Curveball #3

Curveball #1 Health issues sending me home early

Curveball #2 Staying home an extra month

Curveball #3? My largest monthly supporter needing to cut support by 82%

82%..... Wow, what a thing to wake up to.... but you know what? God loves a challenge and He loves stretching this ballerina further than she thinks she is flexible. And so I take a deep breath and begin to write you all this post with a heavy heart placed in His hand but knowing He will provide all I need.

If you are new to this blog and to my work in Haiti, let me give you a short and sweet summary: From January to September I lived and worked in Port-au-Prince, the capital of Haiti, a little island in the Caribbean. I worked with Maranatha Children's Ministries in their preschool program January through the beginning of June. I danced with Angelfeet Dance Studio in Kansas for 10 years, 3 of those years I taught dance classes. Hearing this, the directors of Maranatha asked me to come and start a dance program. How awesome is it that God took dance, something I loved and did, is using it on the mission field?! 

I began teaching 80 preschoolers dance in the front yard of the preschool. Their progress was amazing and my heart continued to just fill with love, hope and dreams for every single one of my students. Please follow this link to read about a precious little girl and her "dance story".  

Sadly, as we work to further God's kingdom here on earth, the devil works against us and so I was hit with the Chikungunya virus (follow link for more info) in May. Talking with one of my pastors, it was brought to my attention that it really wasn't a coincidence that the virus affects joints and therefore my dancing abilities and that the virus lasted far longer than it should have. Granted I was not resting and was trucking through it which did not help. But, spiritual warfare is real.

 Haiti is spiritually dark with the presence and ancient practice of voodoo everywhere. That is not to say that God is not moving and light is not penetrating that darkness. The Christian Haitians that I know are so incredibly passionate and just radiate this beautiful light in everything they do! But after working this past summer at Maranatha's English Camp, I needed to come home for healing as well as to raise support.

Not as short and sweet as I promised, but here is the continuing story:

Some of my supporters are no longer able to support me due to job loss, medical bills etc. and I'm so very grateful to them for supporting me as much and as long as they did. But this meant that my need for monthly support was much greater and then this morning I found out about the 82% cut from my primary supporter.

I'm going to be painfully honest with you guys. I now have a total of only 7 monthly supporters and their combined effort is less than $300. They are giving sacrificially and support other missionaries. I love them all and its hard for me to accept money when I know that they give out of their little but I also know that God will richly bless them and will view their giving out of their need as more than those that give from their abundance. Doubt it? Read Mark 12:41-44 for me ;)

I'm asking each of you to consider giving a monthly donation. As small or as large as you feel led to give. One time gifts are appreciated but monthly support is where I really need it. One way of looking at it is taking a larger gift and splitting it into 12 monthly donations.

I know that most, if not all of you, are probably already supporting the Lord's work in some way and are inundated with opportunities to give more. We live in a world FULL of need & I don't like asking for money. But if you could give just $10, $20, $30 - whatever the monthly amount, it WILL make a difference. God IS faithful. We just have to take that step and open our hands. We can hold more when our hands are open then when our fists are clenched. Try it with sand, water... anything. Take a fistful of anything and see how much you really have when you open your hand. Then scoop it up with an open hand over and see the difference. 

To those of you that have:

Listened to my stories, for sometimes hours

Hugged me

Cried with me

Prayed for me

Encouraged me

Bought me coffee, tea or a scone 

Laughed with me

Allowed me to take your senior or family pictures

Reminded me to take my pills, drink water or rest

Taken me dancing or to a movie

Sent money for a new laptop

Run 12 miles to raise support for me (you know who you are Miss Awesome Trenna)

And just been wonderful friends and family members...

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's not enough to express my gratitude but it is very heartfelt and honest. I've been touched by all of you and how greatly God has blessed me. If you have given, are giving (whether to me or other people), please SHARE this.

I cannot continue my work in Haiti without your support. Please pray and consider a monthly donation, however large or small it makes a difference. I am scheduled to leave for Haiti in just 12 days IF I have enough support to return.

You can go to mcmhaiti.org and donate with: support for HOPE RUEBKE in the memo. If my name is not on it it goes to the organization not to me.

