Finding Him

She always finds me.

Granted, I'm taller than most all of the preschoolers and I'm kind of loud, she still manages to find me before anyone else or wiggle her way to the front of the line of kids asking to be held. She looks up at me with those big "Eeyore" eyes (puppy = please pick me, oh pleaseeeee I'll be ever so sad if you don't. Eeyore = please pick me... if you don't it's ok; I'll wait) which makes it almost impossible to say no to because you don't want her to have to wait. So... I don't make her wait and up she sails into my arms; without a word she gives me a big hug and either contently leaves her head resting on my shoulder or if my hair is down will begin gently, braiding my hair.

Her heart is beautiful and kind. Her name means: companion or friend, which suits her so well! If she isn't in my arms or working in class, she's either: helping one of her classmates put on their shoes, pushing someone on the swing, singing and getting other kids to join in or giving rides on the back of a trike. Recess is one of her favorite times, I try to hold all the kids that I can throughout the day (appropriate and loving touch is an important part of development; it's actually a key part to healthy brain development) it's been amazing to see the change in a child when you start carrying them, holding them, hugging them and the way they light up. During recess though, if she's in my group, my little friend will leap into my arms and ask to sit on a "step" near the playground. I hold her tight, play "trot trot to Boston", sing with her and when another child needs attention she trails me, holding onto my shirt or sitting beside me, touching my arm, just being near me. She's always there. She always finds me.

Coming to Haiti I knew I would need to be flexible, I knew that I was going to teach but learn a lot more then I taught and that my faith would be tested. This little girl has shown me what it means to call Jesus friend and what it means when He is our friend. We all have friends, I hope. We seek them out wanting to know about their lives, what their doing, looking for advice etc. and if they don't answer calls or texts we assume the worst, we do everything in our power to make sure they're ok because they're our friends and we don't want to lose them because they're like family, they're a piece of you. "No man is an island, entire of itself; each is a piece of the continent, a part of the main." as John Donne very wisely said in his poem For Whom the Bell Tolls.

We need to do the same with God. He is our friend and we should be seeking Him, finding out what He's up to in our world and in each others lives. Following Him wherever He leads and sitting with Him simply enjoying the nearness of Him. Jesus praised Mary for clinging on His every word, He told the little children to come to Him after the disciples tried to send them away. God always has time for us, He's never pushing us away from Him though sometimes it's hard to see Him through the storm of life calling out to us saying "Come to me, walk on the water" "Trust me and take that leap of faith, I will catch you" "Stop overthinking it, it's a small step not a drop off, trust me." It's not easy but it's worth it. So find Him; step out of the boat, reach out your hand and walk/run to grab His outstretched one. Follow Him because He'll take you places you've dreamed of going but the choice is yours.

A Passionate Big Brother

She's the smallest two year old girl at the preschool. Almost weightless in her little 24 month yellow dress he was the first to see her as she arrives, a little late to breakfast. He calls her by name wishing her good morning and asking her how she is, she doesn't respond but he smiles and holds her close anyway telling both her and her sister how happy he is that they came to school today.
Setting her down on the wooden benches that surround the table he provides them both with extra food and continues helping children wash their hands and mouths before morning assembly.
He finds her though, after most of the children have gone inside, sitting alone with a plate that has hardly been touched. He pulls the tiny little two year old closer on his lap, with one hand he strokes her head gently and in the other he holds a small piece of banana bread, the chocolate beginning to melt and stick to his fingers as he tries to persuade her to eat. He gently lifts it up to her little mouth for what seems like the hundredth time, but she turns away at the last second. Shoulders slump as the breath he didn't know he was holding is released in a heavy sigh.
He's spent countless mornings trying to get her to eat. You can see his mind wrestling, whether to try again or let the tiny doll down to go sing. He bends his head to kiss hers and rests his cheek on her head. His silent prayer is seen by the watching eyes and he switches the banana bread for the glass of milk "Please drink" his request is so heartfelt that even the two year old understands and she leans forward to drink from the cup in his hand. "Good job Regina! Thank you!"He praises her rubbing her back, the smile on his face is one of pure joy. No pride or conceited thoughts, he knows it was all God and he feels blessed to have been a part of it. She finishes the milk and after one more kiss on her forehead he lowers her to the ground, he can't see the smile she hides as she toddles out to have her hands washed. She knows he loves her and has her best interests at heart and she loves her American brother back.

