Waiting

*I will be writing another blog post at some point, detailing more of my health journey the past few months, but this was what was on my heart to share with you today.

The world is a scary place, it's always been but, as I'm growing older it seems especially daunting what with: the threat of ISIS, the presidential race, a horrible mass shooting 15min from my families homes, fires that have burned thousands of acres of farmland and homes, the attack on godly morals in the USA, the normality of broken families, the lack of true relationships and an uncertain future in this world that's going downhill fast... but wait, the future, however we may feel and worry about it, is extremely certain. Jesus taking up humanity, dying and coming back to life was not for a lost cause! This world will not last, Satan doesn't have the final say, Jesus made a way for us to live and to be with Him forever, that is the GREATEST news we will ever receive!

We forget this truth in the midst of our fears. Faith and life is not always easy and hey Jesus' life wasn't easy! But, where your focus is and what your attitude is, changes everything. If we're focusing on God, trusting that His will and timing are perfect, that fear is transformed to faith and our attitude is not one that is not giving up on the world but sees the hope and potential in people. 

One of my favorite Bible stories is Joseph. Joseph knew a thing or two about waiting - I often forget that Joseph's story doesn't take place in a couple of months. He was imprisoned for over 3 years and 15 years passed before he saw his dream come true. What has always stood out to me is Joseph's character while he was waiting for God's plan and blessings, he was: faithful, loving, kind and trusted God even though he had been sold into slavery and imprisoned for something he didn't do! In the end we see that God was preparing Joseph to become second in command of all Egypt through the many trials Joseph encountered.
God has done and will do great things with and through us, but, if we're focused on ourselves or caught up in fear, we will miss opportunities. God doesn't need us and honestly there are billions of other people He can use, and He will if we're not open and willing to His leading.

Waiting on God, trusting Him through this life is not always fun and easy, but where in the Bible was the promise that it would be?  

Matthew 10:22 "You will be hated by all because of My name" 

Luke 21:16-17 "But you will be betrayed even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death, and you will be hated by all because of My name." 

Acts 14:22 "Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God."

2 Timothy 3:12 "Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted."

Philippians 1:29 "For to you it has been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake,

1 John 3:13 Do not be surprised, brethren, if the world hates you.
Wow.... ok, didn't need that reminder Hope! Sorry! However, it's the truth but, the second half of that promise are found in some of the following:
Romans 5:3–4 "... but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good, to those who love God to those who are called according to His purpose"Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation[ has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted  beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."2 Corinthians 4:7–12 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."1 Peter 4:12-13 "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed"

Revelation 2:10

'Do not fear what you are about to suffer....Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life"

It has been 4 months since I had surgery and flew back to Kansas. This is my first blog post this year and I do have to admit that my focus and attitude have not always been where and what they should be (I'm still human sorry; I know you're shocked) I've been frustrated, angry, worried and felt completely lost. I'm not healing as fast as I would like to be and I feel like a waste of space some days. However, I'm having more good health days then bad, I've had some fun times with a couple of friends and my family and God reminds me on a daily basis that our worth is not determined by our works and God rested on the 7th day and Jesus took time to rest and be rejuvenated. I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be and I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Waiting. 

Curiouser and Curiouser

"Curiouser and curiouser" cried Alice as she journeyed further into Wonderland. In the newest version of Alice in Wonderland, Alice is all grown up and returning to Wonderland, though she believes her previous journey to Wonderland to be a dream. Through out the movie the mouse, Munchkin, is very worried and keeps saying "she's the wrong Alice!" and accusing the poor rabbit that it's all his fault because he brought the wrong Alice back to Wonderland and now they were doomed because who was going to slay the jabberwocky and dethrone the wicked Queen of hearts?!

Have you ever felt out of place? Had people tell you that you don't belong? Think you can't do something because of this that or the other? Satan is the King of Lies and he does everything in his power, to discourage us from furthering the Kingdom of God. He tells us that we are inadequate, that we are unworthy and unloved. This world is so big how could we possibly make a difference? He fills are head with worries and doubts and we begin to believe his lies.

I am an overthinker. I am a worrier.

As most of you know I've had some health issues since moving to Haiti and this past May was another battle. God graciously wrapped me up in His arms and I made it through and surprisingly didn't lose a single pound! As English Camp drew closer I had some doubts as to whether I was supposed to stay for English Camp or if going back to the states to recuperate was what needed to happen.