OR

Send a check or have monthly withdrawals sent to:

MCM c/o Nichols Accounting

5680 E. Franklin, St. 110

Nampa, ID 83687

Thank you again and hopefully the next blog posts will be much happier ;) I have a song for everything in my life and as I was writing this, this song came on and please listen here 

Mind Like a Shutter Eyes Like a Lens

I'm a photographer; I've been playing with my parents' camera for as long as I can remember though I didn't always have permission and the pictures were not the highest quality. I've always loved capturing moments that I can go back to at any given moment and remember and laugh or cry. I remember fighting with my siblings for the camera whenever we went on trips or had a big event; I wanted so badly to remember things a certain way - for people to see my perspective and my story. But as I've grown, I've found that I like telling other people's stories through photography more than my own. I want to capture the moments that no one else sees, I want to capture moments where I know God is smiling down on His children and they are unaware of this fact because they can't see for themselves the beauty of their own hands, feet and mouth.

It's easy to forget that God uses the tiniest things for His glory and that everything we do, for Him, is a part of building His kingdom here on earth. God everywhere and in everything though sometimes we forget it doesn't change the fact that He is still there and sees the tiniest acts of love in His name.

I understand when people ask me to take a picture of them doing something or with someone but I'd much rather catch that moment where that volunteer is tying that pair of tennis shoes that just won't seem to stay tied. That moment at the end of the day when though a nap is all they desire, they chase a child around the yard just to hear the sound of their laughter. I want to capture that tickle fight or the excitement when a child walks through the gate and sees their beloved teacher or helper. When though it's painful for both involved, a wound is cleaned to prevent infection.

To capture the love in a healing touch, the warmth of a hug, the joy of a friend, wonder of something new, laughter in hard circumstances, peace in chaos, strength in weakness, self-control during a storm, a small act of kindness with a large result, finding the good amongst the bad, the faithful one that is content with working behind the scenes, a gentle reminder to a struggling child and happiness in the smallest things. That is what I want to capture.

One of my favorite quotes is: "Beautiful things don't ask for attention" - Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Why am I writing all of this? Well, while photography is one of my passions, it enables me to show Gods power to others, to show His love gleaming in the little moments here in Haiti with just a snap of a shutter. But in order to send these pictures to you, I have to have a laptop. I left for Haiti in January with a laptop that wasn't in mint condition but I expected to get many years out of it. Unfortunately, there was an accident at the beginning of the summer and my laptop was damaged but by the grace of God, I was able to use it for the rest of the summer and share pictures and updates with all of you from it. But sadly, my computer has finally died & so I am without a laptop and therefore without a means to share.

I have set up a GoFundMe site for a new laptop. It seems like such a silly thing to ask for but I feel led to write this and to watch and see what God has in store. To donate visit: http://www.gofundme.com/amacforher

Thank you all for taking the time to read this and for prayerfully consider donating. $1,000 seems like a huge amount, but that doesn't stop God and I always find it easier when things are broken down: If 50 people give $20 we've met our goal!!!

Thank you again and I hope to be sharing photos with you again very soon!

P.S if you're new to my blog or my photography you can check out my photos here: H.e.r Photography

Strength Will Rise

Every evening, after English Camp we gather around the pool (unless it's raining in which we move inside) for a time of worship and devotions, some nights this ends up being rather late and a lot of us find ourselves longing for a cool shower to wash the dirt and sweat of the day off. But this is also one of my favorite times of the day because whether it's the words in the music or someones devotions God always manages to touch my heart in one way or another.

One evening we gathered around the pool after a particularly long week, we'd had a couple scares and a few injuries and I found myself just hurting and wanting to be with the kids, caring and loving on them all the time. I knew that these kids being Haitian were much safer than I would be out on the streets etc but still I found myself longing to go with them as they all headed home in their little groups; wanting to make sure those with little injuries were carried for properly so they would not get an infection and just loving on them and being an example for them. I sat there trying to push it away from my mind as the boys brought out the guitars. God however had heard my silent cry, He had felt the longing in my heart and as the first chords were played God lifted up my head and I began to sing: 

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord

Patience is not my strongest point, but waiting on God I find to be a little easier; call me crazy but I find His timing is always perfect and if I just sit tight and rejoice in Him, He is always worth the wait!

