was a new class of two year olds that I knew only from pictures and there were 16 little faces that no longer attended preschool; 2 little girls in particular that I'd worked with and watched grow so much during my time in Haiti were sorely missed - though I know my Jesus is holding them in the palm of His hand.

I read a blog last year about why missionaries can never go home, this little piece of it is so true, it hits me every time I read it: "Home is no longer home.  And sadly, that other place on the mission field will never truly be home either.  Home is both places, and neither place, at the same time." this is all too true but I love having two homes and two large families! It was so wonderful to see the Tlucek family again and see how their ministry has grown and all the wonderful changes :)

The first full day in Haiti was a whirlwind of emotions and activities, I wish I would have thought to record the staff and children's reactions; lots of screaming, hugging, lots of laughs and a couple little girls that were upset I'd left them. Children grow so much in just a year it really isn't fair! I managed to not cry until a certain little girl was placed in my arms.... She was fondly nicknamed zetwal (star in kreyol) by another intern that first semester I was in Haiti and it fits her so perfectly I've called her it ever since. She is the littlest of my 3 Haitian sisters and had been on my heart and mind so much the past year that to actually hold her again and know that she was ok... I can't find the words to describe. I carried her inside and sat down with the oldest class for assembly and the tears really flowed as I looked around at all the familiar faces, my little zetwal and another girl just sat and wiped my tears away with their hands telling me it was ok and to not cry.

I spent the first class period with the oldest group that have a class with an amazing American teacher ALL in English! They proudly showed off their English for me and I almost cried again seeing how far they've come and how well they're doing with their studies; especially the ones that I knew had really struggled beforehand. 

The next class period I went around checking on my team that had plugged in with different groups or stations, I truly had a wonderful team and I'm thankful for each one of them and the unique gifts they each brought.

The last class I spent playing with playdough - when we had the letter P for the week my first year in Haiti I taught the kids how to make playdough crowns and this lil firecracker remembered!

I took a very long nap after that and then we went on a trip to the metal arts! One of my favorite places to go - yes despite the clanging and hammering I LOVE it! At the tin market/metal arts artisans create the most fascinating, beautiful and comical things out of tin ;)

As we finished with dinner and were sitting together under the gazebo, waiting for devotions to start and just enjoying everyones company and stories from the day, my eyes kept wandering up to the top of the gazebo where my father had put chicken wire up last year to keep pigeons away, and then to the grapevines that wove their way around the pool and back up to the gazebo that he'd trimmed so carefully before. In all the crazy and all the joy from the day there was grief again, there was the void a 6' 4" father could only fill and all I wanted in the world was for my father to be sitting at that table. Worship and devotions started and the tears refused to fall

June Health Update

I've mentioned this before but the song "It Is Well With My Soul" is one of my favorite hymns, not just because of the beautiful melody or the faith portrayed in the lyrics but also because the faith of the author (click here to read that post) when he wrote it. It's hard to stay positive when it seems things are falling apart, when family members are taken "too soon", when this world keeps heading down a destructive path, when you keep getting knocked down over and over again, when an ending is not in sight. I'm finding myself in that place this week as several things have gone wrong and I received the test results from a second zyto test.

But let's back up

January - I slept on the couch for several weeks, as laying down flat I felt like my lungs were going to explode, I waddled around but just sitting up was exhausting and slept a large percentage of the time. The second week we started to take out the stitches but the incision site started reopening! Waited another week before they came out but then placed butterfly bandages on them to make sure they stayed, silly little thing :p The end of January I got the results of my first zyto test - my endocrine system and liver were stressed, I had a flatworm, and there were several foods I should avoid as my body wasn't liking them. The list included wheat, turkey and cows milk among other things.

Highlights: Meeting my newest niece Tess, attending and helping photograph the birth of my newest nephew Alex, time with family, sleep ;)

February - I was walking more easily but, an evening out, even just to a movie and dinner, mean't I would be down for several days after. I started taking pills and doing my best to drink a pitcher or more of water a day, and usually succeeded! It was also recommended to do three weeks of colonics, there was a nice little place in Wichita and it did help but was not something I looked forward to going to twice a week. Also started experimenting with Kale since I was supposed to stay away from spinach. No to it in smoothies (tastes like bug spray) but added to eggs with some italian seasoning and cayenne pepper, delicious!