I began to pray just asking God to show me what His plan was and talking with different people about options. I slowly started to try and put together a plan for the summer and for after the summer. I decided to stay as I knew we were short staffed and it was going to be a stretching summer whether I was here or not. English Camp began and while I was very happy to be at English Camp I think I started off on the wrong foot and continued on not really trusting that this was God's plan and doubting myself.

As Alice journeys through Wonderland, stumbling here and there, thinking that it is all a dream and thinking she's the "wrong Alice," she meets the mad hatter, an unlikely friend who is positive that she's the right Alice but tells her "You used to be a lot more... "muchier." You've lost your muchness!"

When we let worries over take our thinking, when we believe the lies Satan tells us, we lose our "muchness" we shrink smaller and smaller as our view turns inward instead of upward. Our perspective is off, everything looks bigger, scarier and you feel lonelier than you would care to admit.

Alice is taken to meet a wise, blue caterpillar named Absolem. 
Absolem - "Who are you?" 
Alice - "I'm Alice" 
Absolem - "We shall see"
Alice - "What do you mean by that? I ought to know who I am"
Absolem - "Yes you ought..."
When they show Alice the prophecy of her slaying the jabberwocky she cries that that isn't her, she is the wrong Alice. The rabbit begs Absolem to resolve the matter "Is she the right Alice?" as the caterpillar disappears he replies "not hardly"  

As the summer went on I kept worrying what things meant and whether or not I was following God's plan. Part of me was sure I was following God's plan and the other half was tired and just wanted to know for sure. God is such a gracious God. Slowly; through little things: a cool breeze during morning devotions, someone bought and left Dr Pepper, a hug, a friend with a listening ear, laughter, an encouraging word and slowly my eyes began to shift back to Him. Little reminders of His love, of who I am in His eyes not worrying about myself or where I was but knowing that He was with me and He loved me.

English Camp ended. And after an encouraging meeting with my director, Shelley. I still wasn't sure how long I'm supposed to stay here or what's best for my health.
Sunday we all piled into the pick up and headed to church; this particular Sunday we had a guest worship leader and as we began to worship all I wanted was to be in God's presence, unashamed, lost in His beauty. As I worshiped my heart became lighter and then a song I hadn't heard before began to play. As I read the words I felt the wind get knocked out of me, tears began to flow as the truth of the words hit me full force and I began to sob.

 "I've heard a thousand stories of what they think You're like
but I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night You tell me that You're pleased and that I'm never alone You're a Good, Good Father It's who you are, It's who you are, It's who you are and I'm loved by you It's who I am, It's who I am, It's who I am I've seen many searching for answers far and wide But I know we're all searching for answers only You provide Because You know just what we need before we say a word You're a Good, Good Father It's who you are, It's who you are, It's who you are and I'm loved by you It's who I am, It's who I am, It's who I am You are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways to us

Alice still isn't sure whether she is the right Alice or not. She talks with Absolem for the last time:
Alice: ...don't go! I need your help, I don't know what to do
Absolem: I can't help you if you don't even know who you are, stupid girl
Alice: I'm not stupid! My name is Alice. I live in London. I have a mother named Helen and a sister named Margaret. My father was Charles Kingsley, he had a vision that stretched halfway around the world and nothing ever stopped him! I'm his daughter. I'm Alice Kingsley.
Absolem: Alice at last!
When Alice remembers who her father was and that she was his daughter, everything changed. We should be the same way. Our God is a good good Father, it's who He is. I don't know if you have a good father or have a good fatherly example in your life. I do. And though I've heard a thousand times that God is our Father and I've called Him my Father; I've never really known Him as a father or compared my earthly father and my heavenly father. My dad has told me several times that he is proud of me throughout my life and every time it's felt like he's given me the greatest gift. 

I want to follow God, no matter what, no matter where, no matter when. But it's turned into this stressful mess when it doesn't need to be; God is perfect in all of His ways, and He has the answers, which He will tell me all in good time because He's a good good father. He doesn't tell us His entire plan for our lives and He doesn't make us go down certain paths or do certain things but lovingly nudges us forward, sends us people to help guide us or teach us along the way (because we all need a mad hatter in our lives) everything gets curiouser and curiouser as we continue on, trusting a little more here and a little more there, beginning to see all the pieces fitting together until one day we figure out who we are. That we are the "right Alice", we're God's children and we slay our jabberwockys/demons and dethrone the King of lies in our lives. God made us for a specific purpose; whatever that purpose is it's terrifying and incredibly beautiful all at the same time and through His strength we can and will accomplish great and wonderful things for His kingdom.