I had the great honor of working beside a truly wonderful friend for the past 51/2 months. Arriving in Haiti before he returned from Christmas break, I did my best to soak in everything I could. I'd come to Haiti not really knowing what to expect or what God's plan was and watching these children and trying to wrap my head around teaching them dance, uncertainty was settling in after just a couple weeks and I was wondering what God's plan was. And then my fellow intern James arrived. I didn't know what to expect when he came, the teachers were all really excited to have him back and I quickly saw why.

Monday morning James began calling each of the children by name as they arrived for preschool, each one had their own special relationship with him, running into his arms, shyly smiling as they walked over and hugged his leg or giving him a "I'm not going to say good morning smirk: and then running away as their plan worked and their big blo brother chased after them tickling them until a good morning came from their lips. They all adored him! His passion and love of the kids showed in everything he did.

James taught games, relays, body part songs, bikes and exercises around the pool and told the Bible story at the end of the day. His passion for the children that he served was inspiring as he tried different ways to keep the kids interested and push them a little farther every day. The preschoolers couldn't help but be inspired by the overflow of love and passion from their big brother, friend and teacher. Dozens of little eyes watched his every move and as he helped kids finish eating, make sure they got to the bathroom, comforted kids that fell and respected everyone. Slowly you could see the older boys taking after him in little ways, helping to carry benches, fighting less, carrying little kids to the bathroom etc

At the end of the day, cutting up things for dinner or playing cards afterwards we talked about highs and lows from that day. His highs were always about how far different kids had come whether they were speaking more, smiling more, running better and faster or participating more; his face just lit up talking about the kids and their achievements.

God wants the absolute best for us and He pours out love every single day and fills us with passion. God is with us all the time and sometimes its hard to see that; but the preschoolers and I saw Him shining through our brother James as he: cheered them on during bike races or relays, when he made things a little harder and then stood by their side encouraging as they did their best, when they disobeyed and he gave them consequences for their actions, they all knew it was all for the greater good. They saw the pain and disappointment on his face whenever one of them had to go stand alone and they wanted to make it up to him.

When we have bad attitudes or sores that need to be cleaned God seeks us out to love on us and to help us work and clean those things out of our lives. He's the best father, teacher and friend we could ask for; but, there are some pretty amazing shining examples and I know God's face is shining with pride when He see's our passionate brother James and the love he poured on all of his little Haitian siblings.

Through My Eyes

I thought I'd take you on a journey and give you a peek into one of many exciting days of preschool here at Maranatha Children's Ministries in Haiti.

Woke up after one of the best nights sleep I've had in a very long time thanks to Malaria; the wind was playing with the leaves of the mango and palm tree right outside my window and I hoped for a little bit of a cooler today. Looking at the clock it read 7:22 and I have a meeting to do at 7:30, yikes! Jumped out of bed slipped on the dusty, white tile, let out a little yelp as I fell on my face, popped back up and quickly got ready for the day.

What kind of day lay ahead of me with such an exciting beginning?

Every day we have a schedule and for the most part we stick to it, though with weather and sickness things do tend to get shifted around. Racing out of my room finishing my braid I found on top of the box where we keep the sheets for the schedules a note saying that my fellow intern and good friend James had already put together the schedule, "Mesi anpil James!" Headed out to the meeting with 2 minutes to spare!

Morning meetings are under the big gazebo. All of the staff attends the meeting, they start by singing a hymn and than we do devotions before going through the schedule for the day. But something was off this morning, it was 7:35 and no one was at the table except for James and I... James went to get them but only 7 people came to morning meeting out of the usual 12 and out of the 7 there were only 4 people who work with the children 2 teachers and then James and me. I have to admit I freaked out a little.

"Does anyone know where... anyone is?"

We pieced together that 2 people were sick but the rest we had no idea. There had been a Tap Tap (public transportation) strike a few weeks ago and I wondered if it was happening again. "Guess we're going to be teaching the 2's class today James" I said laughing. Something Haiti has taught me is to laugh in the good times and the hard times because it's easy to be discouraged and sometimes you just have to let go and laugh as you think "What on earth just happened."

As they finished singing Mama Erta arrived just in time to do devotions! James and I were pretty relieved we weren't teaching but I told Erta I would be her helper for the day as 32 little 2 year-olds is a little much for one set of hands. We tweaked the schedule, prayed together and were off to get things ready.