Highlights: my birthday, our foreign exchange student's birthday, evening out with my parents, doing a table on Haiti for mission fest at my church, playing with nieces and nephews who could now remember my name ;) Visit from a dear mentor also known as the peach lady ;) Started driving near the end of the month! Painful but worth it!

March - While still tired easily I was up more and got to help with my old dance studios photo shoot! So much fun to see some of my old team mates, little girls I used to teach who aren't so little anymore and to feel of some use again. My legs, arms and hands would tire very easily and carrying a cup of tea felt like a 5Ib ball in my hand. If I stood for too long my legs would start to ache and than shake so I tried to still sit as much as possible.
I was asked to start doing preschool with three little girls from Pakistan to help them learn english and try to give their pregnant momma a break for a couple hours as 3 little girls under the age of 4 is a bit of a handful ;) I didn't speak any Urdu and it's nowhere near French or Kreyol, surprise surprise, but we had fun building with legos, lincoln logs, learning shapes, coloring, singing and they picked up on things very fast!

Highlights: My brother bridged over into boyscouts, my family drove to Manhattan for a Rend Collective concert (one of my favorite bands) finished colonics, got a massage and my favorite chai tea from the best coffee shop in my town, spring, trip to Kansas City for spring break with the family, got to spend time with old friends.

April - Had good and bad days but it seemed more good days. Still resting a lot, reading, journaling, sleeping but more active! Body aches were still an almost daily thing and if I did too much I could definitely feel it the next day. Still not standing for too long but all around felt like I was making some baby steps forward. As you may or may not know I have a passion for photography, I do not consider myself a professional as I have quite a bit to learn but, I had started photographing again in February for a birth and did another birth in April, I was so thrilled to be able to start doing something that I love again that wasn't to stressful on my body and was a way to bless people around me. I decided to pursue it a little more and ask some local photographers if I could shadow them, I put out some messages and Megan Hein Photography replied back giving me the chance to shadow an upcoming engagement session as well as couple weddings in May! What a blessing!

Highlights: my Pakistani girls got a new baby brother, there was one day I wasn't freezing and wore shorts! I got to help plan and throw my sister a roaring 20's mystery dinner for her 15th birthday! I had the opportunity to put together some photo books for Maranatha which was fun to go through photos and gave me something meaningful to do.

May - I was beginning to feel more like myself, I was drinking plenty of water, taking pills, and wasn't as tired though still spending a lot of time reading and resting in my room. This month was full of graduations for my family as my sister graduated from high school, brother from Hutch Community College and my sister and father from Newman University (my dad with his masters woot woot!) I was tired after each event but not in a need to go lay down and sleep for forever kind of way and am able to stand a little longer, progress! I started shadowing Megan Hein who is an absolute joy to work with and her passion and ministry is as beautiful as her photography skills. I'm picking up a lot and it's so nice to be helpful after laying around like a bump on a log ;)

Highlights: watching parents and sister run a half marathon, celebrating 3 sisters birthdays, graduations, shadowing 2 weddings and doing senior pictures for my Krgy sister.

That brings us to June - Since I was feeling so much better I had some high hopes for this next test and I was really hoping to get the "ok" from my doctor to fly back to Haiti for the last week or two of English Camp! I would of course promise to be a good patient, take all my pills, drink plenty of water etc, no big deal right? Wrong. test results don't lie and though I'm "feeling" 60% better the report showed that my: liver, endocrine system, pancreas and neurotransmitters were stressed. I still had parasites, and added to the list was: clostridium and staph infections as well as B-complex, calcium, magnesium, manganese, vitamin-E and vitamin-C deficiencies.... on the plus side my doctor reassured me that I'm NOT going crazy as I've been having trouble concentrating and remembering things, my transmitters are stressed giving me something similar to what they call "pregnancy brain" no I'm NOT pregnant just dealing with a lot going on in side this body so.... good news! Also, I can have milk, spinach and turkey again ;)

I did cry though. I really tried not to, but when my doctors response about Haiti was "I won't tell you "no" if you're absolutely positive that God wants you to go. But, you need to understand that it will definitely increase your recovery time" I knew, that I wasn't going to camp and God was shutting the crack that I'd made in that closed door. My mom comforted me in the thought that it wasn't closed forever just this summer. I reached out to my Haiti crew (3 wonderful friends from Boston, Canada and Texas I'd made while living there) letting them know the news and each of them, knowing my pain and sharing in my passion came alongside me encouraging me that I was in the palm of God's hand and He wasn't done with me yet. Very thankful for these lovely ladies, they're my gems.

