Seeds of Hope

Easter = spring, poofy dresses, ties, button up shirts, hats, bunnies, chicks, chocolate, eggs, family, church and... Jesus' birth.... no wait! Jesus dying on the cross?... Jesus coming from heaven?....

I recently watched a video where a group of youth students interviewed people in Seattle, WA asking strangers what Easter was about and who Jesus was. The responses shocked me! Yes, I know that bunnies and eggs are greatly advertised this time of year, but surely people know that it's the day we celebrate Jesus' victory over death. We assume a lot in our lives; sometimes it's little things; the dishes have been washed and put away or the children brushed their teeth. Sometimes it's bigger: She's in church, surely she's saved. His shirt says he loves Jesus so he must be a Christian.

I was talking to someone recently about relationships and really getting to know peoples stories and what makes them, them. He quoted a friend saying "a lot of people's relationships are a mile long but only an inch deep" we're so worried about fitting in that we forget that we are the most inspired by the people who stand out and make a difference. You don't have to go up to a person and say that they're a sinner and need Jesus RIGHT NOW! Relationships start with a seed being planted, "why is she helping me?", "why is is he always so nice?", then watered "Tell me more about Jesus" and cared for as it grows "Bible study tonight!", All you have to do is begin and plant the seeds of God's Hope.

My directors, Byron and Shelley Tlucek seek to do just this by sharing God's love and the good news of Jesus' death and resurrection in ways that our preschoolers will understand and that will plant deep seeds in their hearts. The preschoolers heard about Jesus' birth at Christmas and have been learning about Jesus' life, His miracles and the disciples over the past couple months.

The last two weeks before Easter vacation we began sharing Resurrection Eggs with the preschoolers; each Resurrection Egg has an item that symbolizes a small part of the Easter story; starting with Jesus entering Jerusalem and ending with the empty grave. The kids LOVED them! By the end most of them could tell you what was in each each egg and the oldest class could tell you what it symbolized!!! 

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The last two days of preschool the kids put together salvation bracelets to help them remember the Easter story and to share it with their families. Each child was given a bag with 5, different colored beads and a piece of leather

We went over the the different colors and what they mean as the preschoolers carefully put together their bracelets

One of our 2's ready to tie and finish her bracelet!

Black for our sin. Red for Jesus' blood that was shed. White symbolizing Jesus washing our sins away when we accept His gift of salvation. Green for growth as we learn and grow with Jesus. Gold symbolizing the streets of heaven, where we will go to be with Jesus when we die.

Such a fun and easy way for the kids to remember!

Each child also received an Easter coloring book, retelling the story of Jesus' death and resurrection in kreyol

A box of crayons

And a plastic egg with 30 jellybeans inside, the same amount that Jesus was bought for. The King of Kings bought for the mere price of a slave. 

We pray that these children share the message of hope and joy with their families and that seeds would be planted in all of their hearts and communities and that the seeds they plant will then sprout and grow

Because seeds grow and change, and as they grow and change the world around them changes and; if one preschooler shares with one parent and then they both share with two other people and then those four people each share with one person.... we can change the nation of Haiti and the world for the glory of God!

Will you share Jesus' story this Easter with someone you don't know? Will you plant seeds with your words and actions? Thanksgiving isn't a religious holiday per say, (though religious people take this time to look back and thank God for all He's done the past year) but, Thanksgiving is when most people, religious and nonreligious, seek to reach out and feed the homeless, why? Because we're going to eat a feast ourselves. So, what should we do on Easter? Shouldn't we spread hope since, if Jesus didn't rise from the dead we have no hope?! How can we? Invite ISI students to your Sunday lunch, sunrise service at the homeless shelter or at the park across the street? I don't know how God is leading you but I do encourage you to pray about it. See where God takes you; most likely its out of your comfort zone..... but it's all worth if for the glory of God!

Growth Through Love

I'm a sucker for puppy eyes, dimples, toothy grins, hugs and laughter.

Those days when my back is reminding me of my injury or the Chikungunya virus decides to rear its head I decide, in my short time alone in the morning, that "today I will only hold one child at a time." I'm trying to learn self care and making choices that are good for me and unselfish.... I can almost hear God laughing "Yes Hope, that would be good for you but we both know you" but I'm stubborn and try to show God that I can do it! So I step through the door and into the yard to greet kids. I'm greeted by at least 2 smiling faces, shouts of "Ope!" or "Hopie" I'll kiss them all and pick up the first one to me; I encourage the other kids to keep playing or find them a ball etc "See God, one child in my... oh" a child walks through the gate I haven't seen in what seems like forever and she comes walking straight for me, rubbing one of her eyes and trying to hide the tears. The child in my arms has nestled their head into my neck, content and happy; without a second thought I sweep up the little girl with tears in her eyes, walk over to the little "step" and start talking with her and getting both of them to smile and laugh. By the time we head to breakfast I've got two on my hips, one choking me on my back, two who've placed their hands on my arms and one that just ran into my front hugging me and doesn't want to let go. This is what happens 8 times out of 10 and I don't know that I've ever made it through the gate to breakfast with only one child on/clinging/touching me... but I love these kids and I know these kids, their body language, characteristics, parts of their story (not sure anyone truly knows the entire true story) and I want to love every single one of them with a Christ like love every possible moment that I can and I pray that His love will plant deep roots in their hearts and that they will know that it's Jesus' love that they feel, for them to grow in grace, love and joy is my prayer. Here are the first part of a some stories:

"I can't do it" he says looking up at me with those chocolate puppy eyes, the scissors and gnarled piece of paper clutched in his hand
"I can't do it" she says sitting on the swing, her legs just hanging there and continue to beg me to push her
"I can't do it" he tells me with his body language as he slouches against the wall while everyone else eagerly waits in first position, hands waving in order to be picked to leap over the river.