Right before the children arrived one of the helpers for the 2's arrived! I wrapped her in a huge hug and told her I was super excited to see her, even more so because we were so short staffed! She was shocked when I told her everyone that was missing and she told me that she wasn't feeling good but she knew that she needed to come today and now she knew why!

8:00am time to greet the children!

Running, walking or toddling through the black gate, giving one last glance at their mother or father, a whimper perhaps to show that they weren't too excited to be going to school and then their eyes land on you and a smile, sometimes a shriek as they call your name and come running to your arms or just running to you and hugging your leg as sometimes you already have two kids on each hip and one clinging to your back. Shouts erupt from all over the yard and teachers and my fellow intern greet kids by name. 

Soon the call for clean up is made and we all head to breakfast, holding one or two kids while leading the rest behind. The oldest children sit at the table under the huge gazebo while the younger children sit at two more tables that are set up in the preschool room. As backpacks that weren't taken off before coming to breakfast are gathered children close their eyes and fold their hands while a teacher prays than breakfast is served! Emanie makes breakfast every morning and it changes between oatmeal with raisins to banana bread & hard boiled eggs.

I help pass out plates and cups of milk to the youngest children giving each child a kiss on the forehead and telling them good morning. The children will shout my name and some of them pucker their little lips ready to give me a kiss on the cheek as well. They've all figured out my name and now I'm called one of three things: "Hope" "Hopie" or "Mama". Each of the kids hold different places in my heart and I have a special relationship with each one of them. Some are tickled until they tell me good morning or how they're feeling others get a little hug and a reminder to eat everything on their plates.

Heading outside Darlens and his little sister begin the chant of "HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! HOPE!" I shout their names back to them reaching them and tickling them both to get them to stop. After all the plates are passed out I head back to the preschool room to make sure a couple particular kids eat their breakfast & sending kids out to wash their hands or into the bathrooms before assembly starts. A handful of children trickle in once all the children are seated and eating, James and I run to greet them and scoop them up to carry them to an extra seat at the table.

  I helped Carmita clear the tables that day as she was just getting over the virus and her hands still couldn't lift heavy things. I served food to the last couple kids that arrived and gave a child with a fever some medicine before heading in to assembly to sing with the kids. Cristelle is a little two year old that was the first child to really attach to me; she ran up to me in her little pink and yellow shirt and lifted her arms to be picked up. Swinging her up to my hip we began to sing Oh, Be Careful Little Eyes, we sing it in English and in Kreyol. I began singing and swaying with her, we shook our fingers at each other shouting "What you see!" and laughing as we both couldn't keep a straight face!

After singing we say a prayer for the day and then the children all split into their different classes and head to one of our 4 different stations. The 2's start with craft and today was a coloring page of the Good Samaritan, I sat beside a little boy who when I first met him was very shy and never smiled. But through the months he has become such a smiley outgoing little thing it's really amazing to see. I sat between him and my little flower; Astride. Astride has grown a lot over the past few months, she holds the little pink crayon like it’s the most precious possession she owns and carefully she begins to color the man laying with his back against a large boulder. She doesn't stay in the lines exactly but she understands that this should all be colored. I praise her and Daniel as they work and other children lift up their papers to show me how they're doing as well.

   

Once all the children have finished coloring and their names have been written on the top we bring out fresh play dough! Each of the children are given a portion and I watched as they began to pinch little pieces off and roll into balls, “Hopie! Vini!” I hear from across the room, Marie Landie has rolled all of her play dough into one huge snake and her beaming smile shows just how proud she is of it. I play with her and Cristelle showing them how to make a dog with their balls of play dough, they were so excited!

Picking up the playdough the children are sent outside to sit on the step of the gazebo where they each receive a vitamin, a banana and a cup of water. I take a seat in front of them and instantly 4 kids run to sit on my lap while another 4 run to sit on James’ as well. We laugh, talk and play with the kids as they eat their snack and when they're finished half head to the front where chalk and bubbles await and I stay with the other half in the back where James has them do races. 

Astride and Redjina have claimed my lap as James calls out two kids to come stand beside him we all chant with him “Ready, Set, Go!” and they're off running a lap around the pool their little shoes slapping the concrete, ribbons flying and shrieks of joy escaping their lips as they race and those still seated chant both of their names. I'm impressed by a number of the kids that fly around the pool at lightning speed, they “cross the finish line” and give James and I a high five, their faces shining and hearts racing.