My name is Hope. I live in Port-Au-Prince, Haiti. My father is God; He had a vision that reached across the entire world and nothing ever stopped Him! I'm His daughter. I'm Hope.

Who are you?

Thankful

This is the last week of my Thankful series, I hope you guys have enjoyed the frequent updates; I know a couple of them I barely published on time but, I enjoyed doing a series and taking time at the end of the week to really focus on what giving thanks was and what I was truly thankful for.

I'm thankful.

Have you heard the hymn "It Is Well" by: Horatio G. Spafford? It is one of my favorites. 

Digging a little deeper into the hymns history I found that Horatio was a successful Christian lawyer, happily married with four daughters and a son. Around the time Horatio was 43 he lost his only son, the same year a fire swept through Chicago; he had invested hugely in real estate a few months earlier and the disaster wiped out his holdings. Two years later Horatio planned a trip to Europe with his wife and 4 daughters. On the day they were supposed to leave he had some urgent business and stayed behind as his wife and daughter sailed to Europe. But their ship was struck by another ship and sank. Only his wife survived. As Horatio sailed to meet his wife and was passing the place where his daughters ship had sunk, he penned the first lines of It is Well.

When peace like a river attendeth my way

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought

My sin, not in part but the whole

Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul

It is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll

The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend

Even so, it is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

It is well with my soul

Wow... the founder of my church here in Haiti spoke today and his main point was that the cross is everything. And it is so true! Because He endured the cross, we can endure this seemingly long road called life. Because He died so that others could have life, we can die to ourselves to serve and reach others so that they may know His name. Because He loves us and will never stop loving us, we can see people through His eye and we can love with boundless love. Because of ALL of this it is well with our souls. And though "When sorrows like sea billows roll", though things spin out of control, though you mess up you are still His child and it is well with your soul. 

And it's the same with being thankful. Though you're frustrated and good things come and go you will always have something to be thankful for; that is Jesus Christ. 

Thankful Week 4

The end of the week is wrapping up! There is good and blessings in every day and certainly every week. We did have a lot of news that was hard, some tears escaped and it made for a long week.

I am thankful that Jesus walks beside us, holds everything in His hands and that I am a work in progress.

I struggle with different things about myself. A lot of things actually... self worth being one of the biggest ones and I'm very sensitive. I shared my testimony this summer and bawled the whole way through it. I know that I am not perfect, that I make mistakes and in the hard and weak points of my life these things become twisted as I dwell on them and become like chains that I wind and trap myself in; and all the while God is speaking to me and holding His hands out; just waiting for me hand them over. But it's hard, and though I want to hand them over it's a daily choice because somehow, if I don't continually hand things over to Him, I find myself wrapped back up in my chains of "worthlessness" once again. 

But you know something? God is pleased with me. I am His daughter and though I push myself and feel horrible when things don't turn out perfectly; He is pleased with me. With us, all of us! Because He knows our thoughts and our hearts. Things don't have to be perfect for God to love us or "notice" us; He loved us when we didn't even know Him, He loved us in all our mess. He LOVES us.

Wow. Just let that sink in.

We are His children and He is the perfect fathe, continually helping His children to learn and to grow from the dried and broken ground into a beautiful creation reaching for the Son.

There is a song by Brandon Heath called Wait and See and some of the lyrics are: 

the farther out I go

I've seen enough to know

That I'm not here for nothin'

He's up to somethin'

...

There is hope for me yet

Because God won't forget

All the plans He's made for me

I have to wait and see

He's not finished with me yet

Shall We Dance?

Started dance this past week! Took the first week off to: adjust back into my Haiti home, learn the new schedule of the preschool, as well as all 38 names of the children that are new to Maranatha's preschool program. Which was a blessing as adjusting back was not as easy as I thought it would be.

Last school year was my first year teaching in Haiti and we learned a lot about the do's and don'ts of teaching dance in Haiti. This year I have new space! My director had the brilliant idea to move dance class inside the carport, no more standing water, the temptation of the swing set or danger of falling coconuts, etc. I now have three walls in my classroom and it's helped immensely as far as keeping the class together and organized! It's only been the first week and I can already tell the difference from last year.