As the day went on, through all my tears and disappointment in myself God was there. Speaking to me, encouraging me and reminding me that I'm where I'm supposed to be and not being able to go to Haiti doesn't mean I'm any less loved by or useful to my loving Savior.

I don't know if it's just me, or if every missionary that returns home from overseas sick goes through this battle of not feeling like they did enough, finding it hard to "fit" back into their previous home life etc etc but I encourage you that if you know someone whose returned from the mission field to truly reach out to them, invite them over, listen to their stories even if you can't relate. The little things mean so very much. And please don't take this as me whining and asking for attention. I'm so blessed and am thankful for the people that have kept up, encouraged and visited with me. It's truly a blessing.

I'm also very thankful for this time with my family that I missed way more than I thought and who've grown in so many different ways. I don't know what this next month or the rest of this year holds. God's plan doesn't always "make sense" to us but than again it doesn't really have to when we know who God is and that He works all things out for good.

Count it All Joy

“I can’t believe this is the last day of preschool” this thought kept circling round and round my head from the moment I woke up on Friday to the moment I laid it down. Time in Haiti is funny thing. As far as time concerning a clock the people of Haiti don't really run their lives by it. Most people show up late or whenever they want; whether they had an appointment at a certain time for or a wedding was supposed to start at 2 and it's just now about to begin at 4:30; you have to laugh most of the time and sometimes it’s nice to not worry about the time. But; there are only two seasons (in my Kansas mind) here in Haiti: Summer and fall. Because, the majority of the time it’s hot and humid and leaves fall every day. Literally. Every morning someone sweeps or fishes flowers and leaves out of the pool or yard and into a wheelbarrow and by the next morning more will have fallen. Don't get me wrong I don't miss freezing from October to May AT ALL but it makes a year, over a year here, time wise, seem very strange.

This was my second preschool graduation in Haiti and both times I've been so humbled as God opens my eyes to see just how far these kids have come and their perseverance throughout the year. It's easy to get frustrated with a student and to focus on the wrong things; like where the child should be compared to other children, how many times you've corrected this or told them that. But Shelley, one of my director's, holds staff meetings at the end of the day and she always asks us "How did you see God work today? What prayers did you see answered? What child needs prayer" and as we talk about our day she never fails to encourage and remind us just how far a child's come and that the fact that while yes pouting and whining isn't ideal it is actually a step up from them lashing out at other children or us! 

4's and 5's singing

We split our three classes up and had each of them put together a little program for their parents. The oldest class went first; singing and clapping to This is the Day in English and Kreyol. They then recited Genesis 1:1 in English, French and Kreyol.

"Thank you God for my mouth to sing praises to you"

One of the girls had memorized a Haitian poem thanking God for eyes to see His creation, a mouth to sing praise etc. in choosing Bible verses for the children to memorize we wanted something that the children could hold on to and put into practice and Philippians 4:11-13 came to mind; it was a little over a month to graduation and they would need to memorize it in 3 languages and not only did they memorize it but a song in French and English that was made from that verse! After repeating the 5 rules of school they lifted up their angelic voices and began to sing 10,000 Reasons (verse 1 and the chorus in English)

The 5 rules of school

As I had been sick most of the month of May I chose 10 of the kids to work with the last 2 weeks of school, who remembered the first part of their routine, to dance for their parents. I must confess I was a little worried when we started but they persevered, listened, made corrections and danced beautifully to All in All for their parents. I chose All in All because I had heard it sung outside of preschool and several parents actually started quietly singing along as the kids danced making it even more beautiful :)

Proud Mama

Then came the 3's class singing Stop and Let Me Tell You led by two of their classmates. Their Bible verse was Psalm 34:1 "I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth"

"Stop and let me tell you what the Lord has done for me"

They then sang the colors of the rainbow and a couple shouted out the colors in English while waving a paper with that color, so cute! One of our 3's knew the song Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes in English and Kreyol. Her tiny little voice echoed through the car port as everyone sat quietly listening to her :)

One of our teachers daughters, who is in the 3's class, said a poem in English called "My Hands". She has so much sass and cuteness in her little pinkie that she had everyone rolling and she skipped out and cleared her throat before beginning ;) They then sang Into My Heart (once everyone stopped laughing) in English and French followed by their dance to I've Got the Joy. I chose this song because the 3's class have so much energy and joy you can't help but smile at their mischievous ways ;)

Come into my heart Lord Jesus

Last, but not least, came the little 2's in a line singing their ABC's. We had 32 little two-year olds this past year! They also sang This is the Day in English and kreyol. Their Bible verse was Ephesians 6:1 "Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right" which they recited in English, French and Kreyol!