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God

He is the everlasting God; He's not going anywhere and He will never let me go

You do not faint
You won't grow weary

You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on the wings
Like eagles

As I begun to sing this last part tears filled my eyes as God reminded me once again of who He is; I grow weary and tired on a daily basis but He never does. Though I cannot go home with every needy and hurting child in the world God can and moreover; He does! He cares for us so deeply and I've been so privileged to see Him through my fellow interns, volunteers, translators, Jr. counselors and my directors. All the little things we do: greeting children as they come through the gats, smiles, hugs, meals, an encouraging word, placing a bandage and so much more it all matters and it touches not only us but those around us in ways that we may never know.

Leaning into God and receiving: strength, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control from Him on a daily basis is one of His many blessings that He pours on us, sometimes I overlook His blessings in a day; but I know each day holds at least a 100 in that: it's a new day, I'm breathing, I'm walking, I'm talking, I can hear, I can see, He has forgiven all our sins, He is mine and I am His, He loves me and on and on the list goes!

English Camp is a lot of work; but it's life changing and I would encourage all of you to volunteer for a week or more next year and if coming here is not a possibility right now sending supplies and other people here to love and work with these kids. There are 2 kinds of Christians: the givers and the goers (we should all be prayers) which one are you?

Graduation Day at the Preschool

How did it come so quickly? There were things I wanted to say, things I wanted to do with the kids but time seemed to be running away from me no matter how hard I tried to grasp it there just wasn't enough time in the days leading up to graduation.

But graduation day came nonetheless, woke up early knowing there was a lot to get done before the kids arrived at 8 for breakfast and the ceremony started at 10:30. We all dressed up for the occasion and my family had sent me a new dress that was perfect for dancing with the kids. Claire, my closest friend here in Haiti braided my hair into a beautiful bun, slipped on some shoes (I normally run around barefoot but since it was a special occasion I wore sandals) and headed downstairs to see where a helping hand was needed.

Shelley had put together little gift bags for each of the children and so Claire, Mikayla and I punched holes in the tops and threaded string through to tie into bows. James, my fellow intern and best friend for the past 5 months, began putting up a tarp to shade the parents while they watched the preschools perform with the help of Haitian James and the boys: Jeff, Patrick and Emmanuel. Once the bags were done the children started arriving for breakfast! They were SO adorable! They were all dressed in their best clothes, which for some meant tuled, frilly dresses or a skirt and nice shirt. The boys all wore nice pants and shirts and one of the oldest boys even had a white buttoned up shirt! As I came to breakfast to greet them they began shouting "Hope! Hope! Ou bel!" (You're beautiful) they all ran the sheer fabric through their fingers smiling and admiring and I did the same telling them how beautiful each one looked, commenting on each little thing as I knew it meant a lot to them.

After breakfast and assembly Shelley and I placed duct tape to mark each of the children's spots and began leading the classes one at a time in and placing them in "their spot." One of the teachers little two year olds was "trying" to be helpful. I scooped him and bounced him on my hip as I helped direct and place children as well as greet the children that were arriving late. We ran through their program one time, there wasn't enough time to go through the dances but the kids knew their dances and I knew they'd perform better if they didn't run through it. Sounds weird I know but go with me on this. The little rehearsal went really well and the children went back inside for a snack, some water and storytime while their parents arrived.

I don't have a whole lot of interaction with the parents during Preschool. There are a couple parents that I know but only a handful so it was fun to see all the parents, also dressed in their best, arriving and looking just as excited as the kids.

At last it was time to begin!

The classes were lined up youngest to oldest with the oldest in the back. Estacey one of our wonderful teachers led them in singing This is the Day in both english and kreyol.  The 2's then recited their Bible verse: Ephesians 6:1 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." in Kreyol, French and English. They'd been struggling with it the past week but at graduation the majority said it and then they all yelled "Right!" at the end, it was adorable! To finish their little part in the program we did a little dance called Cat and Mouse that the children absolutely love! I'd chosen 4 of the little 2's to be Cats.