Hearing the words "I can't do it" touches something in my heart, whether these words are said truthfully or just because a child doesn't "want to do it" something awakens in me, a fiery passion if you will. There have been a number of things in my life that I haven't done or didn't do as well as I could have because I thought to myself "I can't do it." no one encouraged me or told me I could. Now i'm not blaming anyone; one told me I couldn't do it or probably knew how much I struggled and I either tried to an extent and couldn't or talked myself down. But somewhere along the way I found Matthew 19:26 "with man this is impossible. But, with God; ALL things are possible" and found that I was trying to do it all on my own strength and when I found that I couldn't I wasn't running to my heavenly Father but gave up. Words have also made a huge impact on my life (which I may go into at a later date) but God is our Father and our Teacher and throughout my life God has been teaching me how to teach others through my own experiences.

Here are the rest of the stories: (I do not use the children's names for privacy reasons)

"I can't do it" he says looking up at me with those chocolate puppy eyes, the scissors and gnarled piece of paper clutched in his hand. There was chaos around me, kids asking for the next piece, paper flying, kids needing extra pieces and here in the middle was this little boy watching as the classmates around him were almost done and thinking he was not as good as them and wouldn't be. I took the crumbled paper from his hand smoothed it out and said "Yes, you can. I will help you" time slowed down as I took his little hands, fit them through the holes of the scissors and guided his hand to cut the oval. It wasn't perfect. Chunks were out of it but he'd cut it out and we both cheered and laughed together "now, you try it on your own" the joy in his face quickly faded and he shook his head "no cheri, you can do it, I'll help you when you need me to" he nodded and began cutting. I guided his hand twice but otherwise he cut out the oval on his own and we cheered again and I almost cried when he said (in perfect english) "I did it!"
   It's worth it to stop and to help someone in need. To guide them, not take over or do it for them but to guide them and encourage them.

"I can't do it" she says sitting on the swing, her legs just hanging there and continue to beg me to push her. I helped teach her to swing last year, but I know it's hard for her to start "You can swing, you've done it before. Would you like a little push?" she shakes her head "no" I laugh and tickle her "Yes, silly you can" she laughs and shes her head "Ok, tell me how we swing. What do we do with our legs?" she looks up at me her face bright "Straight legs and then bent legs! Straight legs, bent legs!" I give her a little push "Yes! Now show me" together we say straight legs, bent legs as she does it and before she knows it shes swinging I catch her and the swing in my arms as she shrieks with laughter telling her "See you can do it silly!" and the smile on her face is the only reply I need.
   It's worth it to remind people, we all need reminders because we forget, we talk ourselves down saying that "that was a long time ago" etc. and sometimes hearing someone say "Hey you can do this, remember when..." might just change someones mind or give them that little push towards greatness and swinging is pretty great ;)

"I can't do it" he tells me with his body language as he slouches against the wall while everyone else eagerly waits in first position, hands waving in order to be picked to leap over the river. I call him once and he doesn't move so I call another child then slowly make my way over to him, calling other names, corrections and encouragement to children as they leap. "Hey honey, will you leap for me?" he just shakes his head and won't look me in the eye "Come on, I know you can do it" I demonstrate for him with my hands what I want him to do and then demonstrate it by leaping myself "Come on buddy!" I get the other kids to cheer his name and finally a smile breaks through and he runs and leaps into a pretty good grande jete! (basically leaping and doing splits in the air)
   It's worth it to take time out and show someone something that they've been shown a thousand times before, to cheer and help give them the encouragement to take that leap, whether it is a literal leap or a leap of faith encourage one another, believers and nonbelievers alike.

I have been so privileged to watch all of our preschoolers grow in little and big ways because of Jesus working in and through all of us here at Marantha's Garden of Development. I've learned so much about how crucial early child development is and seen God's hand transform some of our kids all for His glory. We're on break this week and I already miss each of them but praying that they're shining their little lights at home this easter season.

For You

"This is for you"

Sometimes what we are given is something that we have longed for, hoped for and possibly dreamed about. Sometimes, it's something that reminded the person of us, or they knew we would like. And sometimes these words are not so loving or thoughtful... but the first week of March every single preschooler heard these words as they were giving and changed into a brand new pair of clothes from Ecola Bible School. Every single child. We were also getting their heights and weights and as I cheered and oohed and ahhed as children came to the scale showing off their new clothes and their faces shining with huge smiles, my heart was bursting with joy.

This was the second time I’ve been blessed to work with the Ecola Bible Team and hand out clothes to the preschoolers. The first time I had been in Haiti for about 2 months; I knew all the children’s names and relationships had started; I was excited for all the kids and I thought it was really cool. It's been over a year now and I've learned so much this past year about love, teaching, Haiti, God and myself and this past time with Ecola was different; truly knowing the kids, their stories, their characters and seeing how God had provided for every single one of them, whether it was: the style of the clothes, what was written or that there was extra clothing for our new preschooler and seeing how much it meant to them was truly a beautiful thing to witness.