Also, my director changed the schedule of the classes and stations so that we split all of the classes into three groups, on Mondays the A groups have dance class, Wednesday the B groups and on Fridays the C groups. In each group there are 10-11 kids which is very different from simply splitting the classes in half and changing stations at the halfway point. Though this does mean that I no longer have a helper or a translator, yikes! I did pray that I would be learning more creole though before I returned. Don't you love God's sense of humor?!

Monday, the first day of dance class, was hectic. Kids were running around, not listening or obeying, some refusing to do anything and then 2's schedule got all mixed up and I had two classes instead of one; needless to say it was discouraging. But first days are supposed to be tough, they make the progress of the year more exciting and worth it... right? Yes, however this was not my attitude when I woke up Wednesday. I felt like Satan just hung a dark cloud over me as I sat on the floor of my bedroom having not slept well the night before, thoughts of whether what I was doing was worth it or even right hounding me and the C-virus not being kind. As I sat there thought the school next door began to play "You are Holy" and other songs like it and I knew I needed to stand up and go to class. I didn't feel like I had the strength and I wanted to crawl back in bed but I did my devotions and ate my breakfast and headed to class.

My first class was 10 of the oldest children in our preschool. They all attended Maranatha last year; and performed a dance on graduation day. They did fantastic! All of them listened, were excited to show me what they remembered, some of them had practiced during the summer and one of the boys, who had had difficulty with jumps in first position, jumped perfectly the very first time!!!!!! For those of you that know me or have taught alongside me you can imagine my happy dance and the cheering that happened. The 2's listened, participated and there was a lot of laughing and giggling as they tried to get their feet into 1st position. Did they all obey? No, but they're 2 and for the most part they all participated.

My final class for the day came. This group were a lot of work last year and I was a little worried but they ended up being the best class of the day! They were excited to dance, to repeat what I was saying, proud that they remembered first position and were just eager to learn. What a turn around!!!

I love teaching dance as well as dancing and am so honored to have the opportunity to use my God given passion and gifts here in Haiti. I don't know what God has planned but I am content and look forward to the future.

Kaleidoscope World

Have you ever sat for awhile and looked through a kaleidoscope? Watched all the colors and changing patterns? Maybe found one you really like but couldn't find it once you turned or shook the tube? That's kind of what my life feels like right now, so many colors and patterns and I'm trying to find my place in it all.

The biggest thing is the children. I worked with 80 children last semester. Built relationships with them, knew them all by name, their individual little characteristics and a lot of their hard stories. Saying goodbye to them at English Camp I thought I knew which ones I would not be seeing again; seeing as we'd done pre registration for this year beforehand. I hugged them close, reminded them that Jesus and I both love them very much and that I would be praying for them. Though it was hard to say goodbye in all the chaos of three graduations, almost back to back; I felt ok about saying goodbye and there had only been 5 I thought. But coming back that was not the case and some we thought for sure were going to come back didn't. 

That was hard. 

I had said goodbye to these kids, but it wasn't the kind of goodbye that was a possibly forever goodbye! The first few days I was hit really hard with thoughts and worries and was very discouraged. Yes, I was SO happy to be back in my Haiti home but I kept battling with my mind and these thoughts as I missed the kids that were not at preschool:
"Do they know how much Jesus loves them? 
Did I do my part? 
Did they not want to come back?
Could I have done something else? 
Am I actually helping here? 
Are they going to school?
Is this where I'm supposed to be?
Do they know they're loved? 
Do they know???"

Then God brought to mind a conversation I had with one of my Haitian brothers and a fellow worker at Maranatha earlier this year. It was Friday and school had been let out early as usual and there was one little girl who was waiting on her mom to come pick her up, she also had a slight fever. We waited and waited and there was no sign of her father or mother. She started to get worried and began to cry, I picked her up, brought her inside, gave her some water, half a banana and held her close, rocking gently and assuring her that everything was going to be ok. She fell asleep in my arms and I just sat there rocking and watching her sleep my mind wondering about her life, both present and future. 