2's class

Next they chose 5 of the kids to say the rules of school which was honestly one of the cutest things I've ever seen! The pronunciation on several of the words have a lot of lip and the teachers wanted to be sure that the children said them correctly so we were all in stitches as they stuck their little lips out or drew out a word.

Pro-nun-ci-ate

One of our 2's picked up on things VERY quickly and would assist the teachers when they asked questions etc in class and so for graduation she got in front of the class and asked them the days of the week in English and Kreyol and then had them say the order of the days in English and Kreyol. I hope she becomes a teacher someday :)

The little teacher

Their last song before dancing was This Little Light of Mine which the ladies recently translated into Kreyol so they were able to sing it in English and Kreyol :) They then performed a fun little dance my dance teacher taught me a long time ago called Cat and Mouse which they all love!

I'm gonna let it shine

As I watched each class perform and show everything they'd learned this past year God brought James 1:2-4 to my mind, along with a couple tears... "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Life in Haiti isn't easy, working at a preschool in Haiti isn't easy, learning a second language isn't easy, working with the culture isn't easy, teaching dance in a carport isn't easy.... to wrap it up; its not easy. There are trials in the every day I never would have thought would be a trial; but they are! And sometimes the testing becomes too much and I'm just done, I feel I've failed, I'm grumpy and frustrated with myself and I want to be done but God always gives me something to hold onto and as I watched and was reminded of just how far every single one of the kids had come I counted it all joy. James MacDonald in his series on trials says:

“count it all joy” part is a stretch for many of us, because we immediately think God is telling us to be giddy in our difficulties or happy when the hammer of hardship falls on our lives. Joy is much deeper than any superficial emotional response. Joy is the settled awareness that God still has everything under control. Joy can be just as real whether we have tears rolling down our cheeks or a smile on our face.

When the Scripture says God is working everything out for the ultimate good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28), that doesn't mean we're going to have everything we want. But James 1:4 tells us our joyful steadfastness (our endurance) leads to us being “perfect,” “complete,” and “lacking in nothing.”

The tears were worth it, the patience with naughty kids was worth it, the repetition was worth it,  the pushing and coaxing was worth it because not only had I persevered and grown in my faith; but the kids had persevered as well! That is a lesson that dance teaches so well and one of the reasons I think dance is important for children and development.

To sum it all up I couldn't be prouder of the preschoolers and I count it joy to walk here in Haiti, with God through trials big and little because I've learned so much more and grown so much more walking and fighting through things here in Haiti then I would had I just given in and gone home when things started to get tough. Thank you to everyone who's continued to support and encourage me as I've walked this past year and a half. Please continue praying for guidance and wisdom as English camp starts Monday and the future is foggy but I know God will give me light for each day :)

Seeds of Hope

Easter = spring, poofy dresses, ties, button up shirts, hats, bunnies, chicks, chocolate, eggs, family, church and... Jesus' birth.... no wait! Jesus dying on the cross?... Jesus coming from heaven?....

I recently watched a video where a group of youth students interviewed people in Seattle, WA asking strangers what Easter was about and who Jesus was. The responses shocked me! Yes, I know that bunnies and eggs are greatly advertised this time of year, but surely people know that it's the day we celebrate Jesus' victory over death. We assume a lot in our lives; sometimes it's little things; the dishes have been washed and put away or the children brushed their teeth. Sometimes it's bigger: She's in church, surely she's saved. His shirt says he loves Jesus so he must be a Christian.