 I was suddenly choked up when I saw three of our oldest girls receive clothes that were perfect for them. These girls have all gone through a lot and the majority of it I probably don’t know but, the way these girls press forward, how their smiles are still so bright and their laughs are genuine is truly the hand of God. They’ve been working so hard to catch up on schooling, as they’ve missed a lot, and have surprised us all with how fast they are moving in their books now. One of them pulled out her new shirt; we caught eachothers eye and her face said it all; in that moment there was complete love and she knew it, she knew this had been specifically chosen for her.

To give a gift is a wonderful to thing and God offers us the greatest and most beautiful gift of all: salvation through His son Jesus’ death on the cross and accepting it… to accept the most perfect gift with the utmost thought for you is life changing and no matter what life throws at us, as it will, we can smile, laugh and dance because Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead for us all… He died for you.

Oh Be Careful

"She is mean!"

Was the phrase that came out when I explained why I'd asked for prayer for a certain two year old. I hadn't been back very long, but this little girl had caught my attention. I'd watched as she'd bit, kicked, hit, stole another child's food repeatedly throughout the week and when corrected she would look at me or another teacher, soaking it all in and respond to everything with a confident "Wi" (yes) responding to "You know that's wrong" or "Don't do that again, ok?" but she would turn around and do it a few minutes later!

God, how do I reach this child?

Its funny how God speaks and uses so many different things to touch us. I had started to stick with this little girl, when I wasn't teaching dance; keeping her close, playing with her and just loving on her and it seemed to be making a difference. Then, one day she was sitting on my lap and a little boy came and did something, honestly I don't remember what it was, but I gave his hand a pat and told him "no, don't do that." The little girl then took a swat at his hand repeating what I had said... it was as if her slap had hit me in the face instead. She was watching me and had swung the other way, she was now a little "professor" discipling kids! I asked her teachers and they told me that yes when they reprimand a child she comes running over to do it too. 

God, is this my fault?

I blame myself and beat myself up, mentally, a lot for different things. Which is not healthy and something God is working through with me. A lot of things had been piling on my heart and mind as my eyes were being opened more and more to what these children went home to every day. But, this thought knocked the wind out of me and I wasn't sure where to go. Today though God showed me something that humbled me.

There are a handful of kids I watch when they eat breakfast and lunch. They do not get a lot to eat at home, one needs water instead of milk, one wants to take food home, another is... too weak to eat is the only way I can think to describe it and another isn't up to trying new foods. So, I usually feed these children by hand sit with them on my lap and sometimes they eat and sometimes I try again at lunch. As I came in to check on one of them the little girl was trying to feed the child I was checking on! This child was her own age and honestly wasn't going to be fed by her, but she'd been watching me and was copying me.

I cried.

Children are the next generation, children copy what they see others do, whether it is good or bad. What we are doing matters; God reminds me of this so much! And it's important to be a godly example to these children and to love them with a Christ like love because you're not just helping to change a life but a nation too. We aren't perfect, we'll mess up but hopefully we'll all learn and love through it all.

This is a song that we sing at preschool and you all may have sung it at one point in your lives or another; but this song really stuck to my heart while I was holding my little girl or shadow as she's now being called. 

"Oh be careful little eyes what you see (what you see!) *insert children shouting this last part

Oh be careful little eyes what you see (what you see!)

For the Father up above

He is looking down in love

So, be careful little eyes what you see (what you see!)

I pray that people, not just the children at the preschool, would see Jesus through me.

"Be careful little ears what you hear"

I pray that I listen to God's words and let them fill me.

"Be careful little mouth what you say"

I pray my words are encouraging and loving at all times.

"Be careful little hands what you do"

I pray I am gentle, kind and a servant.

"Be careful little feet where you go"

I pray I follow God wherever He takes me, in a day, week, month and the years ahead.

Curveball #3

Curveball #1 Health issues sending me home early

Curveball #2 Staying home an extra month

Curveball #3? My largest monthly supporter needing to cut support by 82%

82%..... Wow, what a thing to wake up to.... but you know what? God loves a challenge and He loves stretching this ballerina further than she thinks she is flexible. And so I take a deep breath and begin to write you all this post with a heavy heart placed in His hand but knowing He will provide all I need.

If you are new to this blog and to my work in Haiti, let me give you a short and sweet summary: From January to September I lived and worked in Port-au-Prince, the capital of Haiti, a little island in the Caribbean. I worked with Maranatha Children's Ministries in their preschool program January through the beginning of June. I danced with Angelfeet Dance Studio in Kansas for 10 years, 3 of those years I taught dance classes. Hearing this, the directors of Maranatha asked me to come and start a dance program. How awesome is it that God took dance, something I loved and did, is using it on the mission field?! 

I began teaching 80 preschoolers dance in the front yard of the preschool. Their progress was amazing and my heart continued to just fill with love, hope and dreams for every single one of my students. Please follow this link to read about a precious little girl and her "dance story".  

Sadly, as we work to further God's kingdom here on earth, the devil works against us and so I was hit with the Chikungunya virus (follow link for more info) in May. Talking with one of my pastors, it was brought to my attention that it really wasn't a coincidence that the virus affects joints and therefore my dancing abilities and that the virus lasted far longer than it should have. Granted I was not resting and was trucking through it which did not help. But, spiritual warfare is real.