He came in and asked about her, I explained the situation to him and as he sat down to lunch I began pouring out my heart to him "It's hard sending them home and not knowing what it's like or if they will be looked after properly..... I'm worried.... I want to take care of them.... I want them and their families to know God and to be safe and healthy.... I want so much for her" These words and more came pouring from my mouth and tears threatened to fall on her sleeping brow. He listened quietly, nodding his head as he ate and then when I stopped to catch my breath began saying "You know what you're doing; what we're all doing here is important.... we're planting seeds and we don't know what fruit will grow... we just teach and hope and pray.... but you're laying a foundation for them and if the foundation is strong they grow up to be Godly men and women and God knows the future Hope. We just have to trust and follow Him."

Such a wonderful reminder! God is constantly moving and changing hearts and though sometimes the colors and shapes can make our heads spin as we try to grasp what all is going on and what we're supposed to do, it truly is a beautiful, beautiful thing to watch and when you feel completely lost you have to open your eyes and take it all in and just smile and anticipate as the colors swirl by. And as you stand there He will come along, take your hand and twirl you into the middle of it at the perfect moment and direct you to the perfect place.

We are a preschool and "... all children grow up...." (peter pan) and it's hard to say goodbye not knowing where they will go or what they will do. I'm not a parent (don't plan on being one anytime soon) but as a big sister, babysitter, nanny, teacher and growing up some myself I see the world and it scares me. I see things that are allowed or people turn a blind eye too and it breaks my heart. We know that children starve to death, we know that children die from curable illnesses, we know that children do not have the money or the opportunity to go to school, we know that there are child slaves but yet we sit back send some money here or there and try not to look through the kaleidoscope at the grand design because we like it where it is and these things don't directly affect us. 

But it does.

"...Each man's death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind..." ~ John Donne

I cannot help every child and I, myself can't even truly help a child without God's help. But I can love, care for, show Jesus to and know the children that God has placed right here in front of me and the children that grow and head off to other schools or places God will have someone else there to love, care, share His gift of eternal life and know them and show them that they are precious in His sight.

Maybe it will be you.

Don't be afraid to step into this kaleidoscope world and be swept into His story, whether He takes you across the sea or down the street; it's not always easy or simple but it's always worth it.

There are now 93 children enrolled in preschool. All so beautiful. All His. And I am excited to get to know the ones that I do not know and to continue building the relationships that I have with the others that were here last year. Maranatha is doing wonderful things and continuing to grow and to follow God wherever He leads as they feed and nurture these children: spiritually, mentally and physically. They have a truly beautiful role here and I'm honored to work and to figure out and do my part in this kaleidoscope world.

Home On the Range

What?! You're not in Haiti?! Suprise! Don't worry; I am going back, but here's a little glimpse into the past month stateside.

I left my the "island in the sun" the beginning of September to spend a couple days with my best friend and her husband in Florida. I was not able to attend their wedding in July as english camp was in full swing, but it was wonderful to spend a couple days with them and hear about it and spend time with them. I'm very thankful for them and all the hospitality and love they showed me by: driving 2 hours away to pick me up, giving me their comfy mattress to sleep on, 2 warm blankets (as I was freezing!) delicious food, a day at the beach, laughs and rest. They wouldn't let me do anything and this bothered me because I do like helping and cleaning; especially if I am a guest, but my best friend is also my "twin" and she can be just as stubborn as I can be and so I rested and slept and had a lovely time.

After that I flew to my home on the range; the same night as my brothers surprise birthday party! My dad picked me up from the airport, I ducked down in the car as we pulled into the garage, quickly changed into a party dress and made my way through the back of the house and into the kitchen. My mom had it all worked out and had me sit on a little scooter while she and dad (who were the only ones who knew about my homecoming) placed a huge cardboard box over the top and pushed me into the dining room. Jonathan began tearing off the wrapping paper and as light began to pour into the box I popped out and wrapped my arms around his neck shouting "Happy Birthday!" and kind of falling into him because the scooter slid, but no matter. I found out later he thought he was getting a puppy thus his stunned and interesting facial expression ;)

My brother and I are a little over a year apart. Growing up we weren't always the best of friends as he was the first boy and I was the fifth girl. But, we had some pretty fun times growing up, being the best of friends at times and the biggest enemies at other times, but he is my brother and I love him to pieces no matter what! I was really set back when I realized I wouldn't be there to take his senior pictures or be at his graduation; but that's part of being on the mission field and I was ecstatic that I got to be there for his birthday.