In this dance, that my dance teacher in KS choreographed a long time ago, the cat in the dance is asleep in the middle of the dance floor, the rest of the dancers are mice that want to play with the cat and they tiptoe and dance quietly around the cat until it’s time to wake the cat up. They tap the cat three times and then ask the cat to play with them. The first time the cat is grumpy and tells them no and they run away crying (kids favorite part) but the mice try again and the second time the cat says yes! They hold hands and walk around in a circle and then after they’ve “played all day” they’re all tired, so they stretch and then lay down like the cat and go to sleep.

All the 2’s participated and danced, the cat’s stayed asleep and talked loud and I couldn’t have been happier or prouder of them!

Once the 2’s that had parents at graduation were given a gift and sent to sit with their parents while the others sat in a group and waited patiently for their parents to arrive.

Next came the 3’s & 4’s! They recited John 11:40 in Kreyol, French and English. I’d led their group the previous day during PE and had them practice their verse, I knew part of it in Kreyol and French and so I started it for them and much to my amazement they knew all of it by themselves! This group has so much energy and usually are just crazy so it was very encouraging to see how much they’d grown through out the year as they stood in a straight line and recited their Bible verse perfectly and then sang their song, “Into My Heart” in both French and English with the hand motions that Estacey had taught them!

Their dance was high energy, lots of jumping in place, step claps, going fast and then slow and spinning and freezing in a position to end. They all had the biggest smiles on their faces as they ran out to their spots and you could see the pride shining off their faces as they did the dance they’ve memorized and worked hard to learn. I’m probably going to say this with every class, but, it’s the truth. SUPER PROUD OF THEM!

The oldest class was last; they recited John 3:16, hearing their voices I prayed and hoped that each one of them truly understood what this verse mean’s and that they would come to accept God’s gift very soon. Their song was “Rejoice”, throughout the previous week we would hear the girls start singing their song as they rode on trikes or colored pictures, their sweet little voices would be lifted up to Jesus, led by the oldest girl Hosperlinda and her sister and you couldn’t help but smile and sing along. Watching them singing this and how excited a handful of them were it was like God was showing me his disciples for Haiti, I have no doubt that God has huge plans for each and everyone of these kids and it’s my prayer that they all come to know Christ at an early age and impact Haiti for Christ.

Time to dance!

I’d split the boys and the girls up as there is a greater number of girls than boys. The boys went first dancing a partner dance to “Speak Life” by: TobyMac. Two of the boys had been having a “rough” week, I think they were just anxious for school to be over and therefore could not stand still for a second or obey for longer then a minute. As I placed them in their spots I took their faces in my hands and said “Do a good job for me, ok? You’re smart, funny, strong, good boys and you can do this well for your parents, right?” sheepish grins spread over their faces as they nodded and then it was time! All the boys did the dance perfectly with huge smiles on their faces! And when I had them jump over the river near the end of the dance all the parents were cheering for them, which just blessed me and the kids in ways only God knows.

My girls were last. They’d worked so hard and picked up things so fast that I choreographed their own dance to 10,000 Reasons by: Rend Collective, which everyone in Haiti knows and loves! I gave the girls hand motions but I think it was more for my benefit, to keep my hands busy and not cry rather then for the girls. They did such a beautiful job. I will write more about it later, my heart is so full and God’s working in some pretty awesome ways.

Everyone cheered and clapped for the kids and then Byron, with the help of James translating, talked to the parents about Maranatha’s mission and Bryon and Shelley’s hearts for the children of Haiti. After a prayer we handed out Kool-Aid, hotdogs and cookies. It was fun to see the parents interacting with their kids and just everyone smiling and enjoying the day. I tried not to think about the kids leaving and not coming to school on Monday. The red Kool-Aid dyed their lips so they all looked like they were wearing lipstick and we were all cracking up, which kept the tears at bay.

Several of the kids came running up to me, thanking me and wanting a picture with me and I with them. These kids are all so precious and dear to me, their stories break my heart but their smiles and strength give me energy and remind me of the hope we have in Jesus and that we walk by faith not by sight or circumstance. I’ve been so blessed to serve and love on each and every one of the 80 kids that attended Maranatha’s Preschool; God is doing awesome things here in Haiti and I’m so honored to play a small role in it.