 Haiti is spiritually dark with the presence and ancient practice of voodoo everywhere. That is not to say that God is not moving and light is not penetrating that darkness. The Christian Haitians that I know are so incredibly passionate and just radiate this beautiful light in everything they do! But after working this past summer at Maranatha's English Camp, I needed to come home for healing as well as to raise support.

Not as short and sweet as I promised, but here is the continuing story:

Some of my supporters are no longer able to support me due to job loss, medical bills etc. and I'm so very grateful to them for supporting me as much and as long as they did. But this meant that my need for monthly support was much greater and then this morning I found out about the 82% cut from my primary supporter.

I'm going to be painfully honest with you guys. I now have a total of only 7 monthly supporters and their combined effort is less than $300. They are giving sacrificially and support other missionaries. I love them all and its hard for me to accept money when I know that they give out of their little but I also know that God will richly bless them and will view their giving out of their need as more than those that give from their abundance. Doubt it? Read Mark 12:41-44 for me ;)

I'm asking each of you to consider giving a monthly donation. As small or as large as you feel led to give. One time gifts are appreciated but monthly support is where I really need it. One way of looking at it is taking a larger gift and splitting it into 12 monthly donations.

I know that most, if not all of you, are probably already supporting the Lord's work in some way and are inundated with opportunities to give more. We live in a world FULL of need & I don't like asking for money. But if you could give just $10, $20, $30 - whatever the monthly amount, it WILL make a difference. God IS faithful. We just have to take that step and open our hands. We can hold more when our hands are open then when our fists are clenched. Try it with sand, water... anything. Take a fistful of anything and see how much you really have when you open your hand. Then scoop it up with an open hand over and see the difference. 

To those of you that have:

Listened to my stories, for sometimes hours

Hugged me

Cried with me

Prayed for me

Encouraged me

Bought me coffee, tea or a scone 

Laughed with me

Allowed me to take your senior or family pictures

Reminded me to take my pills, drink water or rest

Taken me dancing or to a movie

Sent money for a new laptop

Run 12 miles to raise support for me (you know who you are Miss Awesome Trenna)

And just been wonderful friends and family members...

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's not enough to express my gratitude but it is very heartfelt and honest. I've been touched by all of you and how greatly God has blessed me. If you have given, are giving (whether to me or other people), please SHARE this.

I cannot continue my work in Haiti without your support. Please pray and consider a monthly donation, however large or small it makes a difference. I am scheduled to leave for Haiti in just 12 days IF I have enough support to return.

You can go to mcmhaiti.org and donate with: support for HOPE RUEBKE in the memo. If my name is not on it it goes to the organization not to me.

OR

Send a check or have monthly withdrawals sent to:

MCM c/o Nichols Accounting

5680 E. Franklin, St. 110

Nampa, ID 83687

Thank you again and hopefully the next blog posts will be much happier ;) I have a song for everything in my life and as I was writing this, this song came on and please listen here 

Rest Easy

"You better rest while you're there" she said giving me a big hug as I said goodbye the night before I headed home. She said this sternly but with all the love in the world and I felt it. On the one side I didn't want to go home, I knew there were things to be done and by the time I returned we were hoping that over half of the kids in the children's home would be with their forever families and I would miss meeting their families and saying goodbye and what if school started?! I was so tempted to change my flight so I could meet one of the parents that was flying in the day I left and we would miss each other by a couple hours. I struggled with this but I felt His hand on me telling me that I needed to go home now for a short time so that I could stay for a longer time. And so I boarded the plane with half my heart left in Haiti but knowing this was His plan and having my mind set to enjoy my time and to rest so I could come back.

Part of resting meant: healing and healing meant: medicine and medicine meant: a trip to the doctors office.  So, I went to our family Dr. to get some blood work done... my favorite. I don't like hospitals or doctors offices, if I'm being completely honest, the thought of them makes me nauseous and having to spend any time in them just doesn't sit well with me. It's not like I've had horrible experiences or anything... it's kind of like peoples fear for the dentist. I've never been afraid of the dentist but doctors is another story. However, my mom and I walked in with the comfort of a warm starbucks in hand and took a seat. It was not a good C-virus day and me not wanting to be there didn't help with anything either. When our doctor came in and began talking, her words were "... she looks like she went through some rough stuff, the light thats normally in her eyes isn't, it isn't there and that worries me." it took me back hearing this; was it really that noticeable or that bad?! Yes, I felt bad but it wasn't... that bad surely!

I told her that I was only staying a month and she began talking to me about how she felt it would be wise to take another month off, how the poor will always be with us, that going back at 50% I will decrease faster than if I waited to go back till I was 100%, she continued talking about how Jesus rested and it took everything not to start bawling as she spoke these words to me. I knew she was speaking truth but I didn't want to believe it. Yes, I wasn't as 100% but it wasn't that bad and I would be ready to go in a month.

But when the test results came back and my thyroid levels were not where they should be my dr put me on medicine that would last 4 weeks and I would need to be checked once the medicine was gone to make sure the dosage was right; my flight was scheduled to leave in two weeks.

I choked up as I spoke in front of my church; when my Pastor asked me to tell them why I wanted to go back and how Haiti had captured my heart.