I planned to stay in the States till the beginning of October when preschool would start in Haiti. During this month I'd been giving very strict and loving instructions from my mamas in Haiti to rest and have fun. First part of resting was figuring out how to treat the C-Virus, we talked to our dear friend Dr. Joel Robbins, a natural health specialist in Tulsa who is truly an amazing person,  he has changed countless lives and I could go on and on, but do go to his website and take a look around. He put me on some supplements to start building... well, me back up.

Next was a visit to our family Dr. to get some blood work done... my favorite. This is a long story, and I will be writing another blog post on this visit, but the short of it is that my doctor was worried about a month in the States not being enough. She knew how much I wanted to get back and so we did the blood work and waited the results. They came back and my thyroid was not looking good. My doctor put me on medicine and said that she would have to see me in 4 weeks to check the dosage.... goodbye going to my Haiti home the first week of October.

I was crushed by this and when I found out that the government had decided to start school in September after all and I was missing the beginning of school I was not a happy camper... not one bit. But through different things, which I will write about in another post, God gave me peace about staying another month and so I changed my flight to the 28th of October.

During my time here I've been blessed to spend time with family (everyones so grown up) see friends, tell my stories about Haiti, photograph some families and seniors, rest, laugh and meet some new friends. I thank you all for your support it's been really amazing to see the people that have come through for me and supported me though they are going through some hard times.

God has blessed me SO much and I can't say thank you enough! I will be here till the 28th for those of you that I've not been able to connect with yet, message or call me and we'll try to work something out.

May God richly bless you all!

Pour out Love

"OK, OK?" I shouted for the hundredth time in one class period, 42 little boys shouted "OK!" back but before my translator or I could get a word in there was shouting and talking from every corner of the carport where we were doing younger P.E. Their little voices all talking created a roar to match those that cheer throughout Port-au-Prince whenever Brazil scores. The sun was hot and I wiped my sweaty brow as I turned to God for help. Deep breath in, deep breath out. A cool breeze began to wrap itself around me and I knew He stood beside me.

My hands met in a loud clap as I repeated the same phrase we use to get the children's attention "OK, OK?" I yelled louder than I thought I could "OK!" they shouted back, I repeated this for a few minutes until I had all of their attention "SILENCE, SI. VOU. PLAIS!" (Silence please) and to my surprise it became almost quiet, but it was enough. I began explaining a game that we were going to play using brightly colored balls and teams. Pulling out the balls caught all of their attention. My translator explained that we would be picking 8 boys at a time and silence fell as they all did their utmost best to remain quiet while we pulled the first 8.

I'd been watching four boys that I did preschool with for the past 6 months and was so proud as I found them to be the nicest and most obedient. I pulled them and 4 other boys that hadn't been causing to much trouble to the front and be began playing Down, Down, Down where they pass the ball back and forth and if you drop it you have to drop to a knee, drop it again and it's two knees until you're playing with only one hand. The boys cheered for their teams and I watched as smiles broke out on their sweaty faces and laughter as people dropped the ball and had to drop lower then their partner.

Throughout the class period words like: love, encourage, engage, cheer just kept running through my head and so I did my best to just pour all these things out. Cheering and shouting, getting the boys to encourage their partners and throw the ball further. A couple little fights broke out that I had to reprove and there was one little boy in particular that just blatantly refused to obey and wasn't allowed to participate; which is never fun.

I won't lie; when their class was up a wave of relief hit me I called them to me, thanking them for listening and working hard together and asking them to be good in their next class. To my surprise I received several, high fives, hugs and thank yous from their little crowd as they filed out the gate. I always feel like a horrible person when I yell or punish someone, I'm a people pleaser and it never ceases to amaze me how these beautiful Haitian children react and give back in love. At the meeting with all the teachers, staff, interns and translators after camp we all lifted the group up to God asking for wisdom and obedience.

The next morning I felt God pushing me find the little boy that had caused so many problems the previous day. I found him in his faded blue shirt just finishing breakfast and sitting a little to close to the pool. I called his named and scooped him up in a hug, he clung to me so tightly it reminding me of when my youngest brother would hug me before and after I came home from work, like he'd never let me go. "Oh buddy" my heart was stolen away in that moment, along with my breath. And when I got it back I began to talk to him about how much Jesus and I love him and want him to obey and what a good boy I know he could be. He didn't say a word but nestled his shaved head deeper into my neck. "You're going to be a good boy today, right?" I finally asked, his deep little voice responded and I gave him a final squeeze before placing him back in his spot and kissing his sweaty brow.