Continued prayer for these children and for English Camp as it’s coming up next week!!! Hopefully I’ll be able to slip in some stories and updates in the crazy days ahead

See my photography page on facebook for photos of gradutaion: H.e.rphotography94

Not Superhumans

I moved from the "Land of Perfection" to a little Island that is one of the "Scariest in All the Lands". I left the highest paying job to one where I'm not paid, said goodbye to adoring family and friends that eagerly await my homecoming and left everything "normal and comfortable" to go be a superhero and live with almost nothing.

Wait, back pedal.... somethings not right; oh haha nope, didn't do that. I left the States where bad and good things happen, where people are people to move to Haiti; where bad and good things happen and where people are; well people. I left a money paying job to work at another job that pays me in a spiritual and mental way, I said goodbye to friends as we all scattered to fulfill dreams, hugged and kissed my family goodbye as they sent me off knowing I was safe in Gods hands and I picked up my camera, journal, Bible and God's Hand to go capture, remember, grow, learn and to be used as He led me to go live in Haiti as a big sister and dance teacher with more blessings that I could have imagined.

As much as I want to be I am not a superhuman.

Going on a mission trip or moving to a new place you usually arrive and you're just so fired up and ready to learn and help out and you have so many hopes and dreams and plans and you're going to make them ALL come true! But; when I was 17, I went on a mission trip to China, the woman leading our group was a mother of 4 children that had been adopted from China. Having made several trips to China and having a large group of 12, we had weekly meetings and she beat into our heads "Be flexible, BE flexible, BE FLEXIBLE!" I say this in the most imperative way. Coming from a Christian family where all of us were home schooled my parents had taught me manners and respect for authority. I knew Tami was our leader, that she'd been to China before, she had our best interests in mind and so there was nothing to worry about and no question of whether she was right or wrong and I left with the only worry being that I'd miss a chance to shine.

On that trip we were tested in our flexibility when our hotel, that had been booked in advance and that our contact in Beijing had made sure of either the same day or the previous one, no longer had our rooms. When we traveled to "every" hotel in Beijing until early into the morning and finally crashed at our contacts house; some in beds other on couches or the floor. I had flexibility when I was "lost" in the pearl market (that story is for another time) when I got a little boy instead of the little girl I was POSITIVE I was going to get, when I thought my translator didn't like me, when the pool was closed and a new activity had to be found, when there were unexpected free times, when saying goodbye to the children that had stolen our hearts, when a passport was stolen and two of our teammates did not return with us waiting on a new passport to arrive.

God however always showed us the "reason why" we went through these things: We had the most amazing breakfast to wake up to that our contacts wife made and we got to hear their perspective a little more than we would have, God showed me how to keep a level head and make smart decisions, God gave me a little brother and made my translator feel more at home and connect better with both of us, I learned just how many languages and dialects there are in China and how my translator didn't speak the same one our little brother did, but she could understand 3/4 of what he said. The kids got to go to a movie theater, tons of laughs and stories were shared, hearts were broken for the better and God wasn't finished with two members of our team in China.

China grew me in a lot of ways and I didn't realize how much until I went to Ireland with my dance team last summer. Also, my parents took special care in choosing each of my siblings names and I have to say my parents were spot on with each of us. If you didn't already know my name is Hope, on my birth announcement was the Bible verse Titus 2:13 which happens to be my birth date. I hope for Jesus' coming and for the best in people and in life though sometimes it's hard I still strive to find that glimmer. As my faith has grown I've found that I'm not worried about a majority of things because I know, I legitimately know that God has His hands around me and whatever happens He will give me the strength and the knowledge to make it through. This doesn't mean that I don't have that moment of panic or uncertainty (I am human remember) but I always return to rest in His peaceful arms and I thank Jesus for the strength to do that.

Heading to Haiti I didn't have a big elaborate plan, I wasn't even positive I was going until a month or so before I landed in Haiti. God made it clear that I was supposed to go however and so I jumped from the top of the mountain into the clouds below.