I started to cry as I put together a powerpoint to show at a fundraiser dinner I had and I put off writing a speech till a couple days before. My heart ached as all the sweet little faces popped up one right after the other, their little voices calling my head and I wanted nothing more than to be there with them. I wrote a speech, knowing that I would just cry if I didn't have a something set (though I didn't follow it to the letter) and it would be a good distraction.

I was not happy. I was angry.

Not angry at God, my doctor, family, friends or even complete strangers; though I think they all might have felt that I was and an angry outburst or two probably didn't help with their feelings but I was angry with myself. All the stress,  culture shock, worries and aches bubbled over and were misdirected.

And so I basically ran, ran away from it all to find myself sobbing to a dear friend on a mission campus in Oklahoma City and that's where He found me and I found.... me.

There are 2 things I've done for as long as I can remember:
     #1. Pushed myself through things. Thinking "it's not that bad" and "I can do this!" or the fact that "there are other people worse off than I am and doing way more things than I am"
     #2. Beat myself up when I mess something up no matter how little it is.

One of my best friends taught me a long time ago that there are always 2 perspectives: yours and the other persons and that I should to try and look through both perspectives and then apply to God's word before doing anything rash. Well tried to teach me would be a better description as I usually ended up just kicking myself about it.

I've believed a lot of lies about myself growing up. Not necessarily lies that people fed or told me but ones that I gathered or took the wrong way. And these weighed on me; I thought and saw the best in people but the worst in myself.

But, God has helped me begin to untangle this web, piece by piece through: His word and countless people showing and telling me that taking care of myself is not selfish and is critical when you're working in and for God's Kingdom (which should be wherever you are in life)

I never saw myself as enough or believed that I was enough. I knew what God said, I knew that without Him we aren't enough, I knew I had Him, I knew other people were enough but for some reason I was excluded in my head. I encouraged and built other people up but tore myself down. Have you ever been told to "drink your own medicine" or to "listen to your own advice" or something along those lines? Well; I needed to be told that and God gave me four incredible friends in Haiti, the wonderful mom of my Haiti family and the house mama of the childrens home to tell and show me that I was a precious in God's eyes. Each in their own way sat me down and spoke truth into me and I cannot thank them all enough but I do say a very heartfelt thank you to: My Haiti mamas, good cop, bad cop, captain awesome and my canadian "mother" for everything they have said and done for me.

I'm still a work in progress. I'm still needing healing and rest (and I still feel like a lazy lump) but little by little I'm understanding more and being changed a little more to the beautiful masterpiece that He created me to be.

There was a song that I took to Haiti and I forgot about during the summer. Music has always played a big role in my life through dance, playing instruments and singing. And this song I feel God speaking to me and it is written by one of my favorite singer/songwriters: Andrew Peterson. The chorus is:

You don't have to work so hard
You can rest easy
You don’t have to prove yourself
You’re already mine
You don’t have to hide your heart
I already love you
I hold it in mine
So you can rest easy

God says this about each and every single one of us. I write this with not only myself in mind but several missionary families and people that I know are breaking their backs and feeling beaten and lost. It's ok to rest in His arms for as long as it takes. 

He loves you.
He delights in you.
He sings over you! 

Yes! Isn't that such a comforting thought?! In the end it's you and Him not everyone you've ever met judging you, but you're loving Savior. If you need to rest then rest and rest easy however hard it may be or seem God wants you to rest and be at the fullest of your abilities. So together lets rest easy in Him though we see the work ahead and yearn to do it; rest because He knows your heart and has seen your work and is not judging or angry with you. This is not a punishment; but a gift.

Home On the Range

What?! You're not in Haiti?! Suprise! Don't worry; I am going back, but here's a little glimpse into the past month stateside.

I left my the "island in the sun" the beginning of September to spend a couple days with my best friend and her husband in Florida. I was not able to attend their wedding in July as english camp was in full swing, but it was wonderful to spend a couple days with them and hear about it and spend time with them. I'm very thankful for them and all the hospitality and love they showed me by: driving 2 hours away to pick me up, giving me their comfy mattress to sleep on, 2 warm blankets (as I was freezing!) delicious food, a day at the beach, laughs and rest. They wouldn't let me do anything and this bothered me because I do like helping and cleaning; especially if I am a guest, but my best friend is also my "twin" and she can be just as stubborn as I can be and so I rested and slept and had a lovely time.

After that I flew to my home on the range; the same night as my brothers surprise birthday party! My dad picked me up from the airport, I ducked down in the car as we pulled into the garage, quickly changed into a party dress and made my way through the back of the house and into the kitchen. My mom had it all worked out and had me sit on a little scooter while she and dad (who were the only ones who knew about my homecoming) placed a huge cardboard box over the top and pushed me into the dining room. Jonathan began tearing off the wrapping paper and as light began to pour into the box I popped out and wrapped my arms around his neck shouting "Happy Birthday!" and kind of falling into him because the scooter slid, but no matter. I found out later he thought he was getting a puppy thus his stunned and interesting facial expression ;)

My brother and I are a little over a year apart. Growing up we weren't always the best of friends as he was the first boy and I was the fifth girl. But, we had some pretty fun times growing up, being the best of friends at times and the biggest enemies at other times, but he is my brother and I love him to pieces no matter what! I was really set back when I realized I wouldn't be there to take his senior pictures or be at his graduation; but that's part of being on the mission field and I was ecstatic that I got to be there for his birthday.