I was talking to someone recently about relationships and really getting to know peoples stories and what makes them, them. He quoted a friend saying "a lot of people's relationships are a mile long but only an inch deep" we're so worried about fitting in that we forget that we are the most inspired by the people who stand out and make a difference. You don't have to go up to a person and say that they're a sinner and need Jesus RIGHT NOW! Relationships start with a seed being planted, "why is she helping me?", "why is is he always so nice?", then watered "Tell me more about Jesus" and cared for as it grows "Bible study tonight!", All you have to do is begin and plant the seeds of God's Hope.

My directors, Byron and Shelley Tlucek seek to do just this by sharing God's love and the good news of Jesus' death and resurrection in ways that our preschoolers will understand and that will plant deep seeds in their hearts. The preschoolers heard about Jesus' birth at Christmas and have been learning about Jesus' life, His miracles and the disciples over the past couple months.

The last two weeks before Easter vacation we began sharing Resurrection Eggs with the preschoolers; each Resurrection Egg has an item that symbolizes a small part of the Easter story; starting with Jesus entering Jerusalem and ending with the empty grave. The kids LOVED them! By the end most of them could tell you what was in each each egg and the oldest class could tell you what it symbolized!!! 

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The last two days of preschool the kids put together salvation bracelets to help them remember the Easter story and to share it with their families. Each child was given a bag with 5, different colored beads and a piece of leather

We went over the the different colors and what they mean as the preschoolers carefully put together their bracelets

One of our 2's ready to tie and finish her bracelet!

Black for our sin. Red for Jesus' blood that was shed. White symbolizing Jesus washing our sins away when we accept His gift of salvation. Green for growth as we learn and grow with Jesus. Gold symbolizing the streets of heaven, where we will go to be with Jesus when we die.

Such a fun and easy way for the kids to remember!

Each child also received an Easter coloring book, retelling the story of Jesus' death and resurrection in kreyol

A box of crayons

And a plastic egg with 30 jellybeans inside, the same amount that Jesus was bought for. The King of Kings bought for the mere price of a slave. 

We pray that these children share the message of hope and joy with their families and that seeds would be planted in all of their hearts and communities and that the seeds they plant will then sprout and grow

Because seeds grow and change, and as they grow and change the world around them changes and; if one preschooler shares with one parent and then they both share with two other people and then those four people each share with one person.... we can change the nation of Haiti and the world for the glory of God!

Will you share Jesus' story this Easter with someone you don't know? Will you plant seeds with your words and actions? Thanksgiving isn't a religious holiday per say, (though religious people take this time to look back and thank God for all He's done the past year) but, Thanksgiving is when most people, religious and nonreligious, seek to reach out and feed the homeless, why? Because we're going to eat a feast ourselves. So, what should we do on Easter? Shouldn't we spread hope since, if Jesus didn't rise from the dead we have no hope?! How can we? Invite ISI students to your Sunday lunch, sunrise service at the homeless shelter or at the park across the street? I don't know how God is leading you but I do encourage you to pray about it. See where God takes you; most likely its out of your comfort zone..... but it's all worth if for the glory of God!

Growth Through Love

I'm a sucker for puppy eyes, dimples, toothy grins, hugs and laughter.

Those days when my back is reminding me of my injury or the Chikungunya virus decides to rear its head I decide, in my short time alone in the morning, that "today I will only hold one child at a time." I'm trying to learn self care and making choices that are good for me and unselfish.... I can almost hear God laughing "Yes Hope, that would be good for you but we both know you" but I'm stubborn and try to show God that I can do it! So I step through the door and into the yard to greet kids. I'm greeted by at least 2 smiling faces, shouts of "Ope!" or "Hopie" I'll kiss them all and pick up the first one to me; I encourage the other kids to keep playing or find them a ball etc "See God, one child in my... oh" a child walks through the gate I haven't seen in what seems like forever and she comes walking straight for me, rubbing one of her eyes and trying to hide the tears. The child in my arms has nestled their head into my neck, content and happy; without a second thought I sweep up the little girl with tears in her eyes, walk over to the little "step" and start talking with her and getting both of them to smile and laugh. By the time we head to breakfast I've got two on my hips, one choking me on my back, two who've placed their hands on my arms and one that just ran into my front hugging me and doesn't want to let go. This is what happens 8 times out of 10 and I don't know that I've ever made it through the gate to breakfast with only one child on/clinging/touching me... but I love these kids and I know these kids, their body language, characteristics, parts of their story (not sure anyone truly knows the entire true story) and I want to love every single one of them with a Christ like love every possible moment that I can and I pray that His love will plant deep roots in their hearts and that they will know that it's Jesus' love that they feel, for them to grow in grace, love and joy is my prayer. Here are the first part of a some stories:

"I can't do it" he says looking up at me with those chocolate puppy eyes, the scissors and gnarled piece of paper clutched in his hand
"I can't do it" she says sitting on the swing, her legs just hanging there and continue to beg me to push her
"I can't do it" he tells me with his body language as he slouches against the wall while everyone else eagerly waits in first position, hands waving in order to be picked to leap over the river.