I began to walk back to my place, giving high fives and shouting "Bonjour" to the rest of his group and telling them "No problems today" in a teasing way. I didn't know if that would make a difference but I felt a peace and a little bit of excitement about it as the morning assembly began and classes were dismissed.

I waited anxiously for orange group. And when they came through the gate in a perfect line repeating what their Jr. Counselor was calling out instead of talking among themselves I couldn't help but smile and tell them all good job. All of them turned to me with shining faces giving me high fives or jumping out of line really fast to give me a hug. They went above and beyond my expectations and the class period flew by a lot faster than I wanted it to.

Meeting that day was praise and excitement about orange group. Everyone had seen the need and poured love and we were not disappointed with the reaction.

Serving anywhere in the world as a Christian we are called to love. Sounds very simple and easy; but there is a lot of meaning in that word and honestly I don't think we will ever fully understand it's meaning while we are here on this earth. But here are some thoughts:

Love:
Goes above and beyond what people expect
Patiently waits
Cleans dirty hands
Is kind when others behave or speak badly
Dances when it can't walk
Does not envy what other people have or receive
Lifts people up
Smiles when its heart is breaking
Forgives and forgets
Cheers when its voice is almost gone
Makes room when there is none
Listens
Gives people opportunities to grow
Kisses sweaty brows
Disciplines justly
Puts others before oneself
Speaks truth
Ties shoes
Is humble
Walks several miles for a loved one
Prays when words and actions seem to fail
Steps back when needed

Pour out love and wait for God to work. You won't be disappointed

Graduation Day at the Preschool

How did it come so quickly? There were things I wanted to say, things I wanted to do with the kids but time seemed to be running away from me no matter how hard I tried to grasp it there just wasn't enough time in the days leading up to graduation.

But graduation day came nonetheless, woke up early knowing there was a lot to get done before the kids arrived at 8 for breakfast and the ceremony started at 10:30. We all dressed up for the occasion and my family had sent me a new dress that was perfect for dancing with the kids. Claire, my closest friend here in Haiti braided my hair into a beautiful bun, slipped on some shoes (I normally run around barefoot but since it was a special occasion I wore sandals) and headed downstairs to see where a helping hand was needed.

Shelley had put together little gift bags for each of the children and so Claire, Mikayla and I punched holes in the tops and threaded string through to tie into bows. James, my fellow intern and best friend for the past 5 months, began putting up a tarp to shade the parents while they watched the preschools perform with the help of Haitian James and the boys: Jeff, Patrick and Emmanuel. Once the bags were done the children started arriving for breakfast! They were SO adorable! They were all dressed in their best clothes, which for some meant tuled, frilly dresses or a skirt and nice shirt. The boys all wore nice pants and shirts and one of the oldest boys even had a white buttoned up shirt! As I came to breakfast to greet them they began shouting "Hope! Hope! Ou bel!" (You're beautiful) they all ran the sheer fabric through their fingers smiling and admiring and I did the same telling them how beautiful each one looked, commenting on each little thing as I knew it meant a lot to them.

After breakfast and assembly Shelley and I placed duct tape to mark each of the children's spots and began leading the classes one at a time in and placing them in "their spot." One of the teachers little two year olds was "trying" to be helpful. I scooped him and bounced him on my hip as I helped direct and place children as well as greet the children that were arriving late. We ran through their program one time, there wasn't enough time to go through the dances but the kids knew their dances and I knew they'd perform better if they didn't run through it. Sounds weird I know but go with me on this. The little rehearsal went really well and the children went back inside for a snack, some water and storytime while their parents arrived.

I don't have a whole lot of interaction with the parents during Preschool. There are a couple parents that I know but only a handful so it was fun to see all the parents, also dressed in their best, arriving and looking just as excited as the kids.

At last it was time to begin!

The classes were lined up youngest to oldest with the oldest in the back. Estacey one of our wonderful teachers led them in singing This is the Day in both english and kreyol.  The 2's then recited their Bible verse: Ephesians 6:1 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." in Kreyol, French and English. They'd been struggling with it the past week but at graduation the majority said it and then they all yelled "Right!" at the end, it was adorable! To finish their little part in the program we did a little dance called Cat and Mouse that the children absolutely love! I'd chosen 4 of the little 2's to be Cats.