I planned to stay in the States till the beginning of October when preschool would start in Haiti. During this month I'd been giving very strict and loving instructions from my mamas in Haiti to rest and have fun. First part of resting was figuring out how to treat the C-Virus, we talked to our dear friend Dr. Joel Robbins, a natural health specialist in Tulsa who is truly an amazing person,  he has changed countless lives and I could go on and on, but do go to his website and take a look around. He put me on some supplements to start building... well, me back up.

Next was a visit to our family Dr. to get some blood work done... my favorite. This is a long story, and I will be writing another blog post on this visit, but the short of it is that my doctor was worried about a month in the States not being enough. She knew how much I wanted to get back and so we did the blood work and waited the results. They came back and my thyroid was not looking good. My doctor put me on medicine and said that she would have to see me in 4 weeks to check the dosage.... goodbye going to my Haiti home the first week of October.

I was crushed by this and when I found out that the government had decided to start school in September after all and I was missing the beginning of school I was not a happy camper... not one bit. But through different things, which I will write about in another post, God gave me peace about staying another month and so I changed my flight to the 28th of October.

During my time here I've been blessed to spend time with family (everyones so grown up) see friends, tell my stories about Haiti, photograph some families and seniors, rest, laugh and meet some new friends. I thank you all for your support it's been really amazing to see the people that have come through for me and supported me though they are going through some hard times.

God has blessed me SO much and I can't say thank you enough! I will be here till the 28th for those of you that I've not been able to connect with yet, message or call me and we'll try to work something out.

May God richly bless you all!

What Time is it Mr. Wolf?

Green group, boys 8-9, entered the gate all in a perfect line, their hands on each others shoulders singing with their leader:
Leader - "Agoch!"
Green group -"Adwat"
Leader - "Agoch!"
Green Group - "Adwat"
Together - "Goch, dwat, goch, dwat!"

As their head jr. counselor passed me he tipped his imaginary hat and called out "Mesye di bonjou a madame Hope"(Sirs say good morning to miss Hope) "Bonjou Madame Hope!" they all cried, some giving me high fives, others leaning in quickly for a kiss on their cheek as they passed by and four boys in particular broke the line to give me a hug and say "Good morning Hope, how are you today?" and a couple more sentences that they learned in english class from Miss Sarah. Their head counselor had them all make a circle and stand quietly, I was SO impressed! And told them all how proud I was of them and thanked them all for listening and obeying their jr. counselor.

"Are you ready to play Twizzle?" I asked "YES!" resounded from inside the carport and I couldn't help but let out a laugh and smile as I began to call out "March, march, march" and the boys joined in; a couple adding "et" (and in Kreyol) I waited a little bit as I watched the anticipation building on their faces "annnnd sit down!" they all squatted looking around to see if everyone had done the same "stand up!" again they scanned their group to see if anyone was out yet. "sit down, stand up, sit down, sit down!" we all laughed as several of the boys stood up instead of staying seated and were tickled out of the circle to stand outside of it and help me watch for others that would be out. We played this for a while; I added different movements and whenever I said "Twizzle" the boys had to jump and do a 180 turn. Anticipation grew as the circle became smaller and smaller until there were just two boys left, I began doing a pattern "Sit down, stand up, jump, twizzle" I repeated this until the boys had figured out the pattern, then... with a slight smile I called out "Sit down, stand up, jump, twizzle, stand up!" one continued the pattern while the other had listened to what I said and remained standing! "Li genyen!" (he won) we all shouted and as I lifted the boys arms and congratulated him.

"All right, go touch the wall" I called and 39 pairs of feet went racing away to the wall opposite the carport. "Ok, ok?" I called their attention to me "Ok!" they called back, "Today we're going to play..." cheers erupted into the summer heat as I announced their favorite game; What Time is it Mr. Wolf? Since we had a new child in the group I explained it for him and just as a refresher for the rest, "You children are the sheep and your jr. counselors and leader are the wolves... especially this one" I said pushing a jr. counselor off of his perch on the small wall in the carport "ale jwe" (go play) I encouraged him. I continued to explain that after I counted to 3 they needed to ask "What time is it Mr. Wolf?" and then I was going to say a time (e.g 4 o'clock) they would need to take that many steps towards the wolves, they should continue asking and moving forward until I called out "LUNCHTIME!" when I yelled this they needed to run back to the wall before the wolves could snatch them.
"If a wolf catches you, you're out!" I explained "Are you ready?" laughing I climbed up on the little ledge to be out of the way of stampeding children as I'd been asked/told to take it easy having been down the day before with malaria.

"1, 2, 3!!!" I called out

"What time is it Mr. Wolf?"

"10 o'clock!"

"1, 2, 3, 4..." with every number they took a step until they reached 10 and then it began again; closer and closer they came to the waiting wolves, "5 o'clock, 3 o'clock" until they were all nervously standing in front of them, knowing that I would call lunchtime soon, the anticipation was killing everyone as I chuckled to myself "1 o'clock" one step closer "annnd LUNCHTIME!!!!!" I nearly fell off of the ledge laughing as I watched "organized chaos" take place before me.