Hearing the words "I can't do it" touches something in my heart, whether these words are said truthfully or just because a child doesn't "want to do it" something awakens in me, a fiery passion if you will. There have been a number of things in my life that I haven't done or didn't do as well as I could have because I thought to myself "I can't do it." no one encouraged me or told me I could. Now i'm not blaming anyone; one told me I couldn't do it or probably knew how much I struggled and I either tried to an extent and couldn't or talked myself down. But somewhere along the way I found Matthew 19:26 "with man this is impossible. But, with God; ALL things are possible" and found that I was trying to do it all on my own strength and when I found that I couldn't I wasn't running to my heavenly Father but gave up. Words have also made a huge impact on my life (which I may go into at a later date) but God is our Father and our Teacher and throughout my life God has been teaching me how to teach others through my own experiences.

Here are the rest of the stories: (I do not use the children's names for privacy reasons)

"I can't do it" he says looking up at me with those chocolate puppy eyes, the scissors and gnarled piece of paper clutched in his hand. There was chaos around me, kids asking for the next piece, paper flying, kids needing extra pieces and here in the middle was this little boy watching as the classmates around him were almost done and thinking he was not as good as them and wouldn't be. I took the crumbled paper from his hand smoothed it out and said "Yes, you can. I will help you" time slowed down as I took his little hands, fit them through the holes of the scissors and guided his hand to cut the oval. It wasn't perfect. Chunks were out of it but he'd cut it out and we both cheered and laughed together "now, you try it on your own" the joy in his face quickly faded and he shook his head "no cheri, you can do it, I'll help you when you need me to" he nodded and began cutting. I guided his hand twice but otherwise he cut out the oval on his own and we cheered again and I almost cried when he said (in perfect english) "I did it!"
   It's worth it to stop and to help someone in need. To guide them, not take over or do it for them but to guide them and encourage them.

"I can't do it" she says sitting on the swing, her legs just hanging there and continue to beg me to push her. I helped teach her to swing last year, but I know it's hard for her to start "You can swing, you've done it before. Would you like a little push?" she shakes her head "no" I laugh and tickle her "Yes, silly you can" she laughs and shes her head "Ok, tell me how we swing. What do we do with our legs?" she looks up at me her face bright "Straight legs and then bent legs! Straight legs, bent legs!" I give her a little push "Yes! Now show me" together we say straight legs, bent legs as she does it and before she knows it shes swinging I catch her and the swing in my arms as she shrieks with laughter telling her "See you can do it silly!" and the smile on her face is the only reply I need.
   It's worth it to remind people, we all need reminders because we forget, we talk ourselves down saying that "that was a long time ago" etc. and sometimes hearing someone say "Hey you can do this, remember when..." might just change someones mind or give them that little push towards greatness and swinging is pretty great ;)

"I can't do it" he tells me with his body language as he slouches against the wall while everyone else eagerly waits in first position, hands waving in order to be picked to leap over the river. I call him once and he doesn't move so I call another child then slowly make my way over to him, calling other names, corrections and encouragement to children as they leap. "Hey honey, will you leap for me?" he just shakes his head and won't look me in the eye "Come on, I know you can do it" I demonstrate for him with my hands what I want him to do and then demonstrate it by leaping myself "Come on buddy!" I get the other kids to cheer his name and finally a smile breaks through and he runs and leaps into a pretty good grande jete! (basically leaping and doing splits in the air)
   It's worth it to take time out and show someone something that they've been shown a thousand times before, to cheer and help give them the encouragement to take that leap, whether it is a literal leap or a leap of faith encourage one another, believers and nonbelievers alike.

I have been so privileged to watch all of our preschoolers grow in little and big ways because of Jesus working in and through all of us here at Marantha's Garden of Development. I've learned so much about how crucial early child development is and seen God's hand transform some of our kids all for His glory. We're on break this week and I already miss each of them but praying that they're shining their little lights at home this easter season.