I feel like I took my first few weeks slowly as I learned the language but then I just started running, pouring, driving myself as the needs I saw came at me like a meteor shower. I didn't feel like I was doing enough or really anything, but God was using me and I didn't realize this until God brought me a friend, my fellow intern here at Maranatha who opened my eyes to the littlest things and showed me how God had been working. Reminded me that while its great to pour out you have to be poured into because we can't run on our own steam and we need to be going to God's word daily. I've never loved or done devotions as much as I do here.

God was trying to show and tell me, to take time and that I was doing a good job and actually during devotions I heard His voice tell me this and it brought me to tears. I still didn't slow up or take time for myself. Didn't see it as a need or a high priority. God brought me three more friends, 3 girls that volunteered here, two were close friends from Canada that were working with us for two weeks and then heading up into the mountains to work with an orphanage and the other came from Texas and ended up staying an extra two weeks! We all became very close and they poured into me opening my eyes once again; but still I wasn't taking the time God wanted me to. I got an infection on my finger and had to sit for a good 30 minutes soaking it till the hot water became cold to draw it out 4x's a day for several weeks. Though I always managed to find something to do while soaking it. God is stubborn and my old dance injury began to act up so I was sitting for a good hour with ice on my back. Couldn't do a whole lot during that time and I think God began to smile.

My second week of helping run the preschool while the Tluceks were stateside for graduations I was hit hard with a virus; I had a migraine, aches and cramps in my stomach, side, hands and feet along with being incredibly nauseous but I never threw up no matter how much I wanted to and I was VERY out of it. This had me in bed, much to my dismay but both Madame Sue and James convinced me that it was better to miss one or two days than an entire week of preschool. I tried to be angry at myself for "slacking off" and "not helping" but though I was upset I wasn't angry, I heard the kids voices and wanted to cry because I missed them but there was only an ache because I knew that they were all in good hands and I would see them soon, I tried not to enjoy all the sleep and a chance to read a couple books though I was in pain I hadn't gotten to sit down and read for awhile. I laid in bed Tuesday and Wednesday tried to get up Thursday and was able to do meeting in the morning but the pain in my side was leaving my breathless and so I went back to bed. Friday I was determined to do craft with the kids as it was one I'd been looking forward to. James and Madame Sue know me pretty well and after I'd told them I felt ok they responded "Ok what exactly does that mean?" I passed the test however and was allowed to help in craft if I sat for most of it and went to bed at lunchtime. Walking out I was immediately greeted with "HOPE! HOPE! MWEN HOPE!!! MWEN SONJE OU!!! MWEN RENMEN OU" (My Hope, I missed you, I love you) I had the biggest smile and tears in my eyes as I hugged and kissed each one of them.

Over the weekend I wasn't sleeping well at night, still had an awful headache, had to rest and felt off and out of it. Monday: Madame Sue put me on Malaria medicine and wowzah, powered through the first half of the day as I wanted to do dance for the kids but after the last class I went to bed and crashed without being told.
Tuesday: took it easy and took pictures of the kids playing with parachute and balls; the lady that cleans after meals was sick with the new Chikungunya virus and so I pushed through to
clean up, sweep and mop for the afternoon classes but I felt super nauseous and lightheaded and finished as quickly as possible before crashing yet again.
Wednesday: I got to do lunch and a small piece of recess but I took my last malaria pills soon after recess and had to go lie down; kids were not thrilled but I told them Thursday I would stay up and be able to tell them all goodbye.
Thursday: came and I woke up feeling like a completely new person which I know was all God's doing because we were incredibly short staffed as the Chikungunya virus was making it's rounds and I jumped in and helped lead the 2's class which is our largest group. I had an absolute blast and recess we played the kids favorite game "Going on a Lion Hunt" which you have to have two interns to play and I was able to say goodbye to the kids and send them home with a hug and kiss.
Friday: my fellow intern was electrocuted and sent to bed. Turned the day around and I ended up doing bikes around the pool which I've secretly been missing and wanting to do for a long time. We only had 60 kids come which seems like nothing but was a blessing and the day went so smoothly I give God all the glory for that.