The children went racing in all directions, trying to avoid the wolves that surrounded them, there was squealing and laughing as children narrowly escaped fingers that reached out just inches from catching them; as well as some shouts of displeasure followed by laughter as those that were caught were tickled by the captures before they were released to watch the game from the benches.

We played this until there just a handful of kids left. I watched as the Jr counselor I'd pushed off the wall to play; dove to catch a child, barely missed him and slammed his head into the door of one of the port a potties. He popped right back up though! "oh" my hand went to my mouth in shock, but on seeing he was ok I couldn't help but laugh as what had just happened replayed in my head and all the boys around me, who'd been caught and witnessed what happened began laughing along with me. Checking to see if he was ok (once I got my laughter under control, though he was laughing too) we finished the game and then handed out bags of water before they lined back up and headed to their next class.

These boys continued this awesome behavior throughout the next weeks and earned a pool party on one of the Friday Fun Days for their good behavior in ALL of their classes!

I loved teaching younger p.e during English Camp with Maranatha Children's Ministries, these boys hold a special place in my heart and I already miss seeing each of their smiling faces every morning. Just like these boys all of your hard work will pay off so don't stop working towards the honor and glory of our heavenly Father.

My Bumblebees

My first class of the day was yellow group, the youngest group of girls ages 5-7. I knew four girls in that class from teaching preschool and on the first day they came running to me for the hug and kiss they knew they would receive; a couple of the girls that I didn't know followed them and they all recieved the same. We tried to play a game where everyone said their name while doing a silly action and everyone repeated; but for some reason hearing 32 names twice it didn't really stick.

As the weeks passed (way too quickly) I began to look forward to yellow groups huge tackle hug (everyone joined in now) I waited as all the other groups passed the carport, where I taught younger p.e, out the gate and off to their first class of the day. Then as yellow group came swarming around the corner towards me yelling "Hoooope" or "Mwen Hope" (my Hope) I couldn't help but laugh and try to say "Good morning" as they barreled into me each laughing, lifting little their heads up, forming their little lips into a kiss and calling attention to themselves as I worked my way around the group giving them a kiss on their forehead or cheek.

One of their favorite games was called Barnyard.

In this game we split the girls into three groups and named them either: cats, dogs or sheep. The jr counselors and leaders stood in the middle or off to the side, I paused, watching the excitement on their faces as they waited to see which group got to run... "Baa" came the call and all the sheep went running to touch the wall before someone could touch them; the jr counselors and leaders would race to try and catch a child before they were safe at the wall.

This game was also one of my favorites because everyone involved just couldn't help but smile and squeal as they raced or were caught and swung around in the arms of one of their leaders. I tried to mix it up calling another group to the wall while the leaders were trying to catch the last couple from the previous group, their faces as they were caught off guard made the little girls laugh hysterically as they raced close to their stunned leaders without being caught. During the last week girls that had been caught could get back into the game if they could say a sentence in english. Others were content to sit with me and "help" me call out the different groups. And certain little girls, while they participated in the game tried to be caught because it meant that they were swung around in their leaders arms and then they got to cuddle with me on my bench or be tickled as they watched the game continue.

I loved my little bumblebees, those girls were never without a smile on their face or a kind thing to say. They had just as much energy as the crazy boy group their age but they used it to spread joy and laughter and to play the games better.

This game reminded me of us and our relationship with God, because though we race around doing this and that and as this world discourages us and we're brought to our knees we run to the promise of heaven and the fact that there will be no more tears there and we will be made new. While this is all true and wonderful we sometimes forget and maybe just don't think about the fact that God is the real thing we should be longing for and as the entire human race races and tries to work their way to heaven, we should be racing to God's arms.

We were asked a question by one of our Directors, Bryon. He asked us during a devotion "If Jesus wasn't in heaven, would you still want to go?" think on that a little bit through-out this week; do we love Him because of what He gives us or does for us or do we love Him simply... for Him?

Strength Will Rise

Every evening, after English Camp we gather around the pool (unless it's raining in which we move inside) for a time of worship and devotions, some nights this ends up being rather late and a lot of us find ourselves longing for a cool shower to wash the dirt and sweat of the day off. But this is also one of my favorite times of the day because whether it's the words in the music or someones devotions God always manages to touch my heart in one way or another.

One evening we gathered around the pool after a particularly long week, we'd had a couple scares and a few injuries and I found myself just hurting and wanting to be with the kids, caring and loving on them all the time. I knew that these kids being Haitian were much safer than I would be out on the streets etc but still I found myself longing to go with them as they all headed home in their little groups; wanting to make sure those with little injuries were carried for properly so they would not get an infection and just loving on them and being an example for them. I sat there trying to push it away from my mind as the boys brought out the guitars. God however had heard my silent cry, He had felt the longing in my heart and as the first chords were played God lifted up my head and I began to sing: 

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord

Patience is not my strongest point, but waiting on God I find to be a little easier; call me crazy but I find His timing is always perfect and if I just sit tight and rejoice in Him, He is always worth the wait!

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God

He is the everlasting God; He's not going anywhere and He will never let me go

You do not faint
You won't grow weary

You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on the wings
Like eagles

As I begun to sing this last part tears filled my eyes as God reminded me once again of who He is; I grow weary and tired on a daily basis but He never does. Though I cannot go home with every needy and hurting child in the world God can and moreover; He does! He cares for us so deeply and I've been so privileged to see Him through my fellow interns, volunteers, translators, Jr. counselors and my directors. All the little things we do: greeting children as they come through the gats, smiles, hugs, meals, an encouraging word, placing a bandage and so much more it all matters and it touches not only us but those around us in ways that we may never know.