In this dance, that my dance teacher in KS choreographed a long time ago, the cat in the dance is asleep in the middle of the dance floor, the rest of the dancers are mice that want to play with the cat and they tiptoe and dance quietly around the cat until it’s time to wake the cat up. They tap the cat three times and then ask the cat to play with them. The first time the cat is grumpy and tells them no and they run away crying (kids favorite part) but the mice try again and the second time the cat says yes! They hold hands and walk around in a circle and then after they’ve “played all day” they’re all tired, so they stretch and then lay down like the cat and go to sleep.

All the 2’s participated and danced, the cat’s stayed asleep and talked loud and I couldn’t have been happier or prouder of them!

Once the 2’s that had parents at graduation were given a gift and sent to sit with their parents while the others sat in a group and waited patiently for their parents to arrive.

Next came the 3’s & 4’s! They recited John 11:40 in Kreyol, French and English. I’d led their group the previous day during PE and had them practice their verse, I knew part of it in Kreyol and French and so I started it for them and much to my amazement they knew all of it by themselves! This group has so much energy and usually are just crazy so it was very encouraging to see how much they’d grown through out the year as they stood in a straight line and recited their Bible verse perfectly and then sang their song, “Into My Heart” in both French and English with the hand motions that Estacey had taught them!

Their dance was high energy, lots of jumping in place, step claps, going fast and then slow and spinning and freezing in a position to end. They all had the biggest smiles on their faces as they ran out to their spots and you could see the pride shining off their faces as they did the dance they’ve memorized and worked hard to learn. I’m probably going to say this with every class, but, it’s the truth. SUPER PROUD OF THEM!

The oldest class was last; they recited John 3:16, hearing their voices I prayed and hoped that each one of them truly understood what this verse mean’s and that they would come to accept God’s gift very soon. Their song was “Rejoice”, throughout the previous week we would hear the girls start singing their song as they rode on trikes or colored pictures, their sweet little voices would be lifted up to Jesus, led by the oldest girl Hosperlinda and her sister and you couldn’t help but smile and sing along. Watching them singing this and how excited a handful of them were it was like God was showing me his disciples for Haiti, I have no doubt that God has huge plans for each and everyone of these kids and it’s my prayer that they all come to know Christ at an early age and impact Haiti for Christ.

Time to dance!

I’d split the boys and the girls up as there is a greater number of girls than boys. The boys went first dancing a partner dance to “Speak Life” by: TobyMac. Two of the boys had been having a “rough” week, I think they were just anxious for school to be over and therefore could not stand still for a second or obey for longer then a minute. As I placed them in their spots I took their faces in my hands and said “Do a good job for me, ok? You’re smart, funny, strong, good boys and you can do this well for your parents, right?” sheepish grins spread over their faces as they nodded and then it was time! All the boys did the dance perfectly with huge smiles on their faces! And when I had them jump over the river near the end of the dance all the parents were cheering for them, which just blessed me and the kids in ways only God knows.

My girls were last. They’d worked so hard and picked up things so fast that I choreographed their own dance to 10,000 Reasons by: Rend Collective, which everyone in Haiti knows and loves! I gave the girls hand motions but I think it was more for my benefit, to keep my hands busy and not cry rather then for the girls. They did such a beautiful job. I will write more about it later, my heart is so full and God’s working in some pretty awesome ways.

Everyone cheered and clapped for the kids and then Byron, with the help of James translating, talked to the parents about Maranatha’s mission and Bryon and Shelley’s hearts for the children of Haiti. After a prayer we handed out Kool-Aid, hotdogs and cookies. It was fun to see the parents interacting with their kids and just everyone smiling and enjoying the day. I tried not to think about the kids leaving and not coming to school on Monday. The red Kool-Aid dyed their lips so they all looked like they were wearing lipstick and we were all cracking up, which kept the tears at bay.

Several of the kids came running up to me, thanking me and wanting a picture with me and I with them. These kids are all so precious and dear to me, their stories break my heart but their smiles and strength give me energy and remind me of the hope we have in Jesus and that we walk by faith not by sight or circumstance. I’ve been so blessed to serve and love on each and every one of the 80 kids that attended Maranatha’s Preschool; God is doing awesome things here in Haiti and I’m so honored to play a small role in it.

Continued prayer for these children and for English Camp as it’s coming up next week!!! Hopefully I’ll be able to slip in some stories and updates in the crazy days ahead

See my photography page on facebook for photos of gradutaion: H.e.rphotography94