Through this entire experience God taught me several different lessons but the most prominent one is that I need to give my worries and cares to Him before they settle on my shoulders and I'm driving to do anything and everything despite how I feel and end up in bed with a virus.

We are not superhumans and God has a way of reminding us on the mission field; wherever that is for you on this earth. We can't do everything; we just can't. We cannot depend on our own power and strength because we will find the bottom of a small container where His power and strength is bottomless. When God tells us in Matthew 16:24 to deny ourselves and take up our cross daily He doesn't exactly mean go make yourself miserable and don't take care of yourself. The NLV puts it this way "Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross and follow me." taking time to rest and refresh yourself in His love and peace is not selfish. Something I'm learning and probably will continue to "learn" for a very long time.

All of this to say that I knew I was giving things up when I moved, I knew God was asking me to give things up and when I came to Haiti I told God "I'm following You and therefore I have everything I need." and we're all called to do this in our daily lives. I'm nobody supernatural I'm simply trying to follow God and glorify Him.

Remember: You're not a superhuman, take time to seek Him because you are His child and He loves you to pieces.

Just One

There are days when I struggle.

Shocking I know but yes, I, Hope Ruebke struggle and this twisting of my heart and wrenching of my stomach take place when I see injustice and its just simply not enough to help one child; I want to help them all.

There's so much need in every child that I see; yes some are more needy than others but they're all beautiful and amazing children and I just want to protect them, to give them pure love, to help them to grow both physically and mentally with God. It's a huge task; one that can and will leave you weary thinking of everything that needs to be done.

The little girl of three sisters that attend the school cut her arm several weeks ago; they brought her to us and we were able to take her next door to have stitches placed. But, the wound was not taken care of properly. So, my fellow intern and I have been diligently caring for her arm at the end of the day these past weeks and praise God it is healing much faster. She doesn't cry when we clean her wound, she will turn away and begin to rub the back of who ever is holding her, usually James, she will squeeze her eyes shut and lean heavily into his chest, but no tears, no cries. She is incredibly strong girl, her home life is hard; I ask for prayer for this beautiful girl and her sisters. James and I have been walking them home from school a big part of the reason is because we really can't say goodbye to them.

I also treated another little girl yesterday; but not for a cut. There are sores all over legs that she has scratched and rubbed so badly it's hard to distinguish whether they are ringworm, boils or eczema and they may very well be all. But, I placed medicine on all of her sores (I couldn't count how many there were) placed bandages and we were able to find her a pair of pants to cover them up as well as to keep her from scratching. This girl is also cross-eyed and I've been giving the job of placing a patch on her eye and switching it through-out the day; I love her so much and she reminds me of one of the kids I used to babysit as well as teach dance too. She came today wearing the pants which I was extremely grateful for as I wasn't sure what her parents would think as she is usually in a dress. Please keep her in your prayers as well.

I have story after story of hard home lives, sickness and behavior that causes us to worry. I didn't imagine that I would be holding children with burning fevers,  treating children for different things and mending clothing and shoes as they break apart. But this is where God has called me. It's easy to turn a blind eye and only see their beautiful smiling faces that shine no matter what and get caught up in the lie that everything is fine and prayer is not that important but I tell you praying is the most important tool that we have and we don't use the tools we are given we are not working to the best of our abilities and not only do we suffer for it but others as well. James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

I bought a starfish bracelet while I was on the island of Capri, from the pearly bracelet dangle silver starfish and I bought it as a reminder when hard days come to remember that: it matters to the one. Though I want to hold all of the kids; it matters to the one child that is sitting on my lap giggling away or leaning into my chest. Though I want to walk all of the kids home it matters to the one riding on my back or the one cradled in my arms. Though I know there are countless other children in the world what I'm doing here matters to the ones that I am loving on here, in the moment, everyday with His pure and unconditional love.

It's a hard love sometimes but it's love nonetheless.