Leaning into God and receiving: strength, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self control from Him on a daily basis is one of His many blessings that He pours on us, sometimes I overlook His blessings in a day; but I know each day holds at least a 100 in that: it's a new day, I'm breathing, I'm walking, I'm talking, I can hear, I can see, He has forgiven all our sins, He is mine and I am His, He loves me and on and on the list goes!

English Camp is a lot of work; but it's life changing and I would encourage all of you to volunteer for a week or more next year and if coming here is not a possibility right now sending supplies and other people here to love and work with these kids. There are 2 kinds of Christians: the givers and the goers (we should all be prayers) which one are you?

Pour out Love

"OK, OK?" I shouted for the hundredth time in one class period, 42 little boys shouted "OK!" back but before my translator or I could get a word in there was shouting and talking from every corner of the carport where we were doing younger P.E. Their little voices all talking created a roar to match those that cheer throughout Port-au-Prince whenever Brazil scores. The sun was hot and I wiped my sweaty brow as I turned to God for help. Deep breath in, deep breath out. A cool breeze began to wrap itself around me and I knew He stood beside me.

My hands met in a loud clap as I repeated the same phrase we use to get the children's attention "OK, OK?" I yelled louder than I thought I could "OK!" they shouted back, I repeated this for a few minutes until I had all of their attention "SILENCE, SI. VOU. PLAIS!" (Silence please) and to my surprise it became almost quiet, but it was enough. I began explaining a game that we were going to play using brightly colored balls and teams. Pulling out the balls caught all of their attention. My translator explained that we would be picking 8 boys at a time and silence fell as they all did their utmost best to remain quiet while we pulled the first 8.

I'd been watching four boys that I did preschool with for the past 6 months and was so proud as I found them to be the nicest and most obedient. I pulled them and 4 other boys that hadn't been causing to much trouble to the front and be began playing Down, Down, Down where they pass the ball back and forth and if you drop it you have to drop to a knee, drop it again and it's two knees until you're playing with only one hand. The boys cheered for their teams and I watched as smiles broke out on their sweaty faces and laughter as people dropped the ball and had to drop lower then their partner.

Throughout the class period words like: love, encourage, engage, cheer just kept running through my head and so I did my best to just pour all these things out. Cheering and shouting, getting the boys to encourage their partners and throw the ball further. A couple little fights broke out that I had to reprove and there was one little boy in particular that just blatantly refused to obey and wasn't allowed to participate; which is never fun.

I won't lie; when their class was up a wave of relief hit me I called them to me, thanking them for listening and working hard together and asking them to be good in their next class. To my surprise I received several, high fives, hugs and thank yous from their little crowd as they filed out the gate. I always feel like a horrible person when I yell or punish someone, I'm a people pleaser and it never ceases to amaze me how these beautiful Haitian children react and give back in love. At the meeting with all the teachers, staff, interns and translators after camp we all lifted the group up to God asking for wisdom and obedience.

The next morning I felt God pushing me find the little boy that had caused so many problems the previous day. I found him in his faded blue shirt just finishing breakfast and sitting a little to close to the pool. I called his named and scooped him up in a hug, he clung to me so tightly it reminding me of when my youngest brother would hug me before and after I came home from work, like he'd never let me go. "Oh buddy" my heart was stolen away in that moment, along with my breath. And when I got it back I began to talk to him about how much Jesus and I love him and want him to obey and what a good boy I know he could be. He didn't say a word but nestled his shaved head deeper into my neck. "You're going to be a good boy today, right?" I finally asked, his deep little voice responded and I gave him a final squeeze before placing him back in his spot and kissing his sweaty brow.

I began to walk back to my place, giving high fives and shouting "Bonjour" to the rest of his group and telling them "No problems today" in a teasing way. I didn't know if that would make a difference but I felt a peace and a little bit of excitement about it as the morning assembly began and classes were dismissed.

I waited anxiously for orange group. And when they came through the gate in a perfect line repeating what their Jr. Counselor was calling out instead of talking among themselves I couldn't help but smile and tell them all good job. All of them turned to me with shining faces giving me high fives or jumping out of line really fast to give me a hug. They went above and beyond my expectations and the class period flew by a lot faster than I wanted it to.

Meeting that day was praise and excitement about orange group. Everyone had seen the need and poured love and we were not disappointed with the reaction.

Serving anywhere in the world as a Christian we are called to love. Sounds very simple and easy; but there is a lot of meaning in that word and honestly I don't think we will ever fully understand it's meaning while we are here on this earth. But here are some thoughts:

Love:
Goes above and beyond what people expect
Patiently waits
Cleans dirty hands
Is kind when others behave or speak badly
Dances when it can't walk
Does not envy what other people have or receive
Lifts people up
Smiles when its heart is breaking
Forgives and forgets
Cheers when its voice is almost gone
Makes room when there is none
Listens
Gives people opportunities to grow
Kisses sweaty brows
Disciplines justly
Puts others before oneself
Speaks truth
Ties shoes
Is humble
Walks several miles for a loved one
Prays when words and actions seem to fail
Steps back when needed

Pour out love and wait for God to work. You won't be disappointed