Thankful Week 3

Wow, was that just one week?! Time either flies or drags along it seems. And this was a long week  where bits and pieces flew. I'm not complaining and saying this week was horrible, there was just a lot packed into it, lots of stress but also it was a week in His kingdom, doing something I love. There will be another blog post shortly following this but; thankful. What am I thankful for this week?

I am thankful that God answers our prayers.

Yes, sometimes it seems like He doesn't. But I learned from a very young age, when my mom had my siblings and I memorize: A Poem by: Amy Carmichael, that He answers every prayer we say.

Just a tiny little child

Three years old,

And a mother with a heart

All of gold.

Often did that mother say,

Jesus hears us when we pray,

For He's never far away

And He always answers.

Now, that tiny little child

Had brown eyes,

And she wanted blue instead

Like blue skies.

For her mothers eyes were blue

Like forget-me-nots. She knew

All her mother said was true,

Jesus always answers.

So she prayed for two blue eyes,

Said "Good night,"

Went to sleep in deep content

And delight.

Woke up early, climbed a chair

By a mirror. Where, O where

Could the blue eyes be? Not there;

Jesus hadn't answered.

Hadn't answered her at all;

Never more 

Could she pray; her eyes were brown

As before.

Did a little soft wind blow?

Came a whisper soft and low,

"Jesus answered. He said, No;

Isn't No and answer?"

I was homeschooled and when my mom wanted us to remember something or truly understand something she did a pretty amazing job of helping us remember or figure it out. Something I really just started seeing and am grateful for. But when we memorized this mom explained why God said "No" and how if she had gotten her way she would not have been able to rescue all of the children from the temples that she did! 

This past Monday didn't go as well as I had hoped and Wednesday morning had me feeling like it wasn't worth getting out of bed. I prayed, did my devotions and sat listening to the school next door play "You Are Holy". I don't know if I verbally prayed and said "God give me strength for today" or if it was more of a thought as time ticked away. But He gave it to me as the first 10 children made a circle in the carport. I prayed, wanting to know if this was going to work and if I was the one and He showed me that it can and I am. I prayed that the children listen and obey and enjoy class and they did! 

Even though Friday was not as good as Wednesday I feel like God handed my a gift wrapped up in Wednesday and said "Not everything is perfect, not everything is easy, children are going to be children no matter where they are, but hey, I'm with you and it's going to be ok and there will come a day you'll see that will blow you away. Trust me."

God answered my prayers in a way that left me so happy and full that I fell asleep by 8:30! And I feel like God is happy to show us a peek of the future when our hearts are just... yearning to follow Him and to do what He has called us. It's easy to jump for joy and praise God in the happy and joyful times but what I've been working on its praising God though I'm stressed, though things aren't working out and trying to not make it be... fake. I feel like sometimes we or I at least tend to pray in the bad times with a body bowed but eyes searching.  Knowing this is a trial, taking it on, trying to draw close to Him, to learn the lesson...but my eyes search for the good times or the "Yay! You made it! Burdens over, here are some blessings" type thing. I don't mean to but God's kind of showed me that I have in the past. And yes, we do have that eternal hope that the trials will end. But, I feel like when we're keeping an eye on the blessings and not fully immersed in what is going on now, focusing on just who our father is and leaning into His arms and trusting Him, we're missing something. 

When the prodigal son came home and His father wrapped His arms around Him I'm sure his face was buried in His fathers robes, not peeking over his shoulder to see if there was a feast already prepared, no! For that wonderful moment (that probably seemed like an eternity and still wasn't long enough) it was just him and His father. His fathers love.

I pray that as life continues and trials bear down that I would fully immerse myself in God and place myself completely in Him. That however God answers my prayers I would be able to thank and praise Him whether I understand the answer or not.  

I'm still growing; I don't think I will ever stop and I'm nowhere near the person that I want to be as a daughter of God, but I'm not where I used to be and that's because of answered prayers, not just my own; but families and friends prayers as well and sometimes the answer was "yes", sometimes it was "no" and sometimes it was "not right now" but they were all answered and I'm thankful.