After everyone’s has had two turns it’s time to fall in and head to the front. We recite the alphabet in both French and English making silly voices and calling the kids to hold on and don't let go. Each of the children are given a piece of colored chalk, they run to the tall black gate which serves as a perfect blackboard for the kids artwork. One of the kids favorite things to do is draw lines and circles and then erase it to draw more; but when they do their hands turn the color of the chalk and they'll shriek and giggle lifting them up to show me.

I bring out the bubbles as James gathers what is left of the little pieces of chalk. No matter how old you are there is really something simply magical about bubbles and chasing them as the wind sends them dancing brings a smile to even the grumpiest face.

The fourth and final station is inside where we have assembly. The children sit around a chair as Islande has them tell her in English and Kreyol the date, days of the week and months of the year. Astride and Redjina have claimed my lap once more as Islande reads the class a story, first in English and then in Kreyol   asking them questions as she reads. The children all love books.

Today we had blocks after reading. I hadn’t been able to watch the 2’s play with the blocks and it was fun to watch as they pieced the pieces together and then told me what they’d built. I watched as a 2 square blocks became a car. A  whole stack of blocks became Adams airplane and Fabiola built a tower and then began sharing the different pieces as she took it apart.

Soon it’s lunch time, blocks are gathered and children line up to head to the preschool room to eat. A little boy managed to get his shoes off while playing with blocks and he brings them over to me to put on. His shoes are an old pair of tennis shoes that have seen much better days, there used to be a character of some kind on the sides but it’s long since come off, the insides are so shredded that it’s hard to get his sockless little foot in them but in they go nonetheless and he runs off to a lunch of peanut butter and honey sandwiches with milk.

I head out to serve the children under the gazebo, as I step outside I hear one of the oldest girls praying “Thank you for everything, please God bless Hope, bless Fi Fi, bless James, bless us God. We love you. In Jesus’ name amen!” to say that this is sweet is honestly an understatement. This child has far less than I have and does not have a good home life. But she prays that God will bless me. It’s a rather humbling thought.

Mats are laid out side by side in the assembly room and once the younger children have washed their sticky hands and mouths I help lay them down on the blue mats that fill the room. There aren’t enough for all the children and so I pull out some blankets and lay them in the pathway between the mats for the remaining children to sleep on. Islande sits and sings to them as they fall to sleep with a fan blowing around the room.

The oldest children have recess now. James and I try to switch it up and make it fun for the kids. We started with races as there were a couple kids with fevers that needed to be cared for. Hosperlinda, the oldest child that goes to Maranatha and has become my little sister begs me to race with her. I haven't done a whole lot of running or really any movement since I was sick. But her pleading puppy eyes are to much to deny and so off we go running around the pool. I was able to run which felt absolutely amazing during the race (not so much after) but running alongside my little sister both of us taunting the other one as we ran and laughing was much needed and a little prayer of thanks went up in the Haitian heat.

The wooden benches had been moved for cleaning and James and I had the idea to try and do musical chairs… with benches. We got James ipod and speaker and explained the game to the kids. Last one to sit down is out and the game began! The kids caught on very quickly and there was lots of laughter and dancing as the kids marched around the benches.

At 12 their afternoon classes start and they're divided again into three classes to work and James and I are on lunch break for an hour and a half. The day seems so much longer than it is and so much happens in those few hours that when lunch comes around sitting down and eating something sounds like you've just won the lottery. Don't get me wrong I love working with the kids but it does take more out of you than you realize.

The kids wake up and have a snack of crackers and water before heading in for afternoon assembly where James tells the children a Bible story while Rehuel translates for him, the other teachers and I hold as many kids on and around us as we can while making sure children are not messing with things they shouldn’t. The kids generally listen well but we all have our days where we can’t sit still and when there’s 80 kids that can't sit still a lot of grace is needed; which God always provides but we don't always tap into.

After another prayer children head to the front yard and play on the swings, kick balls, chase each other or curl up in our laps as they wait for their parents to come and arrive. It used to be hard to let the kids go home; not knowing where they're going to or knowing and not liking it. But if God has taught me anything it's that He does not just live here at Maranatha; He goes home with the children as well. He cares for them, looks out for them and always brings them back no matter what virus strikes.

I've been more than blessed to be a part of this organization and to see the ups and downs of running a preschool and life in general on this little island. These children are so very smart and well behaved they humble me on a daily basis. I look forward to what God has in store for the future!