Result of a Racing Mind & Heart at 3:00am

In Haiti the poverty is very close to home and there are things that I know I will probably never understand. Driving anywhere you will come into contact with it, you will see things that make you wonder "Why?", things that you long to figure out, people that you want to hold close or take to a safe place where they're fed and clothed, so many stories that I long to hear; hurts and pains that I long to heal and things I want to fix. But, almost two years ago I went to one of my mentors and one of my best friends, about an issue with a friend that was going through something really tough and was making drastic life changes. I vented to them saying I wanted to help her, I wanted to be there for her, I, I, I, I. They both listened and when I'd finished asked me one thing "Why are you trying to play God?" woah, what?! I'm not trying to... oh wait.

Sometimes I feel like we don't really understand who and what exactly God is, or maybe we do and we simply forget. God is not something that we carry with us in our pocket and then send to different people when bad things happen; kind of like a get well card. God doesn't take sick days or forgets to check on you. God is.... God!

 A lot of the children come to preschool with fevers, running noses or infected eyes. The cause of these is a number of different things but I always want to keep them here with me. For example: Dianne, who is in the 4-5's class, on Thursday was coughing so badly she threw up. She was also running a fever; so I gave her medicine and ended up helping with her class as they finished their craft, cradling her on my lap as I worked. She was feeling better by the end and not coughing as much, so I had her sit down and helped the rest of the kids with kicking balls through the makeshift milk can goal. When it came time for her to go home she didn't want to leave, she ran to me and I had to walk her out the gate to her mom, but then she demanded I come home with her. Her mother is a very sweet loving woman and we both explained to her that I would see her tomorrow and she needed to go home and sleep; after a bit I had to walk away. Part of me really wanted to go and see where they lived and if there was something I could help them with but no. I actually would like to go home with each of the children at the end of the day or just keep them all here, where I know they will be fed and will be safe. But no.

I've been reminded this past week that we live in a fallen world, where things that shouldn't happen, happen and what we take for granted so much every single day that a lot of people do not have and a lack of love, pure love is... painful, destructive and keeps people in heavy chains. I'm a girl, one girl and If I fed people with the food of this world they will come back hungry, if I give them clean water to drink they will return thirsty, if I build them a home with materials from this world it will fall into disrepair, if I pour out my love on them it will not be enough and while for a while they may feel happy it will fade and they will continue on in darkness. But, if I feed them and fill them up with the words of God they will be full and their thirst will be quenched, if I tell them about Him and they accept His gift they will build a relationship with Him far stronger than any house, if I pour out God's love they will walk in the light and their fear and hopelessness will run from them as He in turn fills hem with His unconditional love.

I cannot go home with the families or people I meet; but I don't have to because God already goes with them; He will protect them and if He chooses to use me to help their physical needs then He will show me where and how and I am more than willing to do it. But, until than I will love them with His love that fills me, never runs dry and is unconditional. This world tries to take Jesus out of the equation; you see and hear everywhere "Love is all you need, you are beautiful, you are powerful" on and on they go and those things are all true but why is love all you need? What makes you beautiful? Because God is love and He is literally all you need and will/is providing everything for you. You are beautiful because you were created by God and God is working in and through you. You are powerful because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Don't take Jesus out of the equation because without Him, we cannot even begin to hope to change lives here in Haiti or anywhere in the world.

We pray for people who have less than us; but, they pray for us too. A good friend told me a true story where a church had planted a church overseas and they were asking their planted church what they needed and how they could pray and the man's answer was something along the lines of "We really don't need anything. We pray for you actually. Here we see God, we depend on God for food for the next day and He provides. But, in the states it must be hard to follow God because you have everything" wowzah! Can you say paradigm shift?

Tonight I pray for the world. I pray for each of you. I pray that you seek God with your whole heart, that you take risks (also known as leaps of faith but we tend to limit those too) that you shine love, His love because we're here for such a short time. Look at me, I'm 20! Yikes! God isn't finished with me and God is not finished with you either.

Update: Four kids more kids have sponsors!!! They're each kids close to my heart and I could tell you so many stories and little things about them. I'm so ecstatic for them! If you don't know what I'm talking about or maybe you forgot read this: http://hopeblownaroundtheworld.blogspot.com/2014/02/my-name-is-hope-i-have-request.html

Be strong and courageous ~ Joshua 1:9
Be wise ~ Proverbs 13:10 & James 3:17
Be safe ~ Jeremiah 32:37-38 & Job 11:13-19