Curveball #3

Curveball #1 Health issues sending me home early

Curveball #2 Staying home an extra month

Curveball #3? My largest monthly supporter needing to cut support by 82%

82%..... Wow, what a thing to wake up to.... but you know what? God loves a challenge and He loves stretching this ballerina further than she thinks she is flexible. And so I take a deep breath and begin to write you all this post with a heavy heart placed in His hand but knowing He will provide all I need.

If you are new to this blog and to my work in Haiti, let me give you a short and sweet summary: From January to September I lived and worked in Port-au-Prince, the capital of Haiti, a little island in the Caribbean. I worked with Maranatha Children's Ministries in their preschool program January through the beginning of June. I danced with Angelfeet Dance Studio in Kansas for 10 years, 3 of those years I taught dance classes. Hearing this, the directors of Maranatha asked me to come and start a dance program. How awesome is it that God took dance, something I loved and did, is using it on the mission field?! 

I began teaching 80 preschoolers dance in the front yard of the preschool. Their progress was amazing and my heart continued to just fill with love, hope and dreams for every single one of my students. Please follow this link to read about a precious little girl and her "dance story".  

Sadly, as we work to further God's kingdom here on earth, the devil works against us and so I was hit with the Chikungunya virus (follow link for more info) in May. Talking with one of my pastors, it was brought to my attention that it really wasn't a coincidence that the virus affects joints and therefore my dancing abilities and that the virus lasted far longer than it should have. Granted I was not resting and was trucking through it which did not help. But, spiritual warfare is real.

 Haiti is spiritually dark with the presence and ancient practice of voodoo everywhere. That is not to say that God is not moving and light is not penetrating that darkness. The Christian Haitians that I know are so incredibly passionate and just radiate this beautiful light in everything they do! But after working this past summer at Maranatha's English Camp, I needed to come home for healing as well as to raise support.

Not as short and sweet as I promised, but here is the continuing story:

Some of my supporters are no longer able to support me due to job loss, medical bills etc. and I'm so very grateful to them for supporting me as much and as long as they did. But this meant that my need for monthly support was much greater and then this morning I found out about the 82% cut from my primary supporter.

I'm going to be painfully honest with you guys. I now have a total of only 7 monthly supporters and their combined effort is less than $300. They are giving sacrificially and support other missionaries. I love them all and its hard for me to accept money when I know that they give out of their little but I also know that God will richly bless them and will view their giving out of their need as more than those that give from their abundance. Doubt it? Read Mark 12:41-44 for me ;)

I'm asking each of you to consider giving a monthly donation. As small or as large as you feel led to give. One time gifts are appreciated but monthly support is where I really need it. One way of looking at it is taking a larger gift and splitting it into 12 monthly donations.

I know that most, if not all of you, are probably already supporting the Lord's work in some way and are inundated with opportunities to give more. We live in a world FULL of need & I don't like asking for money. But if you could give just $10, $20, $30 - whatever the monthly amount, it WILL make a difference. God IS faithful. We just have to take that step and open our hands. We can hold more when our hands are open then when our fists are clenched. Try it with sand, water... anything. Take a fistful of anything and see how much you really have when you open your hand. Then scoop it up with an open hand over and see the difference. 

To those of you that have:

Listened to my stories, for sometimes hours

Hugged me

Cried with me

Prayed for me

Encouraged me

Bought me coffee, tea or a scone 

Laughed with me

Allowed me to take your senior or family pictures

Reminded me to take my pills, drink water or rest

Taken me dancing or to a movie

Sent money for a new laptop

Run 12 miles to raise support for me (you know who you are Miss Awesome Trenna)

And just been wonderful friends and family members...

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's not enough to express my gratitude but it is very heartfelt and honest. I've been touched by all of you and how greatly God has blessed me. If you have given, are giving (whether to me or other people), please SHARE this.

I cannot continue my work in Haiti without your support. Please pray and consider a monthly donation, however large or small it makes a difference. I am scheduled to leave for Haiti in just 12 days IF I have enough support to return.

You can go to mcmhaiti.org and donate with: support for HOPE RUEBKE in the memo. If my name is not on it it goes to the organization not to me.

OR

Send a check or have monthly withdrawals sent to:

MCM c/o Nichols Accounting

5680 E. Franklin, St. 110

Nampa, ID 83687

Thank you again and hopefully the next blog posts will be much happier ;) I have a song for everything in my life and as I was writing this, this song came on and please listen here