Not Superhumans

I moved from the "Land of Perfection" to a little Island that is one of the "Scariest in All the Lands". I left the highest paying job to one where I'm not paid, said goodbye to adoring family and friends that eagerly await my homecoming and left everything "normal and comfortable" to go be a superhero and live with almost nothing.

Wait, back pedal.... somethings not right; oh haha nope, didn't do that. I left the States where bad and good things happen, where people are people to move to Haiti; where bad and good things happen and where people are; well people. I left a money paying job to work at another job that pays me in a spiritual and mental way, I said goodbye to friends as we all scattered to fulfill dreams, hugged and kissed my family goodbye as they sent me off knowing I was safe in Gods hands and I picked up my camera, journal, Bible and God's Hand to go capture, remember, grow, learn and to be used as He led me to go live in Haiti as a big sister and dance teacher with more blessings that I could have imagined.

As much as I want to be I am not a superhuman.

Going on a mission trip or moving to a new place you usually arrive and you're just so fired up and ready to learn and help out and you have so many hopes and dreams and plans and you're going to make them ALL come true! But; when I was 17, I went on a mission trip to China, the woman leading our group was a mother of 4 children that had been adopted from China. Having made several trips to China and having a large group of 12, we had weekly meetings and she beat into our heads "Be flexible, BE flexible, BE FLEXIBLE!" I say this in the most imperative way. Coming from a Christian family where all of us were home schooled my parents had taught me manners and respect for authority. I knew Tami was our leader, that she'd been to China before, she had our best interests in mind and so there was nothing to worry about and no question of whether she was right or wrong and I left with the only worry being that I'd miss a chance to shine.

On that trip we were tested in our flexibility when our hotel, that had been booked in advance and that our contact in Beijing had made sure of either the same day or the previous one, no longer had our rooms. When we traveled to "every" hotel in Beijing until early into the morning and finally crashed at our contacts house; some in beds other on couches or the floor. I had flexibility when I was "lost" in the pearl market (that story is for another time) when I got a little boy instead of the little girl I was POSITIVE I was going to get, when I thought my translator didn't like me, when the pool was closed and a new activity had to be found, when there were unexpected free times, when saying goodbye to the children that had stolen our hearts, when a passport was stolen and two of our teammates did not return with us waiting on a new passport to arrive.

God however always showed us the "reason why" we went through these things: We had the most amazing breakfast to wake up to that our contacts wife made and we got to hear their perspective a little more than we would have, God showed me how to keep a level head and make smart decisions, God gave me a little brother and made my translator feel more at home and connect better with both of us, I learned just how many languages and dialects there are in China and how my translator didn't speak the same one our little brother did, but she could understand 3/4 of what he said. The kids got to go to a movie theater, tons of laughs and stories were shared, hearts were broken for the better and God wasn't finished with two members of our team in China.

China grew me in a lot of ways and I didn't realize how much until I went to Ireland with my dance team last summer. Also, my parents took special care in choosing each of my siblings names and I have to say my parents were spot on with each of us. If you didn't already know my name is Hope, on my birth announcement was the Bible verse Titus 2:13 which happens to be my birth date. I hope for Jesus' coming and for the best in people and in life though sometimes it's hard I still strive to find that glimmer. As my faith has grown I've found that I'm not worried about a majority of things because I know, I legitimately know that God has His hands around me and whatever happens He will give me the strength and the knowledge to make it through. This doesn't mean that I don't have that moment of panic or uncertainty (I am human remember) but I always return to rest in His peaceful arms and I thank Jesus for the strength to do that.

Heading to Haiti I didn't have a big elaborate plan, I wasn't even positive I was going until a month or so before I landed in Haiti. God made it clear that I was supposed to go however and so I jumped from the top of the mountain into the clouds below.

I feel like I took my first few weeks slowly as I learned the language but then I just started running, pouring, driving myself as the needs I saw came at me like a meteor shower. I didn't feel like I was doing enough or really anything, but God was using me and I didn't realize this until God brought me a friend, my fellow intern here at Maranatha who opened my eyes to the littlest things and showed me how God had been working. Reminded me that while its great to pour out you have to be poured into because we can't run on our own steam and we need to be going to God's word daily. I've never loved or done devotions as much as I do here.

God was trying to show and tell me, to take time and that I was doing a good job and actually during devotions I heard His voice tell me this and it brought me to tears. I still didn't slow up or take time for myself. Didn't see it as a need or a high priority. God brought me three more friends, 3 girls that volunteered here, two were close friends from Canada that were working with us for two weeks and then heading up into the mountains to work with an orphanage and the other came from Texas and ended up staying an extra two weeks! We all became very close and they poured into me opening my eyes once again; but still I wasn't taking the time God wanted me to. I got an infection on my finger and had to sit for a good 30 minutes soaking it till the hot water became cold to draw it out 4x's a day for several weeks. Though I always managed to find something to do while soaking it. God is stubborn and my old dance injury began to act up so I was sitting for a good hour with ice on my back. Couldn't do a whole lot during that time and I think God began to smile.

My second week of helping run the preschool while the Tluceks were stateside for graduations I was hit hard with a virus; I had a migraine, aches and cramps in my stomach, side, hands and feet along with being incredibly nauseous but I never threw up no matter how much I wanted to and I was VERY out of it. This had me in bed, much to my dismay but both Madame Sue and James convinced me that it was better to miss one or two days than an entire week of preschool. I tried to be angry at myself for "slacking off" and "not helping" but though I was upset I wasn't angry, I heard the kids voices and wanted to cry because I missed them but there was only an ache because I knew that they were all in good hands and I would see them soon, I tried not to enjoy all the sleep and a chance to read a couple books though I was in pain I hadn't gotten to sit down and read for awhile. I laid in bed Tuesday and Wednesday tried to get up Thursday and was able to do meeting in the morning but the pain in my side was leaving my breathless and so I went back to bed. Friday I was determined to do craft with the kids as it was one I'd been looking forward to. James and Madame Sue know me pretty well and after I'd told them I felt ok they responded "Ok what exactly does that mean?" I passed the test however and was allowed to help in craft if I sat for most of it and went to bed at lunchtime. Walking out I was immediately greeted with "HOPE! HOPE! MWEN HOPE!!! MWEN SONJE OU!!! MWEN RENMEN OU" (My Hope, I missed you, I love you) I had the biggest smile and tears in my eyes as I hugged and kissed each one of them.

Over the weekend I wasn't sleeping well at night, still had an awful headache, had to rest and felt off and out of it. Monday: Madame Sue put me on Malaria medicine and wowzah, powered through the first half of the day as I wanted to do dance for the kids but after the last class I went to bed and crashed without being told.
Tuesday: took it easy and took pictures of the kids playing with parachute and balls; the lady that cleans after meals was sick with the new Chikungunya virus and so I pushed through to
clean up, sweep and mop for the afternoon classes but I felt super nauseous and lightheaded and finished as quickly as possible before crashing yet again.
Wednesday: I got to do lunch and a small piece of recess but I took my last malaria pills soon after recess and had to go lie down; kids were not thrilled but I told them Thursday I would stay up and be able to tell them all goodbye.
Thursday: came and I woke up feeling like a completely new person which I know was all God's doing because we were incredibly short staffed as the Chikungunya virus was making it's rounds and I jumped in and helped lead the 2's class which is our largest group. I had an absolute blast and recess we played the kids favorite game "Going on a Lion Hunt" which you have to have two interns to play and I was able to say goodbye to the kids and send them home with a hug and kiss.
Friday: my fellow intern was electrocuted and sent to bed. Turned the day around and I ended up doing bikes around the pool which I've secretly been missing and wanting to do for a long time. We only had 60 kids come which seems like nothing but was a blessing and the day went so smoothly I give God all the glory for that.

Through this entire experience God taught me several different lessons but the most prominent one is that I need to give my worries and cares to Him before they settle on my shoulders and I'm driving to do anything and everything despite how I feel and end up in bed with a virus.

We are not superhumans and God has a way of reminding us on the mission field; wherever that is for you on this earth. We can't do everything; we just can't. We cannot depend on our own power and strength because we will find the bottom of a small container where His power and strength is bottomless. When God tells us in Matthew 16:24 to deny ourselves and take up our cross daily He doesn't exactly mean go make yourself miserable and don't take care of yourself. The NLV puts it this way "Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross and follow me." taking time to rest and refresh yourself in His love and peace is not selfish. Something I'm learning and probably will continue to "learn" for a very long time.

All of this to say that I knew I was giving things up when I moved, I knew God was asking me to give things up and when I came to Haiti I told God "I'm following You and therefore I have everything I need." and we're all called to do this in our daily lives. I'm nobody supernatural I'm simply trying to follow God and glorify Him.

Remember: You're not a superhuman, take time to seek Him because you are His child and He loves you to